I licked my lips and nodded, wanting to say something but unsure how to word it.
“Okay,” he said softly and smiled, a flash of his straight, white teeth and slightly pointed canines.
I clenched my thighs together at the sight, the strange sensation moving inside me as I thought—imagined—him biting my neck, sinking those teeth into the supple flesh of my throat, and marking me in the way I knew his kind yearned for.
He went to turn, and on impulse I reached out and curled my fingers around his thick wrist. He stopped and looked over at me, his body heat spearing into me just from that small touch.
“Will you come back?” I saw the softening of his expression, the warmth entering his eyes. “Will you sleep with me?” The very idea of being alone in this big room terrified me for reasons that had nothing to do with my trauma. I just wanted to be close with him, even if he was just holding me, even if he just whispered goodnight in Gaelic.
“Lass,” he groaned and turned, instantly enveloping me in his big, strong arms. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” He cupped the back of my head and kept me pressed to his chest.
We stayed like that for long seconds before I was the one to step away.
“I’m going to take a bath, but I’ll be here when you get back.” It seemed so silly to say that. Of course I’d be here. It wasn’t as if I was going anywhere else. But I also knew he liked hearing that, the confirmation that I wasn’t leaving. And I liked seeing that pleasure on his face.
With one more lingering look, one more touch of his thumb across my cheek as if he couldn’t help himself, Odhran left and shut the door behind him.
The room suddenly felt vast, too empty, too lonely. Although I was surrounded by his things, his scent in my nose, the memory of his touch fresh, I still felt as if the empty space would swallow me whole. I closed my eyes and let the pleasurable tingling of the arousal he gave me with just a glance move across every exposed part of my body.
And even though we hadn’t solidified anything, although we hadn’t fully consummated being together, and he hadn’t given me his mark, this sensation, this bone-deep need and wanting would only grow within me.
This need to be close, to touch him, for him to touch me… would grow until it consumed me, and there was no stopping it, like a raging wildfire eating up everything in its path.
I lifted a hand to run it over my brow, feeling drops of perspiration. A mated connection was intense, and now that we were back together, it would only burn us both alive until it was completed. And the more we fought it, the more painful it would become.
My mind was in survival mode, fighting with my body over what was good and right and exactly what I needed.
“I’m losing my mind,” I said to nothing and no one as I glanced around the room.
I tried to clear my head of all the “what ifs” and moved toward the closet, looking at all the clothing for a moment. I turned and glanced at the other side, seeing Odhran’s very masculine clothes lined up. Everything felt so strange, like I was in the middle of the ocean, nothing to be seen for miles but the vastness of… nothing.
For so long, I’d been trapped in a cell, the walls unbreakable. The only company I had were my thoughts and my memories, my dreams and my fantasies. And now I had all this space and could see and do anything I wanted.
My heart started racing the longer I stood there, the more that vastness filled me, the more I couldn’t breathe. The room spun, and sweat beaded my brow. I grabbed the first things I saw—a buttery soft pair of pants and a long-sleeved shirt. I stumbled out of the closet and made my way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and leaning against it.
For a second, I just stood there with the lights off, my eyes squeezed shut. I blindly reached out to my side until my fingers touched the light switch, and I turned it on.
When I opened my eyes and looked around, my heart started racing a little bit faster as I took in all the unusual things, the modern technologies that were so strange and foreign, yet beautiful and frightening all in the same breath.
I exhaled and walked over to the bathtub, thankful Odhran had explained how to turn it on. Once I had the water adjusted to the right temperature, I turned and looked at myself in the large mirror that hung above the vanity. I’d seen myself since escaping, but I’d been in so much pain and so tired that I hadn’t given much thought to my appearance.
I walked up to the mirror and curled my hands around the granite edge, staring into my blue eyes, taking in my black hair that hung lifelessly over my shoulders, the locks a little bit tangled from sleeping during the car ride.
I lifted a hand and ran my finger under the fading dark circles under my eyes. Over the past few days, I’d eaten better than I had… in far too long. My skin was still pale but didn’t have the translucent effect where I could see the blue lines of my veins underneath from being malnourished and starved in more than one way.
I straightened and took a few steps back, still staring at myself as I started to get undressed. As I removed the layers of clothing, I felt a sixth sense of horror and dread. Aside from the all-but-healed bullet wound on my side, I hadn’t inspected my body in far too long. But now under the glow of the lights, nothing hidden from view, I stood in shock at what was revealed.
Numerous tiny scars littered my abdomen and arms, my thighs, even the tops of my feet. I stared at that nasty brand, one that although had healed and faded some, brought me right back to the beginning when I’d gotten it.
I lifted my hair and turned around, looking over my shoulder at my back. I could see the whip marks covering my flesh, remembering each strike they’d given me over the years.
I dropped the heavy fall of my hair and faced the bathtub, watching as the water flowed out of the spout. At that moment, I felt hideous, didn’t know how Odhran could possibly find me attractive when I couldn’t even stand to look at myself.
How can he ever love me when I can’t even love myself?
After shutting off the water, I climbed into the tub. The water was a little too hot, but I welcomed the sting it brought to my body. It reminded me that I was alive.
I rested my head back and closed my eyes, letting my arms float out on either side of me, the tub so big it swallowed me whole. The lavender oil I’d poured into the water rose with the steam and surrounded me.