11
BILLIE’S POV
Icould have laid in Grant's arms all night long. Sure, deep down I was acutely aware that we were supposed to be keeping watch of the house, but I wanted to remain curled up in his arms on the kitchen floor for as long as possible.
But it seemed like Grant didn't have the same idea. Much before I was ready for him to do so, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, taking me with him, and handed me my clothes. The hurt must have been plastered across my face.
"Trust me," he said with a soft smile. "You're going to want to be dressed."
"I am?" He didn't answer me, but simply nodded. "Okay, if you say so."
I was confused. It seemed like Grant knew something was happening, even if he wasn't saying so. It was frustrating actually, because I just wanted to know what was happening. I felt like I deserved to know. Especially if it was the Russians...
But then, just as soon as I was covered up, I sensed the same thing as Grant but coming from inside the house. Someone was coming down the stairs. Someone who had probably heard what was going on in the kitchen, which wouldn't have been much of a surprise since I was definitely way too loud. I tried to smoothen my clothing down and look a little normal, just in case it was my son. If Joey overheard...
But it wasn't. Holy shit, it was Cody with his amazing wolf hearing. A heat flushed through my body as I realized what this meant. Grant could tell me that Cody wasn't angry with me all that he wanted, but I could still feel it emanating from Cody anyway. Cody was definitely feeling something, and he wanted to let me know what exactly that was.
"I think I'm just going to go out for another run," Grant said tactfully. Either he was willingly giving me and Cody some much needed space to be alone, or he was being a coward and running out on me when I needed him the most. Either way, there was nothing I could do about it. He was already out the door, mid shift.
"I take it there's nothing to worry about?" Cody demanded in a fiery tone of voice which definitely caught me off guard. If that wasn't jealousy dripping off of his tongue, then I didn't know what it was. What was Grant talking about? Did he lie to me when he said that wolves didn't feel jealous just to make me feel better?
Well, if that was his attempt, then unfortunately, it hadn't worked.
"There hasn't been, no." I shrugged and shifted my feet, all while staring down at the ground. I was way too afraid to properly look at him. "So far so good. No sign of the Russians again tonight, which means we're all safe for now."
Cody said nothing. He crossed the kitchen, heading towards the refrigerator. I could feel those piercing eyes on me the entire time though. It didn't matter what Grant said to me, I hated this sensation. It was as if I'd cheated on him. I knew I felt that way because me and Cody had shared something monogamous before, but it was casual, wasn't it? Just a secret thing. Nothing more. Nothing real.
Cody took his sweet ass time drinking his juice without breaking eye contact the entire time. He wanted a reaction from me, he might as well have been screaming out for one, but I was way too nervous to react as I should. The wrong word could shatter everything and push him away from me forever. I didn't want that.
"So, I think we need to talk," Cody finally declared, defeatedly, shaking off the chip on his shoulder he had entered the kitchen with. "Because I have some questions for you. Questions that I have been putting off asking because I don't know if I want to hear the answer, or if I would even be able to hear it, but I definitely need to know what exactly is going on here, between us."
Uh oh. My blood ran ice cold because I just knew we were finally having the conversation I was way too terrified to bring up. I wished I'd done it myself, then I could have controlled the conversation, but I'd buried my head in the sand too long and left it too late. There was nothing I could do about it now.
"Yeah. Okay." I nodded slowly. "I understand. Ask away."
He was the one who averted his eyes this time around. "I need to know if the reason you left six years ago was because of me? Because I wasn't enough?"
"I... no!" It was never that. Not that he wasn't enough...
"So, you're telling me you didn't leave because our relationship wasn't enough for you?" He threw his hands in the air in frustration. "You're saying it isn't because you didn't need more men than me, huh? Because you seem to want a harem now..."
"Oh!" I was a little taken aback. "And that upsets you?"
My breaths actually ached as I waited for him to answer. It didn't matter how much air I tried to suck back into my ragged lungs, it wasn't enough. I needed to know here and now if Grant had been lying to me, or at the very least mistaken.
"Hey, if you want a harem, then so do I," he surprised me by saying. "I know things were a little different back then, and we didn't exactly communicate our feelings... or at all." We both laughed a little at this remark. It took us out of the horrible tension for just a moment. "But I thought you knew how I felt about you. I thought it was obvious and that I didn't need to say it aloud."
I shook my head silently because I couldn't seem to communicate again. It was so hard to confess to Cody that I honestly had no idea how he felt, which was why I ran away. I didn't want to pressure him into committing to me.
"Well, I adored you." He shrugged as if this should have been completely obvious. "I would have done absolutely anything for you. I would have happily joined a harem with you, if that's what you want. That's in my nature."
"So everyone keeps telling me," I replied wryly. "But no, that wasn't it. I never thought about a harem as a lifestyle until recently. Until all of this happened."
"So, it's what you want now?" he demanded. "Have you thought about it?"
I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but honesty was going to be the only way for us to even think about moving forward. "It's been hard to think about anything else. But I don't know. I mean, is it even worth me thinking about it if it’s something that you guys might not want? I didn't know if you were ready for commitment six years ago, and I don't know if any of you want a commitment with me now. It's hard because I can't really think of something casual now that I have my son. Things are more complicated."
"So, it was because of me you left six years ago?" Cody folded his arms across his chest as he picked up on something I didn't exactly mean to spill out. "I knew it. Back then, I knew it, and I was well aware of it even now. Ever since you first saw me and you looked at me with sheer panic in your eyes, I knew..."
"But not because there was anything bad between us," I promised. "It was just..." I couldn't finish that sentence. I didn't know where I was going with it.
"No, I didn't think it was that." He stepped closer to me and linked his fingers through mine in a gesture that took me straight back in time. "Because everything between us was good, wasn't it? We always had a great time. I've never had anything like what we shared, and I don't think I ever will. It's special. It was always special."
As he cocked his head to one side, emotion balled up inside my chest. It was special, I'd always held onto what we had, but for someone as cock sure as Cody to admit it as well was just... well, mind blowing. I didn't know he had it in him.
"Yes, I have always thought so," I whispered back. "I guess I never knew you felt the same way because we didn't talk about it. I just thought..."
"I wasn't great at opening up and sharing what I was feeling," he admitted. "But I was falling for you. Head over heels. I wanted to tell you every day. I really thought that we could have been something. The day you left was one of the worst days of my whole life. I hated it."
I swallowed hard. This was too much. The way he really seemed to mean it as well... it was insane. "I... I was falling for you as well. I shouldn't have left..."
"Then why did you? Why did you jump the gun and run away before talking to me?"
I felt compelled to slip my hands away from his as I turned my back on him. We were getting dangerously close to the real subject at hand here, but I was way too afraid to go there.
No, I have to try,I thought. This was it; there would be no other chance for me to tell him the truth.
I twisted my hands around a few times as I geared myself up.
"There was... a reason I didn't think it a good idea to talk to you." Oh God, my voice was actually shaking. "Because I thought it might pressure you into a serious relationship before you were ready for it. I know now that you had feelings for me, but at the time, I had absolutely no idea. I just thought... well, I was scared."
"You never put any pressure on me," he insisted as my eyes slid closed. He wasn't getting it at all, was he? I kinda thought he already knew, but clearly not. I was really going to have to spell it all out for him, wasn't I?
"It's actually because of... Joey."
All the air sucked out the room. I didn't open my eyes––I didn't think I had the courage to look at him until he spoke.
"Because you... wanted a child?" Fucking hell, this was getting harder by the minute. "That's something that you could have mentioned to me, you know? I don't know what I would have said, I wasn't exactly the same person I am now, six years ago, but I would have loved to talk to you about it. At least had the option."
"No, you don't understand," I hissed through gritted teeth. "It wasn't because I was desperate to get pregnant or anything. It's because..." I gripped onto the kitchen counter just to keep myself steady. "It's because I was already pregnant."
There, it was out there now. I expected it to feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but that wasn't the case at all. If anything, more stress balled up in my back and spine, hunching my shoulders up around my ears.
"You were pregnant?" he asked me quietly. "And only sleeping with me?"
It was taking a while, but the jigsaw pieces were slowly interlocking with one another. All I could do was wait for everything to finally lock in to place.
"That's right," I agreed. "Which means Joey is..."
He grabbed my shoulders and span me around to face him. "Joey is mine? Joey is my son? Is that what you're telling me right now?"
I knew this was going to be a lot for him to take in, but the mania in his eyes shone through intensely. This was a lot for Cody to digest, obviously. All I could do was wait patiently for him to come to terms with it all.
"Joey is yours," I said with a nod. "Which is why I left six years ago. I was scared to tell you because I thought that we were only a casual fling, at least in your eyes, and I was scared to push you into a relationship. I kinda suspected that you would want to do the right thing, and I didn't want you to feel stuck."
Cody said nothing. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but nothing came out. He backed away from me, his mind seemingly spinning over the last six years. Guilt flooded me as I thought about all he'd missed out on.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, whilst shaking my head. I didn't like what I'd done to him, it was never supposed to be like this. "I thought that I was doing the right thing by allowing you to carry on with your life without knowing. I wasn't thinking straight. I’m so… sorry."
The fact that Cody wasn't even looking at me, never mind coming towards me, was worrying. Perhaps it was really too late, and he was about to back away, to walk out of my life and never look back. In which case, what could I do? I would hate that I'd lost him, but it would be my punishment for doing this to him. This was how I must have made Cody feel back then without even realizing it.
But that wasn’t going to make me feel any better about any of it.
"I know you missed out," I continued because, apparently, I couldn't handle the silence at all. "But if you want to, there is plenty of time left. It can be made up. Joey is only young, and he's still got a lot of firsts to go..."
Cody silenced me, but not in the way that I was expecting at all. He grabbed me and crashed his lips against mine, kissing me with what could only be described as love. Actual love. He seemed to be completely okay with everything, even though it was all absolutely bonkers, he seemed to still have those feelings for me.
"What are you doing?" I gasped as we pulled apart just a little. We didn't go far. He simply rested his forehead on mine and stared lovingly in to my eyes.
"I should have known," he chuckled lightly. "It all makes sense now. And Joey looks a lot like me as well, doesn't he? Plus the dates... I should have picked up on it, but I didn't. I'm a fool." He knotted his hands up in my hair. "And I'm glad as well. Really happy. This is exactly what I want. A family, a child of my own... and one that I already get along with well. I already have a bond with Joey... wait, does he know?" I shook my head. "He doesn't know that I'm his father? Can I tell him?"
"You want to tell him already?" I giggled. "I thought it might take you a little bit longer to get used to it all. This is really surprising for me."
"I want him to know whenever you're ready for me to do so. I can't wait for us to start building up that bond as father and son. This is just perfect." He pressed his lips to my forehead. "I hope you know what this means though, that I can never let you go again. Ever. Whether you want a harem, or just me, whatever... I let you go six years ago, and I had been scared to look for you like I wanted to, to find you and be with you. But I’m not scared now, we are stuck together. I won't let you go. Not now that we have learned to communicate. I want us to be together, properly. To be a family. Billie, I really do love you."
That caused me to snap back, to stare at him in shock. "You really love me?"
"I do." He nodded confidently. "I really do."
"Well..." I traced my finger gently down his cheek, unable to take the smile off my face. "I love you too, Cody. I've never let go of my love for you. I've held onto it, which is why I've been single for six years. No one could ever compare. I might not have admitted it, even to myself, but I think I have always been holding on to the hope that we could all be a family one day." I nodded happily. "Let's tell Joey the truth as soon as he wakes up. I just know he will be really happy about it."
Me and Cody ended up curling up next to one another on the couch, not to sleep, just to talk. There was a lot that we still needed to discuss. Cody wanted to know absolutely everything that me and Joey had been through over the last six years. He wanted to see every single photograph that I'd ever taken of Joey, which was really nice. It was a good sign to me that he really meant what he said.
He wanted to be the father to Joey and I had never given him the chance to be before. And even better than that, he didn't seem to blame me for the distance between the pair of them. Cody was just happy to be involved now.
And that thing he had said about us being a family... that had really captured me. My heart soared. I didn't know how much I'd wanted that. I'd been fine on my own, me and Joey had a good life, but I was missing the feeling of being loved, and I wasn't about to give up the chance to have that when it was right here in front of me, with the man that I had always wanted. He was happy for a harem as well, so maybe all my fantasies and dreams were about to come true after all...
It took us a long time to go through everything. As it turned out, there was a lot to discuss when it came to the last six years. Me and Cody were barely finished as the sun crept up in the sky. The funny thing was I didn't even feel tired at all. I was just excited because the anticipation was building. It was slowly getting closer to the time when Joey would be awake, and we could share the truth with him. I could feel Cody getting excited beside me as well, he was probably more thrilled about this than me. I suppose it was going to be the first time that he officially met his son.
I couldn't wait. I could hardly imagine how he was going to take it, but I felt good. Finally, that weight had lifted off my shoulders. The truth was out in the open; now, we could work towards being a family.