Chapter 22
SUSANNA
For a few heartbeats, Xavran remained silent. But if I was going to share my life with him, I really needed to know the answers to my questions, so I pressed on.
“How did your first wife die, Xavran? Please tell me the truth.”
He fisted his hands in his lap.
“Gelnall died in a crash. The aircraft she traveled in fell into the lake, right behind my home.”
“People say you were somehow responsible,” I said softly.
He leaned forward, his dark eyes glistening in the night. “Do you believe that?”
“No. I wouldn’t be here if I did.” The more I got to know him, the less sense the rumors made. Xavran wouldn’t deliberately hurt anyone. He would never put his family in danger. I’d seen him fight the monstrous worm, ready to die for his children. “I just want to understand what happened.”
“I was the first at the crash scene, so that much is true,” he said. “I was fishing on Diria Lake. I saw the aircraft coming in. I witnessed the crash. I dove to get them and managed to pull them both into my boat.”
“Both? Who was with her?”
He frowned, staring straight ahead of him. It looked like my questions had opened a wound, and I kept silent, afraid to poke it too much.
Once opened, however, it brought the need to let it all out, as he spoke again.
“I could’ve killed him right then and there.” He rubbed his forehead, his voice hollow. “But she was hurt. And I had to save her. That was the priority, not my anger.” He drew in a long breath and released it with a tremor running through his entire body. “It was too late. Only four children survived. She and the rest were gone.”
I took his hand between both of mine.
“I’m so sorry, Xavran.” I expected tears in his eyes, but when he turned to me, there was only anger shining dangerously bright.
“I asked her to wait until the babies were born. I begged her. But she just couldn’t help it.” He drew in a breath. “Maybe I shouldn’t blame her as much as I do. I read recently that it could be a condition. Something to do with the way her brain worked. An addiction of sorts.”
“What kind of addiction?”
“Gelnall had a secret she kept from everyone, even her parents. The asshole who crashed the aircraft wasn’t the only one. She had many men. An awful lot of them.”
“And you knew about them?”
“Not at the beginning. When we first met, she told me she wasn’t seeing anyone else, and maybe she wasn’t, though I’ve doubted that since. I learned she was meeting a man in Arqa shortly after we found out she was pregnant, a month or two after our wedding.” He ran a hand over his left horn. “Pregnancy is a rare thing for Aldraians. I was elated when it happened for us so quickly. I believed Gelnall was happy, too, but family life wasn’t for her. She got bored quickly. For a while, I blamed myself for failing to make my wife happy. Now, I believe she wouldn’t have been happy with any one man. She craved excitement, and she found it in having affairs.”
“Yet you stayed together. Why?”
He stretched his neck, rubbing his nape. “I was furious when I found out she’d lied to me about her trips to Arqa. I asked for a divorce, but she wouldn’t give it to me.”
“Why not? You said she was bored. She didn’t like being married.”
“I was surprised by that, too, at first,” he said. “But that was the nature of Gelnall’s addiction. She didn’t want to be free. She needed the thrill of sneaking around, of inventing lies, and risking being caught. All of that excited her, making her feel alive.”
“Did you hope she’d change?”
He shook his head. “If I ever did, that hope died quickly. Gelnall didn’t believe she had to change. If there were any treatments, she refused to even talk about getting help. Once my initial shock and hurt had passed, I decided to stay with her.”
“Why?”
“She was pregnant.”
“Right.”
“I promised to stay with her until the children were born,” he continued. “In exchange, I asked her to help me take care of her, to be careful. Despite all our medical advancements, the last month of pregnancy is never easy. She carried twelve fetuses in her belly. The doctors told her to relax, rest a lot, and avoid any strenuous activities. Instead, she took a trip with one of her lovers.”
“Was that where they went that day?” I held my breath, waiting for his answer.
He nodded again. “They were returning from the trip when she went into labor, right there in the aircraft. The man she was with claimed he turned off the auto-pilot system by mistake. Maybe he did. Maybe he was hand-flying all along. Either way, he panicked and made a mistake. They crashed.”
He went quiet. I could only imagine what was going through his head as he recalled that day.
“You never told anyone she wasn’t alone,” I said.
“The authorities know. Her lover got lucky. He only had a few bruises when I pulled him out of the water. Should’ve let him drown,” he spat through his teeth. “But he gave his statement to the investigators, which cleared me from their suspicions.”
“They never made those statements public, though.”
“I asked them not to,” he confessed.
“Why?”
He rubbed his chest. “When I found out about Gelnall’s...um, life choices, she begged me not to tell anyone. I ended up lying for her, covering up her absences, because she was terrified what people would think if they knew the truth, especially her parents. They thought she was perfect in every way. They still think so.”
“You allowed her parents to think you were her murderer? Do you realize that you’ve been protecting her reputation at the expense of yours?”
He jerked his head, his horns scraping against the hard plates of the pheiza.
“The authorities cleared me. Most people in Diria don’t dare accuse me to my face, and I don’t care what they say behind my back.”
“Meanwhile, everyone believes Gelnall was a saint.”