Damon turned to me and tried to hug me closer but I shrugged him off. He then said, “Come on, Emie, you can’t just expect me to jump up and down in joy. I love Jeremy but there’s so much ahead of me right now. I need to think about this. It’s not an easy thing to deal with. It’s not like we’re choosing between apples and oranges.”
I bit down on my lip, preventing myself from lashing back, and took a moment to pause and sort out my thoughts. When I was a little calmer I said, “I can’t say I’m not a little bit disappointed. L-Look, we’re both a little shaken, okay? I’ll just go home right now. I’ll let you sort your thoughts about this.”
“Emilia,” he called me by my full name. “Look, just trust me on this. Let me deal with the game in London first, okay? Let me handle this one at a time and I’ll get back to you about Jeremy.”
For the first time since I got to be with him again, I felt the urge to just smack him in the face. He was seriously considering his football career over bonding with Jeremy as a real father. Maybe he was just as childish and irresponsible as I thought he was years ago.
I couldn’t handle it anymore though. Just when I thought everything was working out just fine and dandy this all had to happen. I wished I didn’t spill the truth to him just yet.
“Damon, take
me home,” I told him as I got up from the bed and slowly began to dress.
“Emie, you don’t have to go,” he tried to beg. He reached out and patted the bed, gesturing for me to come back. “Just get back here. We can talk more about this when I get back from Europe, okay?”
I shook my head, “Damon… this is something you have to be ready to decide upon right now. Are you ready to be a father or not? Even if Jeremy wasn’t yours, would you be ready for the responsibility if you got me pregnant today? What would happen then?”
Damon hung his head in defeat. He knew he had nothing to rebuttal my challenge. He really needed to think about the course of his life. I literally just derailed him but that was how things were – Jeremy was his and he had to face that reality.
“Come on, you have to be a little fair,” he snapped back. “You don’t understand the magnitude of this information. I have a big NFL career in front of me. What do you have?”
That really flared me up and even Damon knew he just said something stupid. I wasn’t going to let it go though and shouted back, “Fuck you! While you’re out there playing games I was raising your son while running a damn fucking hotel. I’ve been dealing with a legit business. And just for your information, I know the magnitude of this kind of information. I’m the one who carried him for nine months in my womb, you freaking idiot. How do you think I felt when the doctor told me I was pregnant?”
I must have really struck a chord because he turned dead silent. Damon didn’t dare utter another word and simply slid out of bed to dress up. When we were both ready, he let me head out first and took me back to the car.
The drive to my place was in awkward silence. I could feel he wanted to say something. He must have been thinking of something to fix this and make everything all right but he didn’t utter the words.
Whatever he was going to say they were gone with the wind. I didn’t even care to look back and watch his car drive off. I just stormed into the home and waited until Jackson, Amy and Jeremy got back home from their shopping spree.
Damon tried to text me. He tried to call. I didn’t give a damn and just ignored his attempts even into the next day. I was still a little unsure.
I knew I was being unfair. I made him promise to be civil about this but I was the one losing my shit over his decision to take this situation nice and slow. However, my disappointment was over the roof. I needed to think about this as well.
9
Damon
Damn it, Emilia. If she didn’t want to talk to me, fine. I could forego all of that. I didn’t need all that bullshit drama in my life. I had a big game coming up. I had to just focus on that right now. My future was in the NFL and the opportunities that it brought along. Commercial deals, sponsorships, endorsements and maybe cameos in television shows or movies – all of those could be mine if I kept on pursuing my career. All of those could vanish if I dropped everything to play husband and father for Emilia and Jeremy.
At the same time, however, I wanted to be there for them. I was falling for Emilia so fast it felt like I was dating her ever since that night in college. Losing her now would be a big blow that I might not recover from.
Then there was Jeremy. He was only four and just a little kid but he was mine. That fact alone was something I had to wrestle with… I mean, holy shit I have a kid of my own.
I spent the next few days debating about this revelation at Mercury Wild. While I wasn’t going to tell Trevor, Marcus and the others about Emilia and Jeremy I did let them know I was at a crossroads in my life. Fortunately for me, they were being really good friends and just decided to drink along with me.
For the rest of my free time, I spent it out of town, going back to my team and my agents and coach so I could prepare for the game in London. I wasn’t the best quarterback in the NFL but they gave me the position for this European game. This would let me prove myself to the rest of the NFL that I could be the best player in the world. I could guarantee myself an MVP award if I led the team to victory in London.
Before I knew it, the thoughts of Jeremy and Emilia had once again faded into the background. There was nothing left in my mind except the sound of football players slamming into each other and the feel of the grass. There was nothing to bother me except for the strategy of each play and the goal of scoring another touchdown before each session was over.
After a week had passed, I was solely focused on the game. By the day of the game itself, I had nothing else – no other agenda – but the game. We were going to win and I was going to make sure that would happen.
The field was dark green and the benches were filled with over a hundred thousand spectators. It was a marvel to witness and a miracle that I was a part of it all. My teammates, who all come from different NFL teams to forge this one “dream team” of players, saluted me as I came onto the field. Even though some of them had been my rivals in previous games, this time around we were allies and we all had respect for each other’s skills and talents.
For a brief moment, my eyes lingered and I glanced at the crowd. There was a part of me that hoped she would be there but I knew the reality of that happening was beyond slim. She was back in Stateside, taking Jeremy to preschool and preparing for Jackson and Amy’s wedding.
I should be preparing too. I checked my schedule and it turned out I could attend the wedding and be the Best Man. However, I had to deal with what was right in front of me – I had to deal with the game.
Before long, the referee was out on the field. There was a coin toss, the ball was handed, and in just a few minutes we began to clash against each other on the grass. I could hear the announcers speaking on the PA system and the sound of commercials playing non-stop. I could feel the grit of the grass every time someone tackled me down whenever I tried to dash with the ball or throw it to my running back.