He shifted uneasily.
“Susanna. I want you to know I never had any feelings for your sister. I never thought about my marriage to her as anything more than a formality on paper, which I clearly stated in the contract before she and I were even matched. All I wanted in a wife was a partner to help me with the family.”
I tilted my head back, trying to see his face in the darkness.
“I never doubted that,” I said.
He cupped my cheek. “I made a huge mistake. I married the wrong sister.”
I didn’t blame him for that, either. He’d never had the chance to make a choice before he met us. I was just grateful that he and I got a chance to meet at all.
“Mara never laid any claim on me before,” he continued. “I refuse to believe my feelings for you have been in any way dishonest.”
Was this about Mara trying to “claim” him in the bathroom? Did he feel guilty about what she did?
“Earlier today, for a few unfortunate moments, I mistook her for you,” he said. “She knew that. I called her by your name, and she didn’t correct me. If I’ve misled her somehow—”
“Xavran,” I wasn’t going to let guilt over Mara’s actions rack him. “The only reason Mara got naked and climbed into your tub was because First Officer Qhax told her how important your job was and how much it paid. It had nothing to do with you. She never cared about you as a person, either before or after that.”
He exhaled a laugh. “Oh, I’ve been well aware of her lack of feelings. Her sudden...interest in me back on the landing deck was rather shocking.”
He had looked genuinely perplexed back then.
“Well, like I said, the explanation is simple. Money and power would make Mara interested in just about anyone. Trust me, it had nothing to do with what you did or what you said. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”
He remained silent for a moment. I pressed my cheek to his chest, drawing with my finger little circles on the material of his coveralls.
“I don’t think Mara will want to stay in Diria now,” he said. “She never liked it there, anyway. But I’ll pay for any accommodation she finds suitable in Arqa for as long as she needs.”
“That’s really nice of you. I suspect she may want to go back to Earth, though.”
He made a surprised sound. “But you said it’s not safe for the two of you to return home.”
“Well, apparently the bad guys are about to be caught. She wants to go back after that happens.”
“Are you considering going back, too?” he asked with concern.
No one waited for me back home. All my hopes for the future lay here, on Aldrai. But we hadn’t exactly spoken about my staying after the year was up.
“Well, I still have some time left of my employment contract with you...” I said tentatively.
“And you’ve been doing such a great job that I’ve been thinking about extending it,” he teased with a smile in his voice.
“You have?” I matched his tone. “For how long are you thinking of extending it?”
He flexed his arm around my shoulders, holding me tight. “Indefinitely.”
“I may consider that.” I snuggled closer into his side.
“But I want to propose some changes to the terms of our agreement.”
“Like what?”
He shifted to make us both a little more comfortable. “For one, you won’t have your own bedroom anymore. You’ll be moving into mine. Permanently.”
“Will you take my paycheck away, too?”
“Yes. And I’ll extend your working hours. From now on, I’ll expect you to be available for me at night too.”
“That sounds like an outrageous exploitation.” I huffed dramatically, faking indignation. “Hard to believe anyone would fall for that.”
He smiled. “Isn’t that what they say? That the job of a wife and a mother is the most demanding one of all?”
True. Inside, I felt giddy with excitement at the “changes to the agreement” he’d proposed. On the outside, I kept a stern expression, however.
“I’ll hire as many helpers as you need,” he offered. “To make sure you have time to relax.”
“Will I be getting any compensation at all?”
“Yes.” His voice turned serious. “You’ll get my unconditional love and affection. My full support in everything you do. My undying devotion until the end of our days and beyond. And my heart...if you want it.”
That was exactly what I wanted—to spend the rest of my life with this man, to become a part of his family, and to grow old together, side by side with him, surrounded by our children.
I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest, afraid that if I said a word, all the wonderful feelings that bubbled in my chest right now would overflow with tears.
“I’ll think about it,” I finally mumbled into his chest.
“I’ll wait,” he exhaled, kissing my hair, “for as long as it takes.”
I thought about our life together so far. There had been challenges I’d never thought I’d be able to handle before. It still felt like I was failing sometimes.
“I’ve never thought I could be any good at looking after four children,” I confessed. My thoughts went back to my visit to the principal’s office. “There’s something I really need to talk to you about. The kids’ principal wants to speak with you. She said she’d been trying to get a hold of you.”
“What happened?” His voice dropped with worry. “She never left a message.”
“Hm. I wonder why?” I asked, a bit puzzled.
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t think she really wants to see me. The last time I went to her office, she told me a boy was mean to Illal, and...well, I might have lost my temper. A little.”
“I can’t say I did much better. Just to warn you, she may complain about my behavior at our meeting with her.” I heaved a breath. “To be honest, I often feel over my head with the kids. I’ve ordered a few books on Aldraian child psychology and development. I feel like I need to learn so much.”
“The learning never stops,” he agreed. “I’ve had children for eleven years now, and there’re always situations when I just don’t know what to do.”
I sat up, turning his way, though that didn’t help me see him any better in the darkness. “Ene has had some troubles with another girl in school. I knew about that for some time, but I promised Illal not to tell anyone. I didn’t want to break the promise, but maybe I should have.”
“What happened? How is Ene?”
“Better now. But I think she could use some help. Maybe we could get someone, a professional counselor or someone like that, to help her deal with her mother’s...with the loss of her mother.”
“Is that really the problem?” he sounded doubtful. “Ene has never met her mother. She wouldn’t even remember her.”
“That doesn’t mean she is not affected by her loss.” I laced my fingers together. “You know she goes into your wife’s old room?”
He shifted to sit straighter. “What for?”
“To cry when she’s sad or feels alone. I’d rather she came to you. Or to me. Or to anyone who is alive and can actually listen and help her. Instead, she cries to a picture.”
He released a breath. “I didn’t know that.”
“It’s heart-breaking.”
“How often does she do it?”
“Not often. In fact, she hadn’t gone in there for weeks now, which is a good thing, I hope. Still, we should talk to someone. And...maybe it’s time to do something else with that room?” I asked carefully. “What do you think?”
“I should never have kept it for this long.” Deep remorse filtered into his voice. “It’s just that... I couldn’t bring myself to go in there. I pushed off having to deal with it. But you’re right, it’s time to get rid of it.”
His voice lifted a bit at the end, and I ventured to ask.
“Why do you have that room in the first place, Xavran?” Married couples slept together on Aldrai, just like they did on Earth. Yet it appeared Xavran and his late wife had separate bedrooms. “What happened between you and your wife?”