Chapter 10
The past few days havebeen intense. I still haven’t moved the bag from under my bed. I think a part of me was hoping that Calder would turn me in, so it would finally be over. Carly has been avoiding Calder. Dodging his calls and slipping out at work whenever he stops by. Even her car has been gone from the house she shares with her slimy husband. I still can’t believe that jerk tried to kiss me. Did he think I would be open to fucking him? The thought makes me sick. I should probably take the money and run before trouble comes knocking on my door. It is only a matter of time before Flip finds out where I am now that Carly knows who I am and where I am from.
Calder tells me to trust him and let him handle things, but he doesn’t know Flip. He won’t turn the other cheek if he learns of my whereabouts. He’ll come for me and everything will come crashing down. I’ll probably be arrested for killing Chris even though it was an accident. I ran and that alone makes me look guilty. I should have told Calder about Chris, but I hesitated and panicked. I just couldn’t do it. He was saying how much he loved me and how he’d do anything to protect me. I couldn’t turn around and say oh by the way I think I killed my ex-boyfriend. That would have been too much even for someone as good and wonderful as him.
I didn’t tell him that I had a nightmare about Chris. I dreamed he was standing outside my bedroom window staring at me. At least it felt like a dream. I woke up around five this morning because I had this feeling like someone was watching me and when I looked to the window, I saw his face. I had to have been half asleep and dreaming vividly. There is no way that could have been Chris. I saw him lying on the floor. I saw how much blood he was losing from the stab wound. He wasn’t breathing, and I couldn’t find a pulse.
The duffle bag is sitting on my bed now taunting me. I know I need to leave but I don’t want to lose Calder. How do I give him up when he is all I want? I’m pacing around the apartment trying to come up with a plan. Any plan but my mind is drawing a blank. All I can think about is Calder and the life I want with him. He’s a dream come true. He loves me, and he is so good to me. He treats me with respect and makes feel cherished. Like I matter.
If I tell him about Chris now, I’ll lose him for sure. I had my chance and I blew it. I know what I have to do and maybe in time I can come back, and he’ll forgive me. I’m doing this for him. So my mistakes don’t cost him. If his boss finds out that he knew I had stolen money and drugs right under their noses he’ll lose his job and I know how much being a cop means to him. I won’t jeopardize his career. I can’t do that to him. I love him too much. I wish I could be selfish and keep pretending but I can’t.
I grab a few necessities and stuff them in the bag enough to hide the drugs and money. Everything else will have to be left behind. I don’t know where I am going or how in the hell I am getting there but I know I have to go. I walk through Calder’s apartment one more time. He left the door open yesterday morning and told me that he wanted it to stay that way. So he can see me anytime he wants to. It was so sweet. I bite my bottom lip wishing I could go back in time to the moment we first met so I could do things differently. At least I would like to believe that I would.
I pick up his cologne and give it a sniff. It smells good but not the same as it does on his skin. Picking up a picture frame with a photo of him in his uniform I am tempted to take it, so I can carry him with me wherever I go but it will be easier to move on without any reminders. I even lay on his bed and hug his pillow to my chest recalling the first time we came close to having sex. I wanted him badly, desperately. I knew then I was falling in love with him. And because I love him it’s time for me to go. I go back to my apartment through our shared door and close it. Closing the door on us. On my heart. On him.
I want to leave him a note explaining myself and why I am leaving but I don’t want to encourage him to look for me. I probably shouldn’t leave it behind because I will need it, but I leave my fake ID and the brick of drugs on the table.
I shut off the TV and open the door to see a dead man staring back at me.
“Going somewhere, June?” He smirks at me and I feel sick. At least I know I didn’t kill him but in this moment being face to face with him after all this time I wish that I had. He shoves my shoulder and pushes me back through the door.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
“Don’t try anything stupid.” He looks past me and sees the drugs on the table. “Good. I knew you weren’t completely stupid. Where’s my money?”
I clear my throat. “I have it. It’s in the bag. You can take it and the drugs and leave no one will ever know you were here. I swear it, I won’t tell anyone.”
“No, you won’t. But you see, June. It’s not that simple. Do you know that I nearly died because of what you did to me? I had a concussion and you left me lying there on that floor to rot. If Flip hadn’t called in an anonymous tip, you’d be wanted for murder. I could have turned you in, but I didn’t.” He tugs on a strand of my hair and I flinch. “Nice touch, coloring your hair but nothing can hide what a lying whore you are. I’ve missed you.” He slides the bag off my arm, and it drops to the floor. “Have you missed me?”
I take a deep breath not knowing what to do or say to him.
“Take a seat. I haven’t decided what I am going to do with you.” He shoves me down by my shoulder onto the couch.
“How did you find me?”
He rubs his chin and grins. “Seems you makes friends as easily as you always have. Some broad called in a tip to the cops, only Flip had one of his guys on his payroll filtering through the calls and here I am.”
“If you don’t get out of here soon my neighbor will be home anytime now and he’s a cop. A good cop.”
“Oh, you mean the guy you’ve been fucking. Yeah. I saw you two through the window. I am surprised you didn’t tell him you saw me this morning. I am thankful you didn’t.” He unzips the bag. “Is it all here?”
“Yup,” I lie.
“Too good to spend Flip’s money? I’m not, Though I’ll be sure to tuck some back and tell him it was you.”
“He won’t believe you and when you start spending it, he’ll know.” I need to distract him and buy myself some time. I need a plan. Things could go either way with Chris. He could want to kill me, or he could let me go.
“I won’t be staying. After I pay Flip, I think I’ll take a play from your book and go somewhere to start over. Be a liar like you. Your friend, the one who called. I paid her a visit. She told me all about you, Maggie. You were smart. I will give you that, but you weren’t smart enough.”