“You should have at least tried,” she told me. “I was waiting. I thought of messaging you too but I was worried my email would get buried amidst all the fan-mail you get.”
She was right. I should have at least tried but I didn’t. I was sorry about that, I truly was, but there was nothing we could do about it now. The past was done and we were here in the now.
Thinking about that reminded me she had something important to say. I knew it was beyond just the exchange of “I love you” and having sex.
“What was it you really wanted to tell me about?” I asked her, shattering the brief silence between us.
“Do you really want to know?” she asked. “If I say it, do you promise that you won’t just leave me again? I really need to make sure of this.”
Her words took me back a little bit. Was it really that shocking? What was it that she was hiding from me? It just made me think about this revelation even more. Even though I was starting to feel a little uncertain about pressing on I just had to know now.
I nodded and promised, “I promise that no matter what this is about and no matter what you have to say I will not leave you. I will never leave you. I waited five years for a chance to spend time with you again and we spent the past few weeks getting to know each other – genuinely getting to know each other – and those moments made me realize how much I need you.”
“I hope you mean it because what I’m about to say is going to change everything,” she told me. “I like how things are… it’s like being in a real relationship and I’m scared that if I tell you this one thing it’ll change.”
Jesus, woman, just say it! I was starting to get a little impatient but I knew I had to just shut my mouth and let her take her time with this. I just gave her a kiss, hoping it would let her I would stand my ground and by my words.
“Whew,” she then sighed in relief. “Okay, here it goes. You better be ready for this. I trust you, you know?”
I nodded and waited for her to drop the ball. When she did speak again I felt the whole world suddenly crash down upon me.
“Jeremy’s your son.”
8
Emilia
He was silent. He just sat there, his arms around me, and stared into the distance. I didn’t even know what he was looking at but I was damn sure it wasn’t the television. When I looked into his face it just looked blank.
“Damon?” I called out. “Are you okay?”
A great fear began to swirl in my guts. Maybe it was too soon to drop this information on him. Maybe it was all-wrong. However, I didn’t want to get into a deep relationship with him – and regularly have sex with him like this – without letting him know the truth. Jeremy was his and he had the right to know that.
“Y-yeah, I am,” he answered. “How sure are you that he’s mine?”
I giggled and tried to lighten the mood, “I didn’t fuck anyone else before or after our graduation night. I did try to move on and date someone else but by then I was three months pregnant and I dropped all attempts so I could focus on just staying healthy.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? It’s been so long,” he asked me.
“You were a rising NFL star,” I answered. “Could you imagine the trouble you’d be in if the world found out that the rookie of the year had an illegitimate son out there? It’d be a scandal. Now, however, the media won’t bat an eye.”
He scoffed, “What? Am I old news now?”
I shook my head, “No, it’s not that. What I mean is it won’t be much of an issue since you’re already a veteran player. When the people find out, they’ll just go ‘oh, he’s had a son all this time’ and just accept it.”
“There’s no way we can be sure of that,” he tried to point out. “I might lose my position in my team if this goes out to the public.”
Now I really felt worried. The heavy feeling in my gut sank and I was going down with it. I looked up at Damon and asked, “What are you planning to do?”
Damon didn’t answer immediately. He just leaned back against the headboard, finished his coffee and stared blankly at the television on the wall. He gripped my hand, gave it a squeeze, and just soaked in the moment as he pondered about his options.
I didn’t rush him. I knew this was something really important and difficult to think about. His whole career was on the line. He had been in the NFL for five years now and I was sure he still had another five years or so in him before he’d call it quits. I couldn’t just expect him to throw all of that out the window for a kid he just met a few weeks ago.
After what felt like forever he shifted in his seat and looked at me, “Let me think about this. I need some time to really consider what to do.”
I was so disappointed. I knew it would be impractical – and a little stupid – to hope he would accept Jeremy and I wholeheartedly and say he’d jump right in to be Jeremy’s father. Despite that I had hoped he would do so and now I felt crushed.
“I-I understand,” I told him. I couldn’t help but push his hands off me and I scooted a few inches away from him, hurt by his course of action.