I don’t want to know, not yet.
In that moment, Nick wanted Jackson to fuck him more than he wanted anything, and this might be his only chance to have that. If he confessed to possibly-maybe-probably having feelings for Jackson and Jackson didn’t feel the same, there was no way he’d get fucked tonight. Only a total wanker would use their best friend like that, and Jackson would never do that to Nick. Therefore, according to Nick’s hormone-fuelled reasoning, it was better to put that conversation on hold.
“Yes,” Nick said. “I’m sure.” He took Jackson’s hands and led him to the bed.
They undressed between kisses, hands exploring bare skin. The air of the room was cool so they got under the covers, cocooned in warmth as they pressed their bodies together. Lying on his side facing Jackson, Nick could feel the hardness of Jackson’s dick. He wrapped a hand around it and stroked. “I can’t wait to feel this inside me.”
“I can’t wait to put it inside you.” Jackson’s voice was low and intimate and his sexy smile made Nick’s toes curl with anticipation. “Where’s that lube, baby? Gonna let me get you ready?”
The sound of the endearment sent wild hope fizzing through Nick’s veins like champagne. There was nobody else here to overhear them and nothing to prove, so that was all for Nick. Even if it slipped out without Jackson noticing, it must mean something.
“Yeah. I put it in the drawer by the bed. Let me get it.” He twisted away to open the drawer. “I got condoms too. I know we don’t really need them, but it’ll be less messy if we use one.”
Jackson chuckled. “Good thinking. Easy clean-up is always good in someone else’s house.” He took the lube from Nick’s hand and pushed him gently onto his back. “Allow me.” Jackson moved between Nick’s legs, pushing the covers down as he knelt over him. He looked huge from this angle, his powerful shoulders wide and strong, cock jutting out. “Are you warm enough?”
The air was chilly, but it felt good on Nick’s skin, tightening his nipples and making his skin more sensitive. “Yeah. I’m fine.” He spread his legs a little wider and reached for his dick, teasing it with a gentle grip as he watched Jackson fumble with the seal on the lube.
He turned the bottle around, picking at it with increasing frustration. “For fuck’s sake!” he exclaimed. “How am I supposed to get into the bloody thing?”
“Shhh!” Nick cautioned, chuckling. “We need to be quiet, remember? Give it to me… there you go.”
Jackson squeezed a generous blob of lube onto his fingertips and rubbed it over Nick’s hole. “Jesus! That’s cold!”
“Now who’s being too noisy?” Jackson grinned wickedly and then pushed his fingers inside, making Nick gasp with the sudden stretch.
“Fuck!”
“Okay?”
“Yeah. You just took me by surprise.” Nick stroked his dick, the pleasurable sensation helping to ease the tight pressure.
“Really? What did you think was about to happen?” Jackson teased.
Nick’s body was adjusting, the initial discomfort melting away as Jackson moved his fingers gently in and out. Arousal built fast, curling through him and flushing his skin. “A little warning is nice.”
“Sorry.” Jackson pushed them a little deeper, curling them just right as he carried on thrusting. His dark eyes were fixed on Nick, watching every reaction.
Nick drew in a shaky breath, hand tightening on his cock. “Oh God. Yeah. That’s good.” The sensation of urgency that preceded orgasm was already growing. “Just keep it nice and slow.”
“Is it too much?”
“No.” Nick grinned, breathless. “Well… not in the way you mean. It’s too fucking good.”
“Do you want my cock instead?” His voice was deep and husky and his gaze so intense Nick couldn’t look away.
“Yes.”
The wait was almost unbearable as Jackson rolled on a condom. Aching, desperate to be filled again, Nick stroked himself while he watched. His heart was beating so hard he could feel it everywhere in his body, a pulsing drumbeat of anticipation.
“You wanna stay on your back?” Jackson asked.
Nick’s mind briefly flashed through a range of possibilities, like porn on fast forward, and settled back to where they were now. “Yeah.” He reached for Jackson, guiding him down. If they were only going to do this once, then like this was perfect. This way he could see Jackson’s face and watch every shifting expression as they fucked. He could hold him in his arms and kiss him.
He could imagine what it might be like to love Jackson and be loved back.
On second thoughts doing it in this position was terrifying. It would mean pure, raw vulnerability with no place for Nick to hide the confusing mess of feelings that were swirling inside him. But as Jackson eased his cock inside it was already too late. Nick clung to Jackson and moaned, swept away on a rising tide of desire as their bodies began to move together in a dance of intimacy as old as time itself.