I nod silently, although I don’t quite believe him, how can I when it took so long for him to see me as nothing but—
“Kitty? Tell us what you’re thinking.”
I shake my head no in response, he’ll hate me if I tell him what I’m really thinking.
“Tell me,” Charlie begs.
I worry my lip, pulling away from him slightly before taking a calming breath and meeting his eyes again.
“I don’t see how you can only want me, all you ever thought of me was as a piece of ass, someone who you could sleep with, no strings attached. I don’t get what changed.”
His eyes flash with an emotion I’ve never seen before and he pulls away from me even more, leaning back on the sofa as he looks out of the window behind Yvonne.
I wrap my arms around my stomach, sinking down into the cushions and trying to make myself as small as possible.
I knew I shouldn’t have said anything, I should have kept my mouth shut.
I lean forward on the sofa, resting my forearms on my thighs and dropping my head down.
When the rehab called and asked me to come and be a part of a session, I didn’t know what to think, but I knew I’d be there. I’d go anywhere for her, do anything.
Now she’s asking for me to talk to her about something that I’ve never talked about. No one will ever understand what I went through, but I realize now that just because they haven’t suffered what I have, doesn’t mean that I can’t share how I feel.
“When Emmy died,” I start. “I thought I’d never find anyone else. She was my everything for as long as I could remember. We were high school sweethearts, she came to live with me after being in a bad foster home and we spent so much time together, every waking minute we were always by each other’s side.” I lift my head, looking into her eyes and hating how she tries to make herself disappear, but I can’t go to her yet, I need to get this out. “It never got to be too much between us, we were always there for one another. I think deep down we always knew that we’d be together... forever.” I choke on the last word and she leans further back into the sofa. I can see the confusion on her face, knowing that she doesn’t understand why I’m telling her this, but I have to get her to understand it from the beginning.
“We got married and I started at the academy while she worked with Ma, we got our own place, became that couple, the one’s that would rather stay in with each other than go out. Things were good, no, things were great.”
I swallow the lump forming in my throat and try to bat away the images of me and Emmy, of what we were like together.
“Then she got pregnant, we were so happy, it was the final piece to the puzzle.” I look away again, clasping my hands together and squeezing them. “The day she… they died, I thought my world had ended.”
“Charlie,” she whispers but I can’t acknowledge her yet, I need to get it all out first.
“It’s one thing having your wife and unborn baby die, it’s another thing seeing them crushed to death under a dump truck.”
She gasps and moves forward, lifting up on her knees and opening her arms wide for me.
I swing my head to hers, tears and heartbreak running down my cheeks before I bury my head into her chest, clutching her like she’s my only lifeline.
“I didn’t know,” she chokes out. I don’t answer her, instead I let all of the emotions come out of me, emotions that I’ve kept locked up tight for years, scared to allow them out.
“It’s okay,” she whispers, over and over again.
We stay like that for what feels like hours, when in reality it’s mere minutes before I pull away, resting my forehead against hers.
“That’s until I saw you that day in the bar.” I smile softly, rubbing my hand up her back and wrapping it at the base of her neck as I remember her sitting there at the bar. “You called to me; not like she did, this was different. She called to my heart, but you… you called to my soul. I couldn’t stop my feet moving toward you even if I wanted to.”
The breath catches in her throat and a tear slips free, tracking down her face slowly.
“She may have been my first love, but you, Kitty. You’re my soulmate, my other half.” I stare into her eyes, showing her how much she means to me. “You’ve never just been a piece of ass, Kitty. You’re so much more than that, you always have been, it just took me a while to figure it out.”
I pull back, wiping away the tear that’s rolling down her cheek.
“I am?”
“You are.” I grin. “Sorry it
took me so long to work it out.”