“I never imagined myself being so comfortable in this kind of setting,” I say after a few minutes. “I always thought I was a city girl through and through. But there’s something so damn good about watching clouds float by that aren’t just smog. And the lack of dirt. It’s amazing.”
“The city has a certain appeal, but it has too many people.”
“You don’t like people much, do you?”
“Not much.”
I turn my head to look at him. “Why? Is it because of what you saw when you were in the bratva?”
His lips twist, he turns towards me. It is a shock to look into his eyes this close with only blades of grass between us. “What do you want to know, Cindy?” His voice is quiet, magnetic. I can’t look away from them.
“Did you ever kill anyone?” I whisper.
“Dead people sometimes feature in my nightmares,” he admits quietly.
I feel my stomach lurch. I know so little about him. How could a man who lived in this paradise give it up for the life of a criminal? “Was it worth it, Alex? The excitement?”
He looks away from me and stares up at the blue sky for so long I start to think he’s not going to answer me. Finally, he turns his head towards me again and looks deep into my eyes. “No. It wasn’t worth it. If I had to do it all again I would do it in a totally different way. I was seduced by the idea of power and violence because I was furious with the world for taking my parents away. It was a terrible mistake, but the past cannot be changed, and regrets are useless.”
We stare into each other’s eyes. The air changes, becomes more viscous. I can smell the grass, but I can also smell his cologne. It makes my head swim. The rest of the world falls away. The lake, the lone swan, the blue sky above, the springy grass underneath … there is only me and Alex. My hand lifts on its own accord and gently touches his cheek. His skin feels like raw silk. I see him swallow hard.
“What are you doing, Cindy?” he asks hoarsely.
“I don’t know,” I whisper.
“Are you sure? Every woman I’ve been with I’ve let down.”
“I don’t care, I want you.” My voice sounds different, thick and guttural, and throbbing with strange need.
His head lifts, moves towards me, then suddenly, jerks away. He sits up. “We should go,” he mutters as he springs up.
He goes for the horses, taking them for another drink and then leading them over to me. I’m on my feet by the time he reaches me and I climb onto Nikita’s back wordlessly. I can’t even look at him. I feel as if I’ve been slapped with a cold fish. He mounts Milan and we start back towards the stables.
“Babushka asked last night if I would ask you to have lunch with her today.”
“I’d love to have lunch with her,” I say automatically.
He says nothing and for a while we ride without speaking, until I can bear it no more and blurt out, “Have I offended you?”
“No, of course not,” he frowns. “Why would you think that?”
“Just the way you reacted.”
He stops his horse and I follow suit. He looks at me and his eyes are hard and hostile. The eyes of a stranger. “I didn’t bring you here to fuck you. You’re here to do a job. Don’t let what happened just now change anything. Babushka has the intuition of an animal with many predators. She will detect even the smallest change in you.”
“Don’t worry I won’t be any different around her,” I say tightly.
“Good. Never forget that nothing is more important than the role you have been hired to play. Is that clear?”
“Crystal,” I reply tightly.
Cindy
“Oh no, I couldn’t eat another thing,” I protest, rubbing my stomach and smiling at Babushka as she tries to tempt me with another rich cake.
“Come, come now. Just one bite of this. I promise you won’t regret it.”
“Honestly, Babushka, I’ve already eaten far more than I ever normally would eat at lunch time, and I really think my stomach is on the point of bursting. Especially since I was still full from breakfast.
“All right,” Babushka concedes with a laugh. “I can’t help myself. I’m a feeder. Just ask Alex. Seconds, thirds. He had them at every meal. I have to wonder how he didn’t turn out to be about thirty stone.”
I laugh with her, although I can’t picture Alex as anything other than toned and muscular.
“The old saying is true dear. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But you already have Alex’s heart, I can see that much, so I guess you don’t need to resort to such mundane tactics.”
I feel a strange pang of pain at the thought that I can’t go after Alex’s heart. Not now, not ever. It’s just a professional relationship. Nothing more.