6
Ben
Jenny and I have had sex nearly every day for two weeks and each time is better than the last. I feel like I’ve just learned almost everything about her body, what she likes, what drives her crazy. There’s only one week left at the cabin and it doesn’t feel like nearly enough. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about her.
This might be my last chance with her. Soon she’ll be away at college. She’ll probably meet some young jock who will sweep her off her feet and I’ll be a distant memory. The thought of her being with anyone else digs a knife into my stomach. I try to push the thought away and focus on the time we have together now.
The day is sweltering, the sun beating down. The perfect day to be out on the lake. I’m packing up some things to take on the boat I rented. Jenny and I plan to spend the day swimming in a private cove I found, away from prying eyes. We can finally be alone without fear of interruption. I’m getting tired of sneaking off and only being able to do quickies in a dark corner. That’s not exactly the experiences I want her to have with me. I want to blow her mind, not just blow my load. I want to treat her the way she deserves. But it’s hard to find that time alone with her without anyone becoming suspicious that we always seem to be gone at the same time.
While I’m packing drinks into an ice chest, my phone rings. I see my ex-wife’s name on the caller ID and roll my eyes. She is the mother of my children and I’m kind of stuck with her until all my children are eighteen, so I decide to answer it even though I would much rather ignore it. Nothing good ever comes from conversations with her.
I answer the phone and I can tell right away by her voice that I was right about not answering it.
“I got a text message from Annie, Ben. She says you’re staying in the cabin with the Jones’s. Did you even stop to think how our children would take being cooped up all summer without a place of their own to sleep? They have to share rooms for fuck sake, Ben. If you were responsible at all you would’ve gone online and seen that our cabin was rented out. We have a schedule. Can’t you do anything right? And, also, you still owe me for the maid. It was your turn to pay for the cleaning. Annie should’ve just come with me to Italy. She would’ve had a better time. You’re a shitty father. I guess it’s a good thing that I’ve stuck around because you can’t do anything right.”
She continues to go off on me, but I’ve stopped listening. It’s the same old thing every time anyway. I could probably recite most of it by verbatim in my sleep. She was the same way while we were married. Any time she was unhappy or didn’t get her way, it was always the same thing. I’m the bad guy. It’s all my fault. I’m always the one who is in the wrong, and she just loves to punish me for it any chance she gets.
Jenny shows up on the dock where I’ve just loaded the last of the supplies onto the boat. Seeing her makes my stomach twist with longing. She looks amazing in a white bathing suit that gleams against her tan skin. She has her youthful glow and her perfect body and a smile that would knock any man over. I realize then that my ex-wife is right about one thing. That bitch is always going to be around. We have kids together and there’s no escaping that. She’s always trying to bring me down, hurt me, ruin me. That will never change. She’s right about another thing too. Annie has been miserable lately. She doesn’t smile nearly as much as she used to. I shouldn’t have dragged her to the lake on vacation when she wanted to go to Italy with her mom. I’ve made things worse.
If I continue on with Jenny, it’s just going to bring Jenny down too. And if my ex ever found out what I’m doing with her, all hell will break loose. She’ll ruin me, and possibly Jenny as well. She’ll end up as collateral damage. I can’t let that happen.
“Are you ready?” Jenny says, looking excited. It’s going to break my heart to push her away. And hers. I know she’s falling for me just as hard as I’m falling for her. There’s no denying that I’m falling in love. Which makes me want to protect her that much more.
“There’s not going to be a boat trip today,” I say resigned.
“But why?”
“Just … stay away from me, okay?” I say, putting as much venom in my voice as I can. It’s so hard because I never would want to do anything to intentionally hurt her. But I have to. It’s either I hurt her or my ex does. And if my ex does it, it won’t just hurt. It will ruin and devastate. At least if I hurt her, she can get over it. She’ll find someone age-appropriate and move on.
God, that pains me to think about. I hate even getting near the idea of her being with someone else.
Tears sparkle in her eyes and the sight of it just kills me.
She storms off and the ache in my gut from hurting her has me bent over and wanting to scream in frustration. I want to chase after her and tell her I’m sorry and that I would never want to hurt her, but I can’t do that. This is what’s best for her and all I want is for her to be happy. She’ll get over me and she’ll go off to college and be happy then. I tell myself this will pass. But it doesn’t feel like it.