My feet are noisy as I walk, I can hear them clapping against the hard, cold tiles. I wish I could stop walking and take a seat because I’m making everyone else nervous, but I can’t. My body is out of control. Every time the door swings, I jump like a frightened rabbit caught in head lights, waiting for an answer…
“Oh my God.” Only this time it’s her. My eyes fall on Tamara and I get lost in the idea that she actually looks a little happier. There’s a light in her eyes again. I don’t want to imagine it but I’m sure it’s there. “Tamara.”
“I don’t want to get everyone all worked up…” She claps her hands together excitedly. This smile looks genuine, and that’s something I haven’t seen for a while. “But the hypnotherapy worked.”
“It… worked…” My eyes narrow in. “What do you mean? You remember everything, you…?”
Katherine wraps her hand around my arm, stopping me before I can get too carried away which I’m grateful for. I can already feel the words tripping off my tongue at a million miles an hour. I’m going to freak her out.
“I can’t remember it all, but there are bits and pieces coming back.” She stares right at me. “I can remember the train. The coffee, the accident, the spilling, I can recall little bits and pieces of it.”
An explosion of happiness bursts free, like a selection of fireworks darting and dancing everywhere. This is the absolute best outcome that I could have ever dared hope for. I wouldn’t hope for it because I was far too scared but it’s here, it’s happening, and it seems really real. Finally, Tamara remembers me properly.
“You do?” I gush while racing forwards. There’s no holding me back now. I scoop her up into my arms and swing her around. Her legs whizz through the air as she flies. “I can’t believe it, you remember us.”
“I’m so sorry for yelling,” she cried out while her head tilts back in laughter. “My first impressions suck.”
Oh my God, she really does remember. This is wonderful. “I don’t care about that, I’m still here, aren’t I? Obviously, it doesn’t matter. I like you through the terrible first impression.”
She smiles at me and for a moment I think she might lean down to kiss me. I half expect to feel that incredible sensation of her lips against mine once more. But before that can happen, Katherine grabs her for a hug.
“Oh God, it’s so good to hear that, Tamara, I’ve been so worried about you.”
As they embrace I force myself to take a step back. They look so happy which is wonderful. It’s been a few weeks of sinking misery so I cannot wait to get out of it. This really does feel like the first step.
“Well, like I said, I do have a lot of work to do, this isn’t the end, but it worked. I cannot believe that it worked, can you?” Tamara chuckles. “I was starting to think that nothing ever would.”
We share a look, one that’s filled with intense emotions. I can almost feel that buzzing between us again. I know that it’ll take a while to get there, I’m not expecting to jump right back in, but now there’s a slither of hope and that’s all I need. A tiny little bit to help me out. I get that burning sensation in my chest, it takes all that I have to keep my hands to myself, but I just about do it. For Tamara.
“Well, I think that’s worth a celebration, don’t you?” I look around at everyone. “Should we go out for dinner? The four of us? Can we handle that? We’re in a much better place now, aren’t we all?”
Katherine and Al look guiltily at one another, but they nod in unison. “Yes, we can do it.”
Tamara’s smile grows even wider. “Thank you, all of you, and of course, dinner is on me. You’ve all been through so much with me and I want to show my appreciation. Just not too much booze, yeah?”
“And no wine either,” I joke and pat my hair. “No more bumps to the head.”
“Wine?” Tamara’s confused face stuns me to the core. “What do you mean, wine?”
“I… erm, I mean, I… I didn’t mean, I wasn’t trying to… you know, wine because of…”
“Oh goodness me, you fool!” She laughs loudly. “If we can’t joke about it then what can we do? Just be prepared for a lot more memory jokes now, but it’s better than being miserable, am I right?”
We all laugh with relief, glad to have some of the old Tamara back. This is amazing. I couldn’t be happier if we tried. All the plans for the future we once had are possible again.
“Well, I don’t think that went too badly in the end, do you?” Tamara rests her head against my shoulder as the cab drives us back to her place where I intend to drop her off alone. I’m determined to take things slow. “Katherine and Alistair got on really well. Well, not really well but better than before. Not that it’s hard.”
I smile to myself, knowing that they only acted that way for her sake. They’re so happy that Tamara is okay again that they actually got along. Even with booze in their system which is amazing.
“I don’t know how they’ll cope in the cab together though without us as a buffer…”
Maybe it was dumb of me to suggest that we come back alone. I just wanted a little bit of alone time with Tamara so I can work out where her head is at. She’s been all touchy feely all night long, acting as if the last few weeks haven’t happened, but I won’t forget. Once the high goes this could all turn around again and I need to be prepared for that. I want to be around for her no matter what her mood.
“They’ll have to get used to being alone. Especially when we go on our trip…” She tilts her head up to me when I don’t immediately answer. “You still do want to go on the trip, don’t you?”
“I… I don’t want to do anything until you’re ready for it. You still have your hypnosis to complete.”
“I know, but that doesn’t mean we can’t plan, does it? I miss taking about our escape.”