“You’re wrong about that. I had to compromise a lot when I was a kid, like going back to the city instead of living out here full time, letting my mom go, and following orders in the army.”
The air hung heavy between us as I thought of our conversation from earlier.
“But I don’t have to make them now unless I want to. I’m self-sufficient, and I have a hell of a lot of money in the bank.”
“And a family that will support you no matter what you do?”
“I mean, if I became Albertine Parish’s newest deputy, they’d probably have something to say about it.”
Eric smiled. “I imagine they would. And if I remain in my position?”
“Things will be awkward.”
“So that’s it. I have to quit to be with you?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Eric took a deep breath, and I watched his chest rise and fall. “How would it work if I was still in law enforcement?”
“I don’t know, but I’m not letting you go. We’ll have to figure something out.”
“I can’t leave you, and I sure as hell can’t arrest you.”
“Yeah.”
I took his hand and led him into the room my aunt referred to as the back parlor. It faced what had been a vegetable garden in Etienne’s time, and before that, there had been a gazebo and flowers growing. I turned on the electric candles I’d placed in the fireplace, which I wasn’t going to need for warmth.
“I wouldn’t have expected you to like candles,” Eric said.
“There’s supposed to be a fire there. I needed something to take its place.”
“And you’re not renovating it so you can split wood and let me watch?”
“If you want to watch me chop wood, we can arrange that, but it won’t be for this fireplace. I’m not ruining all I’ve done in here with soot.”
I laughed. “You like nicer things than you want to admit.”
“Yeah, and if I were ever going to sell the place…”
“Sell it?” Eric sounded horrified.
“I don’t need a place this big just for me.”
“You also don’t need the money.”
“No, but it shouldn’t just stand empty. I guess I could give it to someone.”
“You don’t want to do that.”
“Not unless it was Dax.”
Eric held my gaze, and I fought the urge to look away, or worse, to get up and run for my cabin where I was safe. There was too much space here and too much feeling.
“What is it you’re not saying?”
My heart felt like it would beat out of my chest, and sweat ran down my back despite the cool air in the house. I didn’t think I could actually say the words because once I had, I couldn’t take them back, and if Eric said a definite no, then where would that leave us? What was I doing thinking I could handle this?
“Ambrose?” Eric cupped my face, and I blinked, realizing I hadn’t been seeing him anymore. Instead, I’d seen myself alone in the cabin like Etienne.
“You… you could…”
He brushed his thumbs over my cheekbones. “It’s okay. You can say anything to me. What could I do?”
“You could live here with me.”
His eyes went huge, and my stomach knotted. I was afraid I was going to puke. I started to pull away from him.
22
Eric
Ambrose wanted to run. I could sense it. He was scared I’d say no, and I couldn’t make my stupid mouth work. I gripped his shoulders. “Please stay.”
“Okay.”
He sat back down, and I took his hands in mine. “You would actually consider me living here with you?”
I nodded. “It would be…”
“You don’t have to answer now. You can wait until everything is done with Carlotti and see, but—”
“I don’t need to do that.”
“You couldn’t live here and still work in Albertine Parish.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know what to do or how to make this work, but I know how I feel about you. I also know that I got into police work to help people. I’ve managed to do that at times, but it’s like I’m fighting against the system to be able to do the work I really want to do. I thought that would be different if I came here.”
“It’s not?”
“Well, it took a damn long time to get anyone to trust me enough to let me help them. I’ve definitely done some good for the parish, but then there’s the drug runners and plenty of other things going on that I can’t fight, not without help, and that help doesn’t seem to come from law enforcement or from the people who would benefit most from us driving that crime out.”
“My family helps plenty of people.”
Did he want me to work for them? “They also kill their fair share.”
“True, but the ones we kill aren’t the ones you’d want to help.”
I closed my eyes for a moment and thought. I’d worked damn hard to become a detective, and I’d been damn good at my job. Too good. I saw more than I was supposed to. The corruption shouldn’t have surprised me. It was just that when I worked day-to-day with those people, when I knew their wives and their children, when I knew how much good they could do, it shocked me to realize how far into the dark they had sunk. But if I left law enforcement and started working with or living off the Theriots, how could I think I was any better? They did very dark things, things I’m sure Ambrose would never tell me about, but he was right that they also did good, and I loved him.