Joely genuinely looks puzzled.
“Don’t a lot of billionaire businessmen like you do drugs? I mean, buying this stuff is cheap for you, right?”
I shake my head, utterly disgusted now.
“I don’t think the price is something that most guys in my shoes consider, but just so you know, it’s not my thing and I don’t associate with people who are addicted. Even more, I can’t believe you would bring your stash to this type of establishment.”
Joely rolls her eyes, the corners of her mouth turning down.
“Oh please, I saw a girl doing a line the first time I went in there.”
“So you joined her?”
“Yep,” Joely says cheerfully. “But her stash isn’t as good as mine!” Clearly, something’s wrong because why would any woman admit outright that she’s using coke? It’s weird, right? Something’s off and I can’t put my finger on it. But the more I stare at Joely, the more she squirms. Her eyes dart all over the place, but never look directly into mine. I’ve seen this type of behavior before, and I’m not talking about addicts.
“You’re lying to me,” I state in a flat voice.
She pretends to look astonished.
“No, I’m not lying! I really do have a drug problem. It’s very bad. I swear, I’m so addicted you wouldn’t even believe.”
Okay, this is just getting more and more bizarre and I feel like I’m in a circus fun house, staring into mirrors that distort reality. I fix her with a look.
“What’s really going on here? Why do you keep going to the bathroom? You’ve been at least five times in the last hour or so. Is it lady problems?”
Her eyes grow wide.
“No. It’s the drugs, really.”
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes.
“Have you been secretly texting an ex? Are you planning your next date? Honestly, I don’t care so you can tell me.”
Joely’s face goes red and she looks like she’s a kettle about to go off, but finally she nods curtly.
“Fine!” she grits through her teeth. “The truth is that I have crabs, okay? It’s super itchy and I don’t want to embarrass you by scratching my crotch here in the middle of the restaurant.”
I blink at her a few times. That is not what I was expecting her to say.
“It’s bad, okay?” she wails. “I’m going to the bathroom because it itches like crazy and I need to scratch myself because it burns! I wish I was going to do drugs or whatever because it would be so much less embarrassing than the truth.”
This time, I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. This is worse than what I anticipated. In fact, it’s so bad as to almost be comical.
“Crabs, huh?”
Joely snorts. “Unfortunately, yes. Ooh oh, it burns! I’ll be right back!”
Then she jumps up once again to rush off to the bathroom. This time, I have half a mind to leave before she gets back, but I’m not that rude. Why didn’t she just cancel the date though? It seems so lame to be going through this. But who knows what’s going through my date’s mind, and when Joely gets back, she sighs and mops at her forehead with a napkin.
“I’m so glad to have this out in the open, Cameron, because it’s a huge weight off my shoulders! It’s been torturing me all night, and I’m glad to finally share it with you.”
She takes another bite of the pasta like nothing’s wrong and I stare. My steak is long finished, since I didn’t have to excuse myself to scratch my privates. Unbidden, my eyes follow Joely’s hands. I hope she washed them properly after her last visit to the restroom because you never know.
“Joely—” I begin.
“Yes, Cameron?” she asks, slurping up another noodle.
“This isn’t going to work. This date, I mean. And us. I don’t want to beat around the bush with you, so I just want you to know that there’s no hope.”
Joely’s jaw drops. “Are you being serious right now?”
“Yes. Why did you even come out tonight? I mean, you have a problem and you should have gone to the doctor. Do you realize how odd that is, not to mention disgusting?”
She huffs with annoyance.
“Oh, come on, crabs are treatable. It’s not a death sentence or anything.”
I stare at her.
“I’m not saying it is, but why didn’t you just stay home? We could have rescheduled.”
She lets out a long sigh then before putting her fork down.
“Please, Cameron,” she says. “Try to understand. I’ve been wanting to go out with you for so long because you’re the hottest bachelor in Prescott. Hell, there aren’t even that many eligible men in Prescott, so it’s tough for a woman like me.”
I stare at her.
“Yeah, but you have a virulent case of crabs. Shouldn’t that have factored into your decision?”
She shrugs.
“Not really. It’s not life threatening and we’ll work through it. Just wait a couple days, and things will be fine.”