“We’re not a couple,” he managed, trying to ignore the ache.
His mom nodded. “I guess I was just hoping.” She ruffled his hair, her eyes reflecting his pain. “But if you feel something for her, that’s okay, too. Sara wouldn’t have wanted you to mourn her forever. You deserve happiness, James, and to have somebody to take care of you. I’ve hated watching you be so lonely for all these years.”
“None of us know what Sara would have wanted,” he said, his voice low. “And she’s not around to ask anymore.”
“I didn’t mean…”
“I know.” He put up his hand. “But this stuff isn’t helping. It’s hard enough trying to figure out how we’re going to co-parent this baby without people making assumptions and gossiping and pushing us toward each other. I like Harper. She’s a friend and the mom of my child. But that’s all we are.”
“Okay,” she said softly. “I’m sorry for asking. I guess I was just hoping for the happily-ever-after.”
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“I think we both know they don’t exist.” Not for him, at least. He tried to push down the anger his mom’s line of questioning was stirring up. “I should go. Harper’s waiting and she needs to get home.”
“Of course.” His mom leaned forward and hugged him. His body was stiff as she slowly stepped back and gave him a sad smile. “I love you, sweetheart.”
“Love you, too.”
As he ran down the steps he could feel the warmth of her scrutiny on his back. No doubt she’d spend the evening fretting about him, the way she had done for years. Even though it did none of them any good. He wished they’d all stop, and treat him like they used to. A man who had his life under control; one who knew where he was going and when he was going to get there.
But that man had disappeared the day he’d lost his wife and son. Right now he wasn’t sure how to get him back.
* * *
James had been silent since they’d left his parents’ house. Harper wasn’t sure what his mom had said to him, but whatever it was clearly played on his mind as he drove her back to Caitie and Breck’s apartment. His jaw was tight, his eyes fixed on the road ahead, and she found herself rubbing her stomach awkwardly.
“Your parents are lovely,” she finally said. “It was so kind of them to invite me over.”
“Yeah. They’re good people.” He cleared his throat, his eyes trained on the road ahead.
More silence. She pulled her lip between her teeth as the car turned left onto Main Street, past Megassey’s Hardware Store and the bookshop. Everything was closed up on this Sunday evening, but there were still a few people walking back from a day at the beach, carrying towels and coolers, umbrellas and sleeping children.
“What kind of parents were they when you were growing up?” she asked him when he pulled to a stop light.
“Huh?” He turned to look at her, blinking as though he was surprised she was there. “Did you say something?”
“It’s okay.” She shook her head. “I was just making conversation.”
He ran his hand through his hair, then placed it back on the wheel, accelerating as the light turned green. “I’m sorry, I’m a little distracted. Ask me again.”
“I was only asking what kind of parents they were. Were they strict? Laid back? Did they used to ground you a lot?”
“It’s hard to remember.” The ghost of a smile played at his lips. “I guess they were somewhere in between. They let me do what I wanted unless I hurt myself or somebody else. And they were fanatical about me making good grades. I can remember being grounded homecoming weekend because I’d got a ‘D’ on an English paper.” Furrows crisscrossed his brow. “But even when they punished me I knew it was coming from a place of love. Because they wanted the best for me.” He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “How about you?”
“Me?”
“You’ve said your grandma had a lot of expectations. Was she strict about those?”
Harper swallowed. “Um, yeah, pretty strict. I went to an all-girls prep school, and I wasn’t allowed to have boyfriends or wear makeup. The only time I really talked to boys was when we were visiting her friends who had children or grandchildren my age. So when I went to college I went pretty crazy.”
His smile widened, and it warmed her. “I think a lot of people go crazy when they go to college.”
“Oh yeah? Were you the med school stud?”
He laughed. “Not really. I had a few relationships and then I met Sara. After that we were a couple until she died.”
“How long were you together?”