“You were never with Josie. Ever?”
He shakes his head.
My breath leaves my body in a huff of surprise. He’s told me this before but I didn’t believe him then. Part of me is scared to believe it now. Because if it’s true then I’ve wasted years ignoring the way I feel about her. Years of pushing away the one woman I want to get close to.
“Zack. Zack?”
I must look pretty crazy because Gabe is watching me with open concern.
“Hey, I know she probably gave you hell but it’ll be fine. You stopped her from making a huge mistake and once she calms down she’ll see that. Give it a few days and things will be back to usual.”
Usual. Right.
That word means something entirely different now. The usual is that while I’ve been lusting after Josie, she’s been feeling the same way. The usual is that Josie is a twenty-one-year-old virgin and she’s obviously looking to change that fact. To the point where she’s willing to hire some random guy to do it.
I don’t want things to go back to usual.
If Josie wants me to notice her, mission accomplished. And if she’s looking to understand passion, then I’m the one to show her. There’s no doubt in my mind about that.
Gabe takes my facial expression as worry rather than resolve. “Seriously, don’t look so worried. It’s Josie. She’s mad right now but she’ll get over it.”
†
Over the next week it becomes clear that Josie won’t be getting over it anytime soon. She hasn’t called, texted or come by and I’m not the only one who notices. We’re having dinner at home with our moms when both Debbie and Paula comment on how odd it is for her not to at least call for so long.
I shift in my chair, hoping my guilt isn’t written all over my face.
Gabe glances over at me before he says, “She called a few days ago. Her brother is in town.”
Debbie looks relieved. “Oh that’s nice. I’m sure she’s happy to have him back for a little while. He lives in New York, right?”
I shovel in another mouthful of salad and try not to feel hurt. Her brother being in town has nothing to do with why she hasn’t come by. We haven’t gone this long without seeing Jo in years and she’s had any number of family members in town since then. After talking with Gabe, I’ve been thinking a lot about the way we treat her.
She’s trying to be taken seriously with her photography and I haven’t done a great job of supporting that. I went to her show but I’ve given her plenty of grief over the nudity thing. Gabe has been more supportive but he’s always had a tendency to treat her like a little girl who needs to be protected instead of a grown woman in charge of her own destiny.
In hindsight I can see a lot of ways that Gabe and I both haven’t been respectful of her decisions in general. No wonder she’s ignoring us.
“Isn’t that right, Zack?”
My attention snaps back to the table. My mom points to my plate. “It’s good, right? I got the tomatoes you like this time.”
I look down at my plate and nod dumbly. But whatever I’ve agreed to must make some sense because she turns to Debbie and laughs at something she said. I need to snap out of it before anyone else notices my strange mood and makes the connection between my funky attitude and Josie’s absence.
This is exactly what I was worried about happening. Josie and I being at odds puts the entire dynamic of my family at risk. I have to fix this. Going to see her is the only solution because she hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts. It’s time we put this to rest.
When I look up Sasha is watching me closely.
After dinner, I slip out before anyone can ask me what I’m doing. If I let things go on too long, Gabe will eventually go over there. The last thing I want is him finding out about our makeout session on her floor. He’s weirdly protective of her and would immediately assume the worst. I just need to talk to her. Apologize for the things I’ve said. Accusing her of pulling a stunt to grab Gabe’s attention seems pretty stupid in hindsight.
In light of the things I know now, everything I said to her that day was pretty shitt
y.
I park a few houses down and walk over. My car right in front of the house won’t help if she’s avoiding me. I knock and then keep my back turned so only my profile is visible.
The door swings open and Isabelle looks shocked. “Oh. Hi.”
“Can I talk to Jo? Please tell her it won’t take long.”