Talon
UNBREAK - CAMYLIO
“Hi, you’ve reached Rein, I’m busy right now, so do your thing at the beep. Adios!”
“Rein, I don’t know if you’re listening to these voice messages, but God, I really hope you are. Please, all I’m asking for is a chance to explain. I fucked up by not telling you, I know, but I love you, please Snowflake I’m sorry, just talk to me.”
“This voicemail box is now full and can no longer accept messages.”
“Fuck!” I shout and throw my phone onto the sofa and pace back and forth manically.
What the hell have I gone and done? Why the fuck didn’t I just tell her the truth from the start. By biding my time, I only ended up delaying the inevitable. I had every intention of telling Rein about everything, but I wanted it to be on my terms when we figured things out, not like this. I was foolish, I let my feelings for her cloud my judgement and I wound up hurting us both. Hurting her was the last thing I ever wanted.
In the blink of an eye, we lost everything that matters to us most and it’s all my fucking fault. All because I was a coward and couldn’t man up and be honest with her. I ignited the inferno that singed both our futures to cinders.
Every time I close my eyes all I see is the look of utter devastation radiating in her eyes when she was looking at me and each time it feels like a hot knife is being twisted into my gut.
Walking over to the window I stare out at the building opposite mine. I can’t see her apartment from here because it faces the rear, not that it matters because I know she’s not there. I pathetically sat outside her door for hours waiting for her to come back so I could at least explain, but she never came home, and she’s not been home since.
It’s been a week, where is she? Where is she staying? And more importantly is she okay. I’m going out of my mind. I’ve searched everywhere I could think of. I went to Zen’s and was told she up and quit without notice. I even got into an argument with her friend Clay and didn’t even have the gall to fight back when he socked me one.
How did I allow everything to get so fucked up? Damn it, if I could just find her and get her to hear me out, I know she will understand—not that I’m worthy of being with her or deserve a second chance after colossally screwing everything up for us both.
If only going back was an option, I would tell her everything without a moment’s hesitancy. I spent so much time wallowing in guilt over what happened with Tay, constantly blaming myself and fretting over the notion of moving on or forgetting about her that the idea of ever falling in love again with someone new seemed ludicrous to me—until Rein. And my God did I fall in love. Senselessly, unconditionally, and foolishly out of my arse in love.
She’s always asking me why I keep saving her when in truth she’s the one that’s saved me… from myself.
I thought losing Taylor was hard but having Rein slip away is unlike anything I’ve ever felt.
“Where are you, Snowflake…” I whisper while glumly staring up at the luminous full moon beaming in the sky as if it’s going to answer back. “What have you done to me? I feel like I’m suffocating in this goddamn city without you.” I sigh closing my eyes, I press my forehead to the cold pane of the glass. The deep and relentless ache in my chest along with the lump growing in my throat overwhelms me once again.
I’m terrified of slipping back into that dark depressive state I was in before I met her. I cannot allow myself to go back there. I won’t.
The faint buzzing of my phone pulls me from my thoughts, and I stare at it. Could it be Rein? Before my brain can function, my feet are already moving toward the sofa. I snatch up my phone and look down at the caller ID.
Kev.
“Please tell me you have something?” I ask in a flurry, pacing back and forth.
“It’s not good news I’m afraid, buddy. Rein Valdez took a flight out this morning back to London.”
My heart plunges into my gut and I momentarily forget to breathe.
She’s gone.
“Talon?”
I hang up the phone and sink down into the sofa when my knees shake in warning as though they’re about to give out.
It wasn’t until that very moment that it hit me like a ton, it really is over.
I’ve lost her.
The splinter of possibility and conviction I’d been pitiably clasping onto of finding her vanishes with Kev’s admission. A very small part of me imprudently believed that Rein needed some time to cool off and she’d eventually give me a chance to explain.
Instead, she legged it as far away from me as she could get.
Not that I condemn her in anyway.