Chapter 10
Stuart was drained. Every emotion in the book consumed him. Anger. Frustration. Anxiety. Fear. So much pain.
When he’d heard her team was back earlier, he’d been so fucking relieved. He hadn’t permitted himself to come and find her or greet her or even look at her from a distance to verify she was still whole. Instead, he’d shut himself off from the world and remained where he’d been for the past two days. A spare room in Jeremy’s apartment. Hiding. From life. From himself. From Tarin and Kester and reality and Ariel and the pain.
When Ariel slid around in front of him, wrapping her arms around him, it broke him. She was still in his space. She wouldn’t let him go. Let this go. She was so damn stubborn.
Unable to live without her lifeforce another moment, he grabbed her around the waist and held her tight to his body. They were on their knees, face to face now, her head against his chest, her arms around his neck, his hands smoothing up into her soft blond hair. “Ariel…” he whispered in desperation.
“I’ve got you. I’m right here. We all are.”
He swallowed over the lump in his throat. Why did she have to push him like this? She was breaking down his walls. She might as well be using a sledge hammer the way she was breaking her way into his heart.
She was right though. She didn’t need to do anything to get into his heart. She was already living there. She had been since he’d first seen her that morning when he’d picked her up to bring her into the fold.
A piece of him had chipped off and she carried it with her everywhere. She knew it too. That was why she was pressuring him.
“So damn pushy,” he murmured into her hair.
“Yeah. My dad used to say that.” She tipped her head back and met his gaze. “I would nag him and nag him until he relented. I’m good at it.”
He tipped her head back, his hand fisted in her hair, tugging it just enough to make her gasp. He held her gaze. “I suck at relationships, Ariel. I don’t know how to be what you need. What any of you need.” He glanced at the rest of his family. The two men standing inside the door of the room.
And yes, they were his fucking family, whatever that meant. Dammit.
“We don’t need you to be anything but exactly who you are.”
“I’m flawed.”
“We’re all flawed.”
Kester cleared his throat. “We’re hoping you at least have experience with multiple partners because we’ve determined between the three of us, we’re severely lacking. I’ve only had three monogamous relationships, and they were all with women.” He turned toward Tarin, smirking. “And this stud muffin…”
Tarin rolled his eyes.
“Let me guess,” Stu said as he rose to his feet, bringing Ariel with him. “Your body count is zero.”
Tarin groaned. “Let’s put that in the announcements for the entire compound to know, why don’t we?”
Stu couldn’t keep from grinning. “Nothing wrong with being selective.” He held Ariel close to his chest, loving the feeling of her hand flat on his pecs. “Sorry, guys. I have less experience than Kester. The only woman I’ve been with was Reese. It was ten years ago, and I sure as fuck didn’t share her.”
Stuart glanced at Tarin to find him staring, eyes wide, lips parted. Stu had known his words would shock Tarin. Good. Let him fucking wonder.
Honestly, Stuart’s entire relationship with Tarin was taking a sharp right turn. He was humbled to realize Tarin had never uttered a word about his past to anyone, not even these two people who were now family. Tarin had been the only person to know about Stuart’s horrific past, and he’d been a true friend.
Ariel flinched in Stuart’s arms.
He glanced down. “Sorry. That sounded wrong. It was ten years ago. I had no concept of polyamory yet.”
“And now?” Kester asked.
Stu sighed. “I’ll share,” he drawled dramatically. “Hell, it will take three of us just to keep her alive.”
She swatted his chest. “Stuart.”
He kissed her forehead and then tipped her head back with a finger under her chin. “There’s a problem here. If you want me to join you three and try to help turn us into some semblance of a makeshift family in which none of us knows much about sex…” He grinned, hoping to lighten the mood.
“What?” she urged. “Finish that thought. What’s the problem?”