I felt like I was living in two pairs of shoes. The one that I was wearing currently was that of a professional young woman on the cusp of finding her passion. The one that I was afraid of falling into was those 4-inch pumps that accentuated my legs and made me feel ready to give him more than lip service.
“I thought that you needed this.” I actually enjoyed touching him.
My nipples were rubbing up against him. I wanted to give them the attention that they deserved, but I that would only be sending up the smoke signals from between my thighs.
“We have done more than enough. Amanda. Let’s treat ourselves to an Italian dinner on me. I can always claim it as a business supper. We can always come back and pick up where we left off.” His hands were touching mine and I didn’t know what to do. I played it off, going to get my coat and then opening up the door in a reversal of the gentleman role.
“I’m famished and I took the liberty of calling ahead to have our order placed. It should be ready by the time that we arrive. As you know, it is in walking distance and they have a table set up for us in the back.” He followed from behind and my attention to detail wasn’t necessarily limited to what was on my drawings.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” There was nothing that I could say to that.
There was a chill in the air and I pulled my coat closer to my chest. He walked at a good clip, this time opening the door to the restaurant for me and then guiding me to the table in the back. We barely sat down when he ordered a bottle of champagne and had it chilled in a bucket.
“I thought that we decided that we weren’t going to have anything to drink.” I didn’t want a repeat performance of last night, although I really couldn’t get the feel of his hands off of my mind.
“I don’t see any harm in a little bit of the bubbly.” He popped the cork with a flourish, and then poured me half a glass with the foam reaching the top.
“I don’t mind, but I really don’t think that you want to go down that road again. I’m not your mother. I’m not going to tell you what to do. It’s your life.” I took a sip, feeling that it was tickling my nose and then I set it back down to watch for his reaction. I saw the hesitation in his eyes and he overcame that by downing that one glass in one swallow.
“I have heard that some people think that I have a problem, but I only drink during soci
al occasions. It’s not like I have a trash bag full of empty bottles back home. I don’t mean to raise my voice, but I’m getting a little sick and tired of people trying to police my life.” I could understand where he was coming from and maybe we could build on those things that we had in common.
I had no interest in getting into a relationship. It was a dangerous play and one that was ripe with the kind of sexual tension that you could cut with a knife. He was not fooling me. There was that evil twinkle in his eye. It didn’t hurt that he proved my point by moving his sock covered foot up along my leg. It would have had more impact had I been wearing a skirt.
“I don’t think that it’s right for us to consider something more than a professional working relationship. It might be fun for a moment, but then things are ultimately going to turn awkward in the workplace. I enjoy working with you and I don’t want to do anything to upset that delicate balance.” I was letting him down gently. I was close to screaming and grabbing him by the collar, but I refrained myself from doing that.
“I speak from personal experience when I say that it would be a whole lot of fun. I don’t mean to brag, but I am pretty damn good. You can believe me or not. The only way that you’re going to find out is to put me to the test. We can start simple enough.” His leg had not stopped that constant movement of rubbing like a cricket against my own. He was getting very close to rubbing me in a way that was going to have me moaning in the kind of pleasure that I hadn’t had in quite some time.
I grabbed his foot and I twisted it in such a way that he grimaced in the kind of pain that I was hoping for. It would’ve been so much more gratifying to kick him between the uprights. That was the only language that a man understood when they were getting too hot to handle.
“I get the message. You can’t blame a guy for trying. It would’ve been interesting to mix a little bit of business with pleasure. I would have loved to chase you around the office barely dressed.” The food arrived and the aroma drew me to it like a moth to a flame. One bite and I was transported back to Italy.
I had gone there on a summer vacation courtesy of my mother meeting an Italian stallion that wanted to give her little girls a reason to like him. He was the only one of my mother’s suitors that took any interest in either me or Carol. I had a small crush on Antonio. He looked damn good out of his shirt. I was pretty impressionable at the ripe age of 16 with my hormones out of control. I’d actually spied my mother and him in a not so innocent embrace. It sickened me to my very core.
“I can see the appeal, but I’m really not in a good place. I just got out of a very long-term engagement. It left me broken into a million pieces and my heart can’t take anything more. I only wish that I was the type of girl that was willing to have sex just for the pleasure. I could seriously see myself doing unspeakable things to you. I could leave you spent, unable to say anything and have you wanting to come back for more. I really am insatiable and that can be pretty daunting to any man. You should count yourself lucky that you’re not one of my hit and run victims.” I was playing a part, completely lying through my teeth, but loving the way that he was on the edge of his seat.
“That makes me more than curious. You really do paint a vivid picture. Are you sure that there’s nothing that I can do to convince you to change your mind?” It was nice of him to ask than to assume that he could put his hands where they didn’t belong. It was a nice change of pace from the way that he acted last night.
“I’m afraid that you’re going to have to use your imagination. I can’t stop you from doing that, but I can put a stop to any idea that we can be more than work colleagues. I know that I’m probably going to regret this. You certainly do have everything going for you. I’m just not ready and I hope that you will respect my decision. I have a tendency to fall easily. I would probably become a vindictive stalker that would never leave you alone. Trust me; I’m doing you a favor by not subjecting you to that.” The lies were piling on top of one another. It was getting easier with each word that came out of my mouth.
“I appreciate the candor, but that doesn’t stop me from wondering. You might find me a little distracted at the office. I would give anything to be that sweater that you’re wearing. To feel the cushiony softness of your breasts would make me die a happy man.” His words conveyed his lust. I brought that on myself.
“You know what they say about curiosity killing the cat. If you were to spend 1 hour with me underneath the sheets, you would find out for yourself. You can’t handle a woman like me and why you insist on thinking that you can is only making you look foolish.” I had pulled out all the stops. He was staring at me, most likely thinking with the head on his shoulders and not the one between his legs.
“I’m glad that we talked about this beforehand. Giving it a little bit more thought, I don’t think that it would be a good idea to change the dynamic of our relationship. I want us to be able to work together without feeling that there has to be more to it than that.” As a man of his word, he did pay the bill and then we separated at the door with him walking back to the office and me taking a taxi back home.
It was another one of those nights where I had nobody on that cold side of the bed. It was made even worse because the heat had gone out in the building. I had no idea where Tina was, but I had a feeling that she wasn’t lacking male companionship.
I woke up several times shivering like mad and going to the closet to grab yet another blanket. By the time that the sun had risen, I had five blankets on top of me and feeling like a bear that was ready to hibernate for the winter.
I got up, running in a mad dash for the shower to take that chill out of my bones. The hot water only lasted for about 20 minutes, but without Tina being in the apartment with me, I was able to squeeze every little bit out of it.
As I threw my clothes on the bed, I thought about being that same chaste young woman, but I didn’t want him to have that kind of power over me. I decided on a peasant blouse and a snug black leather skirt with that zipper down the back. I wore something special underneath, just on the off chance that I could catch his wandering eye. I didn’t want to push the envelope, but I found it necessary to entice him without giving away the milk for free.
The purple leather jacket really was the only thing in my closet that was made just for me. Everything else had to be altered in some way. I’d made my own clothes because I liked it, but it was also out of necessity. There was one place that catered to women of my considerable size, but I didn’t feel right about stepping into those doors.
I went back into the office and this time it was nothing but business. He wasn’t putting me in a difficult position by making me feel uncomfortable in the very least. To be honest, I was feeling a little neglected. I might have done something that I couldn’t take back.