“I hope so. But, Nick, for what it’s worth, I think you guys would make a fantastic couple. I always wondered why you weren’t together.”
“I never thought of him like that before now,” Nick admitted. “He was just… Jackson. My friend. The person who picked me up off the floor when someone else dumped me, or cheated on me, or otherwise made me feel like shite. I never thought he wanted more than friendship either. Do you really think he does?”
She laughed. “Nick. If you’re buying lube, I think that’s a pretty clear indication that both of you are interested in more than friendship.”
“But how much more?” Nick’s head was whirling with possibilities, shiny and exciting but terrifying too. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to grab them and hang on to them, or turn and flee in the opposite direction.
“You’d have to ask Jackson that.”
“Yes. I guess I would.”
He’d also need to do some soul-searching of his own.
Maria’s words stayed with Nick, echoing through his thoughts for the rest of the day in a warning to be cautious, but also stirring up a vague, unformed sense of possibility. Might Jackson really want to be in an actual honest-to-God relationship with Nick? And if that was on offer, did Nick want that too?
On the sofa after dinner, Jackson put his arm casually around Nick’s shoulders and Nick leant into his warmth and solidity. He let his mind drift, trying to imagine what their life would look like if they were in a relationship. What would it be like cohabiting as a couple, rather than as friends? What would it be like sleeping with Jackson every night and waking up together? What would it be like to be with someone he trusted, someone who loved him unconditionally, someone he knew back-to-front and inside out and who he felt utterly safe and comfortable with?
Do I want that?
His heart leapt at the thought, swelling with the joyful rightness of it. But Nick tried to squash that emotion down. He didn’t dare let himself want too much in case Jackson didn’t feel the same. Maybe. That was as much as he was prepared to admit.
As bedtime approached, anticipation rose, making Nick’s belly flutter and his heart skip faster. Were they going to go through with this? Would Jackson still want to? Should Nick let it happen if he did?
Finally, unable to bear the waiting, he faked a huge yawn.
“I’m going to have to go to bed. I’m shattered.”
“What time are you leaving tomorrow?” his mum asked.
“We hadn’t really thought yet.” He looked at Jackson questioningly and got a shrug in return. “We don’t want to get back too late, and I’d rather drive in daylight, so late morning maybe? Or after lunch if you’re okay to feed us before we leave.”
“Yes, stay for lunch,” his dad said. “It won’t be anything fancy tomorrow, mostly leftovers probably. But don’t rush off early unless you need to.”
“Okay, thanks.” Nick smiled. “Right. It’s bedtime for me anyway. Are you coming, babe?” He patted Jackson’s thigh.
“Yeah. I’m tired too.”
Nick didn’t believe Jackson was either. On the way upstairs he wondered again whether he should try to talk to Jackson before they waded in any deeper.
Once the bedroom door was closed behind them, Nick turned to face him, heart beating double time. He hesitated, wanting to check in with Jackson and ask how he was feeling, but before he could get any words out Jackson pulled him close and kissed him soundly.
“God. I’ve been wanting to do that all day.”
His smile was so warm and sweet that Nick had to kiss him again.
Fuck talking.
Kissing was so much easier. Body language was pure and uncomplicated in comparison to words. As they held each other close their bodies communicated in unspoken ways that left no room for misunderstanding. Nick might not know what Jackson wanted, or what he himself wanted to happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month. But it was blindingly obvious what both of them wanted in that moment. Desire swept through him in a raging torrent, washing away all his doubts and uncertainties, and Nick stopped fighting and gave himself up to it, letting it carry him inexorably along.
When they finally drew apart again, breathless and smiling, Jackson asked, “Did you manage to get some lube earlier? I never got a chance to ask you.” He raised his eyebrows, a hopeful grin on his face. “Please say you did!”
Nick’s heart started beating double time. “Yeah. I did.”
Jackson seemed to pick up on his anxiety. His expression became serious and he held Nick’s gaze as he said quietly, “Are you sure you want to do this? We don’t have to if you’ve changed your mind.”
This was Nick’s last chance to put the brakes on, to question what they were doing and to find out what Jackson was thinking before he let this happen.