I pace the small room, waiting for Charlie to turn up. I’ve been on edge for the last week, knowing that Yvonne would be calling him and asking him to come all the way here for a session. I doubted whether he would come, thinking that it’d be too far just to come for a couple of hours, but when she came to tell me yesterday that he’ll be here today, my nerves spiked and the need for pills got worse.
I barely got any sleep last night, the urge to run taking over me and making me want to jump out of the window and escape the invisible walls that surround the center.
Maybe Yvonne is right and he is my weakness because my reaction to seeing him again isn’t normal, I shouldn’t be this on edge.
“Sit down,” Yvonne says softly, smiling at me as I take a seat and stand up again, not being able to keep still.
He’ll be here any minute now and I’m both nervous and excited to see him again. What will his reaction to me be? Will he still look at me the same?
A knock on the door has me squealing and bringing my hands to my mouth, biting the nails that have managed to grow in the six weeks I’ve been here.
It’s too soon, I’m not ready to see him, not ready to—
The breath leaves my body as soon as the door opens and I see him standing in the doorway, his chocolate brown eyes finding mine and filling with emotion. He takes one step toward me and that’s all I need to go running to him, flinging myself at him and knowing that he’ll catch me, just like he always has.
“Kitty.” I hold him tighter at the sound of my name coming from his lips, his voice gruff and raw with emotion.
His smell surrounds me and somehow allows me to breathe better, easier. He’s always been able to do that, make me feel like I’m stronger when he’s around, and that’s part of the reason why I needed him to not bring me here in the first place. I knew I’d end up leaning on him, letting him take charge, when in reality, it was me who needed to do this, without him. I needed to prove to myself that I was strong enough.
I pull back, not bothering to wipe away the tears that are rolling down my face. “Hey,” I whisper.
“Hey, yourself.”
He winks and I can’t help the chuckle that breaks free as he lets me down, taking hold of my hand as he turns us around.
“Yvonne.” Charlie holds his hand out to her, shaking it before introducing himself. “Take a seat,” she tells us.
We both sit down on the sofa, Charlie not letting my hand go as his eyes scan me from head to toe.
“You look so much better.”
“Thanks.” I smile, feeling a blush rising up my cheeks.
There’s a minute of silence before Yvonne clears her throat, drawing our attention to her.
“I asked you to come here to help with Kitty’s recovery.” She crosses her legs and clasps her hands in her lap. “You and Kitty have a history, a history that Kitty refuses to talk about in detail. And to overcome some of her issues, she needs to talk about them with you.”
“Okay,” Charlie says, clearly confused. “Anything you need me to do to help, I’ll do it.”
“I want you to talk to each other, tell each other what you’ve felt in the last few years of your… relationship.”
Charlie’s eyes meet mine and I look away, scared that he’s going to refuse to talk about Emmy. I know it’s not my place to want to talk about her, that’s his past, but it’s also the main thing that has always come between us.
“Sure.” One word and the breath leaves my body in a whoosh. “Where shall we start?”
“Kitty?” Yvonne prompts. “How about you tell Charlie what you told me in our last session.”
I turn to Charlie, the hope in his eyes causing my stomach to bottom out.
“Emmy,” I whisper, looking away from him. “I know she was your wife, and… and…” I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “I know you loved her, that you’ll never look at anyone the way you did her.”
“Kit—”
“Let me finish.” I open my eyes and look up to him. “I know that you needed to grieve before you made that commitment to me, I understand it, I really do. But I feel like she’s always there. In the house you live in, in the car you drive. Sometimes I feel like a stand in, like I need to be more like her to please you, but I can’t…” I hiccup a sob. “I can’t be her, Charlie, I can only be me.”
His hands cup the side of my face as he leans forward, his eyes capturing mine.
“I only want you to be you,” he tells me. “I know you’re not Emmy and I wouldn’t want you to be because it’s you that I want.”