Emily
I wakeup and realize I accidentally passed out on David's lap. We are in the same position we fell asleep in, which lets me know he didn't get up in the middle of the night to use. His skin is dry and warm. He isn’t detoxing. His lips are parted slightly, and he’s snoring. He tightens his grip on me, pulling me closer to him. I grab my phone from my pocket. Five missed calls and fifteen texts, all from momentarily forgotten Kevin.
I ease David’s arm from around me and look down at him for a moment, smiling before I leave.
I drive to mine and Kevin’s house. When I come through the front door, I smell the familiar scent of gun oil. Kevin looks up from his project. Metal is spread out on the table, ready to be re-assembled. He doesn’t acknowledge me as he fumbles with the slide.
I sit beside him and reach for his grease-covered hand, but he pulls it away. His eyes are glazed, and there’s an empty glass sitting on the table. He’s wearing the same clothes from yesterday, which means he isn't sleeping again.
“Did you fuck him?” he asks.
The accusation upsets me, but I’m not entirely surprised. I would have felt the same if Kevin had been out all night like this.
“What? No! How could you even say that?”
“I just find it funny that he shows back up, and suddenly you're gone all night again. I don't know where you are, what you're doing, or if he's who you're doing.”
“The only person I'm doing is you.” There's no point in arguing when he's been up all night, fending off nightmares.
He leans in and kisses me, and I inhale the aroma of alcohol. Vodka. His hands reach for my hips, pulling me onto his lap. He always wants me the most when he's hiding from his own thoughts.
I look down at his soft, tanned skin and the fine lines at the corners of his mouth. I can feel him beneath me, and he's hard. He kisses me, sloppy and drunk, but I need this as much as he does right now. The feelings for David reach up from my belly and squeeze my heart. I don’t want to feel that. I don’t want to feel.
I stand up, drop my jeans to my ankles, and step out of them. Kevin only has time to pull his shorts down to his thighs before I straddle his lap. I kiss him, slipping my tongue into his mouth, exploring him and uncovering traces of liquor. A vice so different from my own.
He's inside me. He growls against my neck. His hands are so firm on my hips, it's as though he's becoming part of my bones.
“I love you,” he whispers against my flesh.
I can’t say it back. The words catch under my tongue. “Fuck me,” I respond.
He pushes me off, turns me around, and presses up against my ass. I lean forward, and he surges inside me. I gasp as I take him in. He slaps my ass, and my skin reacts with tingling pain. I forget everything in this moment. Silence blankets my racing thoughts as pain intertwines with pleasure. He finishes and kisses me, and in no time at all, I start to feel again.