Chapter 21
Harper
After they leave, Ichange into leggings and a t-shirt. Tonight went well, but I still feel like a stranger. Tessa seems like a great friend and wants to continue but how do I? Is it easier to push them away and move forward? I shake my head, not knowing what the answer is, but maybe it’s time I start thinking about that. What am I going to do if I don’t get any of my memories back? I can’t stay with Liam forever, and somehow I have to continue living life without any knowledge of the last nine years. How the hell am I supposed to do that? There must be a way I can speed up the process.
Every time he looks at me, I can see how much he cares about me, but I’m not the same Harper. He’s in love with the old me, and we aren’t even close to the same person. Tessa says I drink, but my grandparents were alcoholics and my parents made me make a vow to never drink. Why would I do that? Doesn’t make any sense to break it. There are so many questions that I need answers to, and the only thing that will do that is to gain my memories back. Why the hell out of all the places I could have moved, did I pick Texas? What the hell happened in California that made me want to up and move?
It’s like an instant thought, and Dr. Newman comes to mind. She could help me. My parents used to make me see her at least once a year, not that anything was wrong with me, but because they wanted me to have someone to talk to about things I didn’t feel comfortable talking to them about. Dr. Newman. I could call her, and see if she can video chat with me. Honestly, with all these years gone, who knows if I’ve even talked to her since being here.
I go out to the living room and open the laptop again, searching for a way to contact her online. There can’t be that many Dr. Newman’s in Covina, California. I was sadly mistaken, the search results come up with seventeen pages and as I start going to each one, Liam joins me.
“Whatcha doin’?”
“Well, I used to see this therapist, and thought maybe I could reach out to her. Surely, I’ve talked to her since my parents’ death. In fact, I think she is the first person I would go to.”
After ten pages, I finally pull up her on a website and find a contact number for her. I dial it on his home phone and it just rings before going to voicemail.
“Hi, this is Harper Davis. I’m not sure how long it’s been since we had an appointment, but I really need to talk to you. Please call me back 986-856-8548.”
Since the police never recovered my phone, or any of my personal things, I can’t really do anything without proper identification, and unfortunately that means I have to wait until I get my new birth certificate so I can get a new driver’s license.
Liam picks up the remote and starts scrolling through Netflix, and I tell him to stop. “That one.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
It looks like something I would watch, and honestly I just wanted something to escape into that isn’t reality. Not that Liam isn’t great, but how do I know if I actually like him or if my feelings are there because he’s been by my side in all this? Without my memories, he’s just a stranger that I’m living with basically.
After the first episode, he stops it and asks me, “So what did you think of the first episode?”
“It’s a little sexual if you ask me. But hell, you can’t find anything on TV anymore that doesn’t. Hopefully the storyline gets better as it goes on. If not, I might fall asleep.”
He presses play and I curl into him on the couch, and for a second it’s awkward but then it just feels like home. Like I belong here, with his arms around me. Yet, should I be doing this? Isn’t this leading him on? Feelings are there, but are they real? How will I ever know? This is why I need Dr. Newman. I’ve been seeing her since I was a teenager, and she knows more about me than I do myself.
This is why things are so up in the air for us, and it’s not because he isn’t a great guy, he is, but my feelings before my accident aren’t known. All I can do is get to know him now, and see if those feelings hold up. Yet, I don’t want to hurt him after everything he’s done for me.
Tessa might be someone I can talk to about this, but the fact she’s his sister in law can make things a little complicated. Could I trust her not to say anything?
Everyone just needs to let me move on, and figure out how I am going to move forward. Right now, the only way to do that is to talk to Dr. Newman. At least, she can give me some insight on my parents’ death, and maybe tell me why I decided to go to Texas. Until then, all I can do is be thankful to Liam and Tessa for standing by my side through all this, and hope they understand if I don’t stick around.
How do you willingly leave behind a guy like Liam? Someone who stays by your side not only during one attack but two?