“Do you think it’s true?”
He takes my hand, and the world stands still. “I do,” he says, so quiet, so grave, so very Colin, so very perfect. “Love never dies. It’s not stopped by time, or distance, or by any natural force of man. It lives and breathes, even if it scares us, even when we’re afraid to put words to just how much we love someone.”
My breath catches. “Have you ever known that kind of love?”
“I have.” His free fingers brush my cheek. “I do. Today. Now. Here.”
I can’t lie to myself or blame my allergies this time when my eyes get hot and my throat clogs. “Colin.”
“My sweet Savannah, why do you think I flew halfway across the world at a moment’s notice to find you?”
“Because you didn’t want to bother finding another nanny?”
He shakes his head, somber and serious. “I fear I’ve fallen into the trap of being one more man not to realize what he had until she was gone.”
“No, Colin,” I say, fanning my eyes as I will the tears to dry up fast. “We can’t do this now. We have to wait.”
“I don’t want to wait, not one more bloody minute. You’ve snuck into my heart, Savannah Sunderwell, and into my soul. I don’t know who I am without you anymore, and I don’t want to find out.” He pulls in a bracing breath and tightens his grip on my hand. “I love you, Savannah. You’re my joy. My light. And I—”
“Colin, I can’t have children.” I don’t mean to blurt it out that way, but I can’t stop myself. I can’t let him say one more word before he knows. He has to know. He has to have all the information and let it change his mind if that’s what’s right for him. Even if the thought of him changing his mind feels like it might kill me.
I stare at the green grass poking through the earth amidst the gravestones, going on about its grassy business as if the only thing that actually matters is that the sun comes up every morning after regular rain.
“If we were together,” I continue. “I couldn’t help you grow your family the way I know you want to.”
“Savannah—”
“I’m broken,” I whisper. “And there’s nothing the doctors can do to fix it. I already had all the scans and tests and everything.”
“Sweetheart. My darling girl.” He takes my chin and lifts my face, forcing me to look at him. “You aren’t broken. You are so far from broken, and if you think something like that might change my feelings for you, I’m afraid I haven’t let you get to know me at all. I’ve flown across an ocean to tell you that I love you, Savannah. I forgot to pack socks. I nearly left my wallet on the airplane. I don’t need you to bear my children. All I need, all I want, is you. Just you, the most wonderful, kind, frustrating, funny, caring, best woman I’ve ever known.”
I press my lips together, my throat working as his words take root in my heart, filling me with the same peace, the same sense of rightness, the same joy I feel when I watch my sister laughing with her husband and toddler. When I chase kites through the park with Bea on a sunny day. When I have long talks with Olivia about trusting in the universe and knowing that goodness is out there and everything I really need is right here inside me.
But this peace and joy are bigger.
They’re deeper.
They’re love.
“You really love me?” I whisper. “Even with all my faults?”
“You wouldn’t be you without them. And being unable to bear children is not a fault.” He leans in as though he wants to kiss me but hesitates. “What about you? I know I can be a lot. And not always in a good way. I can be a grumpy know-it-all. And bossy. And controlling when it comes to sugar around the house.”
“You can,” I agree, a sound that’s half laugh and half sob bursting from my lips. “But you’re also kind and generous and devoted to your daughter. And I have so much fun with you, whether we’re watching a movie or taking a walk through the park or chasing Beatrice into the waves.”
“I’d like to take you to Spain again,” he murmurs. “Just the two of us this time. Assuming…”
That’s when I realize that I haven’t said the words back.
They’re clogged in my throat. I know they’re right, but I’m still scared. I’ve never put my heart on the line like this before, not even with Steve. This is the kind of love I’ve always wanted, but it’s also the biggest risk I’ve ever taken. Happily ever after with Colin would be a beautiful dream come true. Trying-and-failing with Colin, however…