Time passed in chunks. The cool night air hit me in the face, and I shivered, then warmth was surrounding me, and the sound of a car engine lulled me into a false sense of security. People talked, the police radio pinged, and my gaze couldn’t focus on any single thing. We drove by stores and then a gas station, the roads darkened and lightened as more streetlights came into view, and then the car pulled up outside of the emergency room. The large red sign above the door was a beacon—a warning that once I’d passed that point, there would be no turning back.
I had no idea what time it was because I wasn’t sure how much time had passed by, but I knew it was still the same night. The same night I’d met Asher’s parents. The same night Knox had come into my apartment. The same night he’d—
“We can sit here until you’re ready,” a soft voice said, and
I turned my head toward it. My eyes blurred in and out as I tried to focus on the face, but it felt like minutes until it became clear. Jenette. The police officer from the apartment. It was just me and her in the police car. Her in the front, and me in the back. I wasn’t sure what I should have said to her, so instead of saying something, I kept silent. Words were useless at this point. She couldn’t help me. No one could help me.
I shouldn’t have agreed to come here. I should have stayed at the apartment and let time pass. I should have told myself it didn’t happen and tried to carry on as normal. I’d have been okay in the end, right?
“I can see the wheels turning in your head,” Jenette said softly. “I know it’s difficult, but once the rap—” She paused, stumbling on the word. “Testing. Once the testing is done, and the evidence is gathered, you’ll be able to go home and start healing.”
Home. I wasn’t even sure I had a home now. The thought of going back to the apartment filled me with so much fear my body physically jerked at the notion. I shook my head at my earlier thoughts. I wouldn’t have been able to just get over it. This wasn’t a slap or hair pull, or even a black eye. This was so much worse than anything I’d ever experienced, and I was afraid I was shutting down. Scared I’d never be the same. Terrified to get out of this car and—
Several beeps rang out and Jenette shuffled in her seat. I tried to keep my attention focused on her because at least then I’d have something to occupy my mind and keep the memories at bay. She pulled something out of her pocket and frowned down at it, and then the beeping stopped. But it was only a couple of seconds until it started back up again.
Her gaze flicked back to me and then to whatever she was holding, and finally the noise stopped again, but this time she held it to her ear and questioned, “Hello?” Her eyes widened and she sat up straighter, and I was fascinated with her reaction to whoever was on the other end of the line.
“I…yes, sir, I have her with me right now.” My breaths came faster as her gaze met mine. She was talking about me. But why? What was happening? And why—
My shoulders drooped, and my panic escalated. Knox’s dad had pull in this state, so had he already heard about what had happened? Was he trying to cover it all up? There was no point in me going into that hospital because his dad would twist and turn it all on me so his son would get away with it, just like he did with everything else. He never had to pay for his sins.
I yanked on the door handle, but it wouldn’t give. I was trapped inside the car with this policewoman and had no escape in sight. I needed to get out. I needed to leave. I needed to save myself from all of this.
“Elodie,” Jenette called, but I couldn’t listen to her. She’d end up being part of a coverup, that was if she wasn’t already. “Elodie, stop,” she said, this time louder, but I just pulled at the door handle harder.
“I have to get out,” I gasped, feeling like I couldn’t quite pull in a full breath. My fingers tingled and my vision blurred. “I need to…I have to…”
“Shit.” Metal banged against metal and seconds later my door flung open and I threw myself out of the car. My knees hit the hard asphalt and my palms scraped against the rough ground, but I didn’t care. I needed to be able to take a breath and—
“It’s okay,” Jenette said from right next to me, but all I did was shake my head in response. It wasn’t okay. None of this was okay. “It was just my boss checking where we were.” I had no idea why she was telling me that. “He wanted to make sure you were safe.” Safe? Why would he want to make sure I was safe? Or maybe he wanted to see if I’d already gone into the hospital. If Knox’s dad could stop me in my tracks, I had no doubt he would—
“You have family on the way. He just wanted to know where to send them and—”
“Family?” I interrupted, turning my head to look at Jenette. In the bright lights of the front of the hospital, I could make her face out properly. Her dark eyes looked sad, and her almost black hair was pulled into a low bun. She meant business, but there was no keeping her emotions at bay. I wondered if she could see the pain reflected in my eyes. I wondered if she could sense the need to escape from me.
“Yeah.” She smiled small. “They’re coming to take care of you.” She crouched down beside me and it was on the tip of my tongue to tell her my family would never want to come and take care of me. They wouldn’t drop everything to help me, but I couldn’t quite get the words out, because once I’d said them aloud, they’d be all the more real. “They’ll be here soon. But first…” She tilted her head to the side to indicate the main entrance to the hospital. “Let’s get this over with, yeah?”
I swallowed and desperately wanted to say no. I wasn’t sure I could go through with this. Besides, it wasn’t like it would go anywhere. I’d have all of the tests done and then what? Knox would get away with it. Men who did what he did always got away with it.
“They don’t,” Jenette said, and I blinked at her. Had I said that out loud? “I promise you, Elodie. They don’t. This is the most important part: gathering the evidence. And right now, the evidence is on your skin and under your nails.” She paused and held her hand out. “Even if you decide after this that you don’t want anything done, at least you’ll have the option.”
I glanced over at the main entrance again, then closed my eyes, trying to center myself. Asher would want me to do this. Asher…oh god, Asher. He needed me to do this. Without this evidence, he wouldn’t have a reason to have come in and done what he did to Knox. Asher needed me. He was relying on me. And that had me standing up, my shoulders back with a renewed vigor. I may not have been able to do this for me, but I could do it for him. I hoped.
My determination lasted all of five minutes until I was in a room alone, waiting for a nurse to come inside and take the clothes I was wearing and everything else she needed to do. I’d never had anything like this happen, so I had no idea how far all this testing would go, but I knew I had to do it. For me. For Asher. For every woman out there, who hadn’t been able to. But it didn’t make it any easier.
I stood in the corner of the room, my gaze focused on the door, waiting. Waiting. Waiting some more. Time passed, and voices echoed from the hallway, then finally a knock rapped on the door and it opened.
“Hi there,” a woman’s voice said, and I knew right away she was a nurse from the scrubs she was wearing and the cart with several things on it she was wheeling inside. Was all that for me? A huge encased package sat on the top, and a gown on the second shelf. Did I have to get undressed? I wrapped my arms around my stomach at the thought of exposing myself to a complete stranger. I’d never been the kind of person ashamed of my body, but right then the thought of her seeing me had terror running through my veins.
“No,” I commanded, my voice brooking no room for argument. I shook my head and backed up even more, knocking something over in the process, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t do this. It was okay in theory when I’d been outside, but now…now it was a reality smacking me in the face and threatening to knock me over. She’d see what he did to me. She’d witness the pain shadowing my body. She’d see a part of me I was scared for anyone to know about.
“It’s okay,” the nurse said, leaving the door half-open. She raised her hands in the air. “We can take our time. There’s absolutely no rush at all.”
“I won’t do it!” I shouted, wincing as my voice echoed around the room. I huddled in on myself until my back hit the wall. I tried to make myself as small as I possibly could, but I still felt like I was a red alert light going off that everyone could see. I was used to being invisible and only being seen when I wanted to be. But now…now I didn’t have a choice. She knew why I was here—knew what had happened to me. There was no escaping it and—
“Chief,” I heard Jenette say from outside my door. Her voice was different now, no longer the calm soothing one it had been with me. There was an edge to it.
“Officer Dellwater,” a gruff voice greeted, and I saw the shadow of his body through the half-open door. My breaths came harder and faster, the nurse was trying to say something to me, but I couldn’t understand what she was saying, not when I was trying to hear what was happening in the hallway. “Is she in there?”