“Of course,” he says as he sets the bottle down and takes my glass into the kitchen. I have to tell him what’s going on with me. Not only does he have the right to know, but sooner or later he’s going to question why I’m not enjoying our usual glass of wine with dinner. When Nate comes back outside, he sets my wine glass down and goes back into the house. The sight of the water with ice cubes makes me laugh for some reason.
When Nate returns, he places my plate in front of me. Roasted potatoes, blackened chicken, and grilled corn on the cob. My stomach grumbles loudly, and I place my hand over it to quiet the noise. Nate laughs.
“Let me guess; you skipped lunch.”
I nod. “I did, but I hadn’t realized how hungry I am until now. This looks delicious. I’m going to miss these dinners when you go back to work.”
Nate groans. “Don’t remind me.”
“Do you think about retiring?”
He nods. “Every day, but something holds me back. I’m actually scared to go back.”
“I saw Tucker today,” I tell him. “We sat and talked for a bit. He’s excited to have you back on base, but I think he shares the same sentiment as the rest of us.”
“Someone is out to get me, or us, rather?”
I nod and bite into the chicken. It’s mouthwatering with the perfect amount of spice. “This is really good.”
“Thanks. Ryley gave me the recipe.”
“Did you see Evan today?”
It’s his turn to nod. He covers his mouth while he finishes chewing. “We’re going to close the DC office. When we clean out your apartment there, I’ll get the stuff from the office and bring it back. It doesn’t make sense to keep it open, especially since we only had it because you were there. There are a couple of vacant spots in the strip malls around town. We’re going to look into leasing from there.”
“I wonder if we shouldn’t go now and take care of the apartments.”
“Probably not a bad idea, but we need at least four days to drive across the country,” he says.
“Maybe we go, pack everything up, and then hire movers?”
Nate thinks about this for a moment and then nods. “Probably for the best. I don’t imagine they’ll send me out, but who knows.”
“Tucker thinks they’ll keep you close to base. They want to know what you know.”
“And vice versa,” Nate adds.
We eat in silence for a minute, enjoying the sound of the waves crashing into the shore. Nate clears his throat and says, “There’s something I’d like to ask you.”
“Me, first,” I interrupt him. “I have something to tell you.” I shake my head slightly and inhale. “I’m pregnant.”
I imagine my sentence transmitting through the air as if on a communication line, and I’m waiting for the news to reach Nate. It seems like it’s forever until everything registers with him.
His face goes from blank to elated within seconds, and before I can take my next breath, he has me out of my chair and in his arms. I’m stiff as a board while he hugs me. He wants this—a baby—with me. When he releases me, I stand there for a moment and then slowly sink back into my chair.
“Cara,” he says my name quietly, concern replacing the elation in his expression.
I look at him with unshed tears and shake my head. “I’m sorry, Nate.” With those words, he drops to his knees in front of me. “I know I should be happy, but I’m not. I’ve never seen myself as a mother, let alone in a serious relationship. Being with you, it’s been amazing. We have an easy relationship. It’s effortless, really. And this . . . it complicates everything for me. I love my job. I love doing what I do, but it’s not easy, and the things I know about this world? I don’t know if I can bring a child into it. And I love you, and I know you want to be a father, especially . . .” I trail off because he doesn’t need a reminder about EJ.
I turn away from him and cover my face with my hands so he can’t see me cry and so I can’t look at the hurt I’m causing him. I expect him to move back to his seat, but he doesn’t. He moves closer, making sure I can feel his presence.
“Did you find out yesterday?”
I nod.
“I figured something was up when I found you sitting in your car, but I didn’t want to pressure you. I knew you’d tell me whatever was bothering you when you were ready.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Hey,” he says as he stands. He leans into me and whispers. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Not a damn thing. Since we’ve been back together, we haven’t talked about our future or whether we want kids. I love you, Cara. I love everything about you, and if this isn’t right for you, so be it. I’m not going anywhere. I want you to take all the time you need. You need to figure out what’s best for you and only you. If I have learned anything over the past year or so, it’s that life is too short not to be happy. I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy.”