“You’ve certainly changed. What happened to the girl who was so worried about what everyone thinks?”
“She finally learned that everyone is never satisfied. I’d rather look back and regret the things I did than the things I never had the courage to try. From now on I’m living life full throttle. And so are you.”
He follows me down the stairs and as we pass by, my mother stares at us both in shock. Her voice calls out behind us but we don’t stop.
As we cross the threshold into the frigid evening air, it feels like we’re breaking free.
chapter five
†
ZACK
I’ll always consider it a miracle that I managed to get home without getting into an accident. My focus is a source of pride but today… I’m running on fumes. The entire drive my mind tortures me with possibilities. Josie being untouched. Josie being in love with me.
Josie being mine.
Once I’m home, I pace downstairs unsure of what my next move should be. If Gabe was never with Josie then I have to rewrite the events of the last five or so years. I have to acknowledge that everything I thought I knew has just been torn apart.
I don’t know what to believe and I’m reluctant to ask the only other person involved.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I bound up the stairs and knock on his door. At the sound of his call, I open it. He’s propped up against his pillows reading a book. I notice with relief that Sasha isn’t around. I’m not sure I can have this conversation with an audience.
Gabe takes one look at me and chuckles. “Josie must have been pissed.”
For a moment, I panic. How did he know where I was? Going to see Josie today was a spur of the moment thing. The mirror over his dresser reflects my image back to me and I look myself over quickly. My shirt looks a little rumpled but otherwise, I look like I normally do.
Do I have lipstick on my face or something? Although that doesn’t make sense because Jo doesn’t even wear lipstick. Not that I’ve ever seen anyway.
“Am I wearing a sign? How did you know I saw Jo?”
He tosses his book on the nightstand next to the bed. “You look like you’ve just gone three rounds with a champ. So what did she say?”
I sit on the edge of his bed. “The crazy woman was actually auditioning half naked guys right in her living room.”
Gabe laughs. “I’m sure that was Izzie’s idea.”
I grunt, not seeing the humor at all. “They were from some agency she called. Whatever the case, I told them all to get the hell out.”
“I bet she loved that.”
An image of Josie writhing on my lap derails my thoughts. Then the look on her face when she said I was the reason she’s been here all along. How could I have missed something so huge? It’s like thinking everything is a blur your entire life only to put on glasses for the first time.
I can feel Gabe watching me, waiting for me to continue the story.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Josie mentioned something today.” I halt, not even sure how to proceed. We’ve had this conversation before and Gabe has always said that they were just friends but I took it as him saying that they didn’t have a relationship right then. Not that they had never had one.
“I think she’s a virgin,” I blurt out.
Gabe clasps his hands in front of him on top of the covers. “Why would you think that? She was dating Perry for a long time. And she’s had other boyfriends before.”
“Just something she said. But I figured that couldn’t be true anyway, right?”
He finally realizes what I’m getting at. “Well, I wouldn’t know either way. I wasn’t her first, if that’s what you’re asking.”