The floor seemed to tilt beneath her feet. ‘Yes. But I don’t—’
‘But you don’t what?’ He gave a short, bitter laugh. ‘You don’t want that for your own child?’
She blinked. Tears were pricking at her eyes. But she wasn’t going to lose control—at least not here and now, in front of Ram.
‘You’re right,’ she said shakily. ‘I don’t want that. And I never will.’
And before he had a chance to reply she turned and walked swiftly out of the kitchen.
She walked blindly, her legs moving automatically in time to the thumping of her heart, wanting nothing more than to find somewhere to hide, somewhere dark and private, away from Ram’s cold, cr
itical gaze. Somewhere she could curl up and cradle the cold ache of misery inside her.
Her feet stopped. Somehow she had managed to find the perfect place—a window looking out into the canopy of the rainforest. There was even a sofa and, her legs trembling, she sat down, her throat burning, hands clenched in her lap.
For a moment she just gazed miserably into the trees, and then abruptly her whole body stilled as she noticed a pair of eyes gazing back at her. Slowly, she inched forward—and just like that they were gone.
‘It was a goanna. If you sit here long enough it will probably come back.’
She turned as Ram sat down next to her on the sofa.
She stared at him warily, shocked not only by the fact that he had come to find her but by the fact that his anger, the hardness in his eyes, had faded.
‘Did I scare it?’
Ram held her gaze. ‘They’re just cautious—they run away when something or someone gets too close.’
Watching her lip tremble, he felt his heart start to pound. She looked so stricken...so small.
His breath caught in his throat. In his experience women exploited emotion with the skill and precision of a samurai wielding a sword. But Nola was different. She hadn’t wanted him to see that she was upset. On the contrary, she had been as desperate to get away as that lizard.
Desperate to get away from him.
An ache was spreading inside his chest and he gritted his teeth, not liking the way it made him feel, for he would never hurt her. In fact he had wanted more than anything to reach out and pull her against him. But of course he hadn’t. Instead he’d watched her leave.
Only almost immediately, and for the first time in his life, he’d been compelled to follow. He’d had no choice—his legs had been beyond his conscious control.
He stared at her in silence, all at once seeing not only the tight set of her shoulders and the glint of tears but also what he’d chosen to ignore earlier: her vulnerability.
Shifting back slightly, to give her more space, he cleared his throat.
‘There’s always something to see,’ he said carefully. ‘We could stay and watch if you want?’
He phrased it as a question—something he would never normally do. But right now getting her to relax, to trust him, seemed more important than laying down the law.
She didn’t reply, and he felt an unfamiliar twitch of panic that maybe she never would.
But finally she nodded. ‘I’d like that. Apart from the odd squirrel, I’ve never seen anything wild up close.’
‘Too busy studying?’
It was a guess, but she nodded again.
‘I did work too hard,’ she agreed. ‘I think it was a survival technique.’
Staring past him, Nola bit her lip. She’d spoken without thinking, the words coming from deep inside. Memories came of hours spent hunched over her schoolbooks, trying to block out the raised voices downstairs, and then—worse—the horrible, bleak silence that had always followed.
Ram stared at her uncertainly, hating the bruised sound of her voice. This was the sort of conversation he’d spent a lifetime avoiding. Only this time he didn’t want to avoid it. In fact he was actually scared of spooking her, and suddenly he was desperate to say something—anything to make her trust him enough to keep talking.