Kevin sits on the couch and sighs. I sit next to him, but he scoots even closer to me. I guess I don’t realize the literal—and metaphorical—space I put between us.
“Emily, I’m trying. I don’t drink like I used to. I’m letting myself feel, and it's awful. It’s clear how distant you are with me, and I don’t think it's very fair, to be honest.”
I tilt my head and blink hard. What the actual fuck?
I gesture toward the can of spackle on the counter. “Are you kidding me? Fair to you? What about me? What about what you have done to make me distant?”
“Maybe if you weren’t doing shady shit behind my back and texting that junkie of yours!”
“Junkie? You’re one to talk. You’re a fucking alcoholic who can’t control his temper.”
He stands up and leans over me. His breath is hot.
“You’re pathetic, Emily.”
He spits the words like a dragon breathing fire. They sting my flesh and sear into my heart. Hearing him confirm what I’ve always thought about myself is like locking the cell door in my self-made prison of rejection.
My eyes well with tears. They fall and leave tiny rivers along my skin. I jump as the door slams. Kevin is gone. I’m a prisoner in his war.
I text David.
Me: Remember when you asked me if I am OK?
David: Yes, why?
Me: I’m not.
I rummage through the cabinets for pills. Anything that will help me stop feeling right now. There’s nothing in this damn house. I find a bottle of vodka under the sink and twist the cap off. I lift the bottle to my lips and drink. I’m no better than Kevin.
I swallow until my stomach begs me to stop, and then I take one more swig. I lie on the couch, waiting for the alcohol to kick in. Pills drape you in a blanket and tuck you in. You can’t help but feel relaxed and almost infantile. Alcohol is a lumpy mattress you sleep on when you can’t get anything better.
There’s a knock on the door. I sit up too fast, and the room spins. I close my eyes again.
* * *
David
I knock a second time.Emily finally opens the door, stumbling drunk. I haven’t seen her like this in years. I think the last time was at Garrett’s party.
“What are you doing here?” she asks me. She slurs her words.
“You texted me that you weren’t okay. I was worried.”
I usher her away from the door. We pass a nearly empty bottle of vodka on the counter.
“Damn, Emily, how much did you drink?”
“A little.”
“What happened tonight?”
“Kevin was an asshole, and he told me I’m worthless. And he’s probably right.”
I grab her chin and turn her face toward me.
“Don’t ever say that. You are the most worthwhile thing in my life.”
She rolls her eyes and pushes my hand away. “Yeah, right. If I’m so great, why was it always the other girls instead of me, David? Because I’m not good enough. The only thing hot about me is how much of a hot mess I am.”
“No, Emily. You aren’t hot. You’re right about that. But you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.”
Shit, I might as well say what I’ve wanted to say for years, since she probably won’t remember it in the morning, anyway.
Tears form in her eyes. She touches my cheek with the back of her hand. I haven’t seen her so vulnerable in quite some time.
“Oh, David,” she whispers, and before I can react, I feel her weight on top of my lap.
She’s so warm. She kisses my neck, her tantalizing lips tracing my jawline. I shiver. Her lips find mine. I accept her hungrily. I reach up and grab a fistful of her hair, craning her neck to the side as I consume the skin there. I am throbbing. God, I’m going to regret this.
“Emily… Emily, we can’t do this.”
She looks down at me, and her face twists. She’s disappointed—or hurt. Maybe both. The last thing I want to do is reject her. I wish I didn’t have to.
“Why?” she whines and pouts her lips.
“Because you’re drunk. I would gladly take you right here, but I don’t want it to be like this.”
She wobbles off of my lap, and I don’t hide how hard I am. She lies down beside me, facing away from me, asleep before her head hits the pillow. I caress her body with my hand. She’s wearing soft fabric leggings, and I rub my hand up her legs, hovering over her incredible hips. I’m uncomfortably hard. Why did I stop her?
I grab a blanket from the back of the couch and cover her. I lean down and kiss her cheek. I have to leave before Kevin gets home. I don’t think I could control myself if I came face to face with him now. He’s destroying my best friend, and I can’t do anything about it.
* * *