“Just go home, Zack. If you value our friendship at all, just leave me alone.”
†
I watch silently as Zack yanks his shirt over his head and then walks away. When the front door slams behind him a wave of emotion passes through me that’s so potent I almost can’t breathe.
Tears aren’t my usual response to confrontation so I’m ashamed at the tears that spill down my cheeks. If it was anyone else I would be on my feet and spouting curse words.
But this is Zack.
To hear such ugly accusations coming from him tore me up inside. Maybe that’s what hurts the most, that one of my closest friends could have such a low opinion of me. He really thinks that everything I’m doing is part of some diabolical plan to get Gabe’s attention. How could he really think that I’d try to break up his brother’s relationship? Not only because it’s untrue but because it’s so unlike me. He knows me and that I’d never do something like that.
At least I thought he did.
I’m not sure how long I’m sitting there before the door opens again. I sit up, ready to do battle when Isabelle turns the corner. She looks at me on the couch and then glances around the room.
“Where is he?”
“Who?” I get up and walk into the kitchen. I take down a mug and start water boiling for tea. Isabelle follows behind me and I know she’s waiting to get the scoop but I can’t look at her. She always sees everything and I’m not ready to talk about this yet.
“Zack. The tattooed temptation. I tried to give you guys some time alone but I have book club tonight so I need to get ready.”
“You didn’t need to do that. He had to get home.”
She pulls down another mug and then digs in the pantry for the tea. When she emerges, she’s got the Earl Grey blend that she favors and the raspberry green tea for me.
“I cannot believe I never realized how hot he is. Back in high school he seemed so aloof and I don’t know, above it all. Like he didn’t really care about anything. I never would have guessed he had that hiding under his clothes.” She fans her face dramatically. When I shrug but don’t say anything, she narrows her eyes. “But you didn’t seem so surprised by it.”
“Oh I was surprised. Totally surprised.”
Which is not an exaggeration at all. As many times as I’ve dreamed of Zack, the reality is so much better than my imagination. I can’t hold back a little sigh remembering the lean muscles in his chest, leading into his jeans. All the designs on his pecs, especially the one that extends down over his ribs only added to the hotness.
Now I’m not going to just be dreaming about him naked but I’ll be imagining myself tracing the lines of that tattoo. Of having the right to memorize every detail of it. Those dreams will hurt all the more now that I know what I’m missing. Just his kiss has ruined me.
When I got up this morning I was so sure of what I wanted and how to get there. Taking control of my life seemed like an easier plan before I was confronted with Zack in the flesh. It’s a lot easier to decide to move on when I’m not staring at everything I’ve ever wanted.
Izzie covers her mouth with her hand. “Oh my god.”
“What?”
“All this time, you’ve been telling the truth?”
“What do you mean?”
She’s staring at me with a strange expression on her face. It makes me uncomfortable, so I focus on putting sugar in my tea. When I look up again, she’s still watching me but the expression on her face has shifted from shock to… pity?
“You kept insisting there was nothing between you and Gabe. Of course, I thought you were just saying that because it was so obvious that you were in love. But now I see what’s really going on. You’re in love but not with him. It’s Zack. He’s the one.”
All I can do is nod, my throat suddenly so thick that I can barely swallow. Izzie follows as I carry my tea to the couch. I place it carefully on the side table and then curl up against the cushions, dragging a nubby throw blanket around my legs. Ever since Zack left, it’s like I have this chill I can’t shake.
“It’s always been him. But he doesn’t feel the same way so it doesn’t matter.”
“Are you sure? The way he was looking at you earlier almost made my panties melt. How could I have missed this?”
I can’t help but laugh at her disgruntled question. “I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding how I feel. There was no use in broadcasting it around. He’s not mine and never will be. Even if he likes how I look, his relationship with his brother comes first. He only sees me as ‘Gabe’s girl’ and I don’t see that changing any time soon.”
After our argument earlier, this point is especially obvious. I scoot down on the couch and rest my head on Izzie’s shoulder.
“Do you want me to stay home tonight?”