Without another word, he sprang out of his seat and hurried over to the fridge. He bent down, pulled open the stainless-steel door, and pulled the bottle out. The little glass bottle looked almost comically tiny in his huge hand, and he carried it over and set it down on the tiny table next to his chair.
“That’s Emily.”
He bent down slowly, calmly, and picked up Emmy. Andy nursed hungrily as I watched Noah. He held her as if she were made of porcelain, handling her with gentle care and speaking to her in a soft, calming tone.
“It’s OK, little one,” he said, holding her to his chest and rocking her slowly. “You’re alright; Da’s here.”
He carefully eased himself into the chair, positioning her against his big arm and bringing the bottle to her lips. Noah said nothing for a time, his attention fully occupied by his little girl, the baby looking so small next to him, so helpless and innocent.
There was no doubt by the way he held her that Noah already loved his daughter dearly. Tears formed in my eyes as I watched him feed her, Noah tilting the bottle up bit by bit with his finger to help the milk down.
“Lord,” he said, shaking his head. “Never in a million years did I ever think I’d be feeding another child of mine.”
As confusing and strange as it all was, I couldn’t help but be touched by what I was seeing. He was so gentle, so loving. There wasn’t a trace of doubt in my mind that he would do anything for that little girl.
“How does it feel?” I asked.
He let out an amused chuckle as Emmy drank.
“Surreal as all hell. You know what I’ve got going on Monday? A Zoom meeting with some high-ups in Pitt Medical where we’re going to talk about the OB/GYN budget. That’s where my head’s been for the last week. And now I’ve got my baby girl in my lap. When I tossed back the last bit of whiskey and stepped out of my shoes last night, being in a hospital with a new daughter and son a day later was not on my horizon. Then again, when you get to be my age, you stop being surprised at what life tosses your way.”
I could tell by his tone of voice that he wasn’t upset in the slightest. The smile on his face as he fed Emmy made that ever clearer.
“God, she’s beautiful. They’re both gorgeous.”
There was so much confusion in my life, even without Noah finding out that he was the dad. Even so, I couldn’t shake the feeling that, in those moments, I was right where I was supposed to be.
“What’re you thinking right now, Noah?”
He shook his head, his eyes still on Emmy.
“Nothing other than how much love I have for these two little people. That’s all Icanthink about right now.” He pulled his gaze away from Emmy and onto me, and I could sense that it took great effort to take his eyes off his little girl. “But if you’re asking what I’m thinking in the grander sense, well, that’s a harder question to answer other than I’ll always be there for both of these wee ones.”
I couldn’t help but wonder what that would mean for us.
Excitement ran through me at the possibility of us being together.
“I’m willing to co-parent with you Sadie.”
Just like that, the excitement at the idea of the two of us being together turned to bitter disappointment.
“These kids…they’re a huge responsibility. We’re going to need to figure out how two busy people like us are going to shoulder the burden.”
Every single one of his words hit me the wrong way.
“These children,” I said. “Mychildren – they’re more than just responsibilities, and you bet your ass they’re more than just a ‘burden to shoulder.’ They’re two human beings who haven’t even been in this world for two days. They need love, and support, not to be treated like things we have to deal with.”
Surprise flashed on his face – he sure as hell hadn’t been expecting that kind of response.
Noah formed his lips into a flat line, giving himself a moment to think of how he wanted to respond.
I wasn’t done. “I don’t know what you’ve got in mind with this co-parenting idea, but I’m more than ready and willing to raise these two on my own. I’m also more than capable of making my own decisions about what’s best for my babies and me.”
Andy shifted at my breast, his movement reminding me that there was a child in my arms and that I needed to keep my temper in check. I closed my eyes and took a deep, slow breath. When I was ready, I let it out and opened my eyes.
Noah’s gaze was still on me, only glancing down now and then at Emmy to check on how she was doing with the bottle. He didn’t seem stunned into submission by my words. More like he was patiently waiting for me to finish.
Finally, he spoke. “I’d never minimize your role here, Sadie. But let’s not forget that you’ve hadmonthsto prepare for these two and figure out how you wanted to raise them. I just found out the damn day they were born. So cut me some slack if I don’t phrase my words in the most artful manner for you.”