CHAPTER 26
Naomi
I glanced down at the clock wearily, feeling another hour slip away that didn’t bring any peace to my life. I felt like my body was moving at a snail’s pace, the fog around me never truly lifting.
More than that, I continued to hear the sound of the crib crashing to the ground repeatedly in my mind, a lifetime of what could have been dreams and hopes for the future gone in an instant.
It had been Vera who had found me still curled up against the door and had helped me to my bed, even holding me briefly and whispering that it was going to be just fine.
I allowed her to do so, comforted that the stern older woman would even consider offering me comfort when I was the subject of so much pain for the man she served.
Did she know that I wasn’t Sveta now? Did they all know? Was I the butt of some joke that Gavril was dealing with?
Had I truly ruined everything for him?
It was all my fault, after all. If I had only told him about Jon’s true identity in the beginning, he could have been prepared for the fallout, headed it off when word got out…Perhaps I wouldn’t be sitting in this bed alone, worried about my fate.
I was worried. Even though I carried Gavril’s child, I had betrayed him, almost like I had turned him over to his worst enemy without even thinking about it. In his position, Jon could do whatever he wanted to, whenever he wanted to. He had the resources, and he would spin the right tale to get the government to back him on his attack on Gavril.
In fact, he probably would be seen as a hero for taking a Mafia down.
I wouldn’t let it happen. No matter what, no matter that I was carrying Gavril’s child, I would not let my ex take down my husband. Gavril wasn’t perfect. I knew that, but he also didn’t deserve to be caught up in my drama like this. He had built his empire. He had a family to protect. His mother and sisters.
He had people depending on him, like Inessa and her sweet girls.
I couldn’t be his downfall. I would never be able to forgive myself.
Besides, Jon couldn’t hurt me any more than he had already. I was stronger than he realized, and I had a bargaining chip that he hadn’t seen coming.
My hand drifted down to my stomach, where the innocent child rested. I wished things could be different for it. I wished that it had a stronger mother, a father who wasn’t haunted by demons, and a life not wrought with violence.
Unfortunately, all of those things were true, but I wasn’t about to run away just because of the threat looming over my head. I was tired of running. Jon had kept me in a perpetual state of running, and I was over it.
Gavril deserved a stronger person at his side, that is if he ever allowed anyone to be part of his life again. My heart twisted at the thought of him shutting himself off to happiness because of what I and Katya had done to him. Though I hadn’t tried to kill him figuratively, the mountain he was up against could very well do that. I was no better than she was. I hadn’t given him a fair chance at fighting his way through it.
He wasn’t going to protect me any longer. I knew that everything he did from here on out was going to be for this child, if he even wanted it any longer. Now that his secret was out, I was in fear of what Gavril truly needed. He didn’t have the alliance with the Orlov members any longer and was about to go to war with them.
My existence and that of the child we had made had no bearing on what could be done to stop any of this.
The thought hit me straight in the gut, and I barely made it to the bathroom to throw up the small amount of food I had consumed over the past twelve hours. Gavril didn’t need me any longer.
He didn’t need this child any longer. We both were expendable and no longer part of any plans he had. Given the look he had given me when he stormed out of this bedroom, whatever feelings he had shown me were long gone.
I doubted that Gavril even cared that this child was his heir. After all, I hadn’t been in the plans from the beginning.
Sveta had been.
I washed my face and my hands and walked back into the bedroom as the first rays of dawn peeked through the windows, washing the room in a brilliant orange hue. Another day was starting, though this day would bring the war that Gavril had informed me about. I didn’t know what was in the war, but it wasn’t going to be good.
My husband, well, the man I called my husband, would be in the thick of things. I had the potential to lose him completely.
The thought robbed me of my breath. Though a great deal had transpired between me and Gavril, I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him. It wasn’t so much about what would happen to me. It was that he didn’t deserve it.
A bubble of laughter escaped me. Was I really thinking that Gavril didn’t deserve this life? He had caused it, after all. He had kidnapped me, and when he’d learned the truth, he had continued the ruse. It wasn’t like I had begged him to do so. Back then, I would have left at the first opportunity.
But now, I had feelings for him. I was in love with him or had been until recently. I had actually pictured a future with him, with our child.
I had been an idiot. There was no happily ever after with a man like Gavril. He wouldn’t be my Prince Charming, giving me a life that I would be happy and loved in.
Katya had robbed me of any chance of that when she destroyed Gavril’s world. I imagined that when he had loved her, he had loved her fiercely, and she had felt like the most cherished person on the planet, knowing that he was going to protect her and love her with everything he had.
Well, that Gavril didn’t exist any longer, and he was never going to love me like he had Katya.
He wasn’t going to love me at all.