“I have had a lot of time to think,” Elena told me slowly as she shrank away from my hand. “I don’t want this, Liam. I want to complete school and not worry about what this relationship might do to my life. It wouldn’t last anyway.”
“Why? We haven’t given it a real shot yet,” I argued as she took a slow, deep breath with a pained expression.
“I don’t want to. I want to finish school, graduate and see what happens then. I can’t be in a messy relationship like this and do all of that. You have your job to think about.” I heard her words, but she seemed to be rambling on. “I am okay, Liam. I just need some healing time, but I am going to be fine. You can move on with your life now.”
“I don’t want that. I want you,” I told Elena, reaching for her hand as she froze. I held it against her stomach and gripped her tightly. “I will work harder, Elena. I have never felt like this about a woman before. I don’t want it to end.”
“I do. Just leave me alone.” Elena looked at me, but I couldn’t see her face behind those lenses. I reached forward to pull them off, seeing her bruised face and the tears in her eyes. “It’s over, Liam.” She pushed my hand away in the same movement that she used to jerk away from me and placed the glasses on her face again. I heard footsteps behind us and glanced to the left to see Ginger loading some bags into the trunk. She gave me a helpless shrug as I ran a hand through my hair and stared at Elena.
There was something else going on here, but I didn’t know what. I couldn’t force Elena to tell me. I could only do what she asked, and I stepped back from the car. I knew better than to fight her on this.
Ginger told me little as well, but I could see on her face that something was wrong. She got into the car and started the engine as Elena rolled the window up. I watched them drive away and felt a pain in my heart that was stronger than anything before this. Was I falling for her? I told myself that I wouldn’t, but the more time that we spent together, the more I knew I wanted Elena in my life. I was fucked and now alone.
As I walked to my car, I realized that Elena m
ight be dropping the semester due to her accident. We could pursue something slowly in that case, but she didn’t even want to try. I slid inside of the seat, starting the engine to head home. I had hoped that Elena would come with me so I could take care of her and just spend some time with her. I knew that she wasn’t calling me, but I never expected her to end things with us.
Marie called when I was walking to my door, and I relayed what went down at Elena’s apartment. “Did something happen that was more serious than you originally thought?” Marie asked me as I walked to the back deck and sat down with a cold beer.
“Not that I remember. It was a little sad when Elena left that night since we knew we had to hold back, but we didn’t end anything. Something happened from the accident. I just don’t know what.” I popped the lid and took a sip. “I should have made her stay. We would’ve had dinner as planned and everything would be different.”
“Maybe and maybe not. You don’t know what is going on,” Marie told me as I stared out over the trees.
“The thing about it is she might not be coming back to class. I didn’t get details of her injuries from Elena, but she was pretty bruised up and said that she was sore.” I shook my head. “It might have worked out that way.”
“Give her time, Liam. She might just need some space. To me, it seemed like you two were good together,” Marie told me before bringing up dinner the following weekend. I agreed since it was tradition and I needed to hold onto something right now.
I drank a few too many beers and woke up in the morning on the couch. My head was throbbing, and I groaned as I pushed myself up and went to the bathroom. I glanced at the messy bed that I hadn’t slept in for the last two nights and damn it if it didn’t smell like Elena in here. I had class today at noon and showered before pulling on some worn jeans and a clean button up from the closet. I looked a little worse for wear, but I knew Economics better than anything else so I could teach it in my sleep.
I sipped strong coffee as I drove to the campus, finding a close parking space. I got out and slipped my messenger bag over my shoulder as I looked around at the students clustered together under a rare sunny sky. I didn’t see Elena, but I didn’t expect to. She was probably in bed at Ginger’s on some heavy pain meds, not thinking about school at all.
Was she thinking about me as I was her?
I straightened as I entered the class and jumped right into the lecture, my voice steady as I spoke. I looked tired and felt every bit of that, but I had a great schedule and would be out of here after some office time.
I knew that I was a little slow today, but kept going with the lecture, trying not to subject the students to the mood that I was in. I breathed a sigh of relief when I was finished, and they started packing their bags. I knew the girls were looking at me as I straightened my papers, staring down so I wouldn’t see the looks on their faces. The hungry gazes hadn’t stopped since I was seeing Elena. In fact, it seemed like the attention grew and I didn’t want any temptation right now. I was feeling vulnerable, but deep down I knew that no woman would feel like Elena did.
The room emptied, and I gathered my things to go to the office. I met up with Sarah a couple times a week to go over stuff, and she was waiting there as expected. She looked at me with a concerned expression for a moment as I walked forward to unlock the door. “Are you okay?”
“Tired. Late night,” I told her as I led the way inside of the small room, the memories of Elena hitting me with an intensity that almost made me stop breathing. “Jesus.” I realized that I wasn’t alone and set my bag on the desk before sitting down. “So, I owe you notes from the lecture to prepare worksheets. I made you some copies, and they’re in my bag.”
I found the stack and handed them to her as Sarah raised an eyebrow at the pile. It was sloppy since I was distracted this weekend and got to it later than normal. “Are you sure that you’re all right?” She asked again as I nodded. I couldn’t tell her what was going on. I couldn’t tell anyone, but Marie and I didn’t want to dump this on her every time an emotion hit me.
“It was a long weekend, Sarah. That’s all,” I assured her as she quickly flipped through the papers before straightening them. She made her way back out to the campus so she could catch a class, and I ran a hand through my hair. I was a fucking mess today, and I needed some coffee or a long nap.
Elena
I rested on the couch as a talk show played through the apartment, thinking about school. I was still very sore and had a lot of trouble just moving in general, so I was still resting. I’d called the school, and they told me that they made exceptions for illness and things like accidents, so I could take a break and come back next semester if I chose to. I couldn’t miss too many classes and hope to have a chance at catching up, and the idea of walking around alone made me ache deep inside.
Or was it because I was missing Liam?
I hated saying those words to him at my apartment. I wanted him to bring me back to his place just to be in his arms, but I’d never be able to hold back about the baby that way. I needed time away from him. I needed to think. Ginger kept asking me if I was sure about my decision and I assured her that I was.
She went to school but was otherwise home to take care of me. She cooked every meal and made sure that I took my medicine and slept properly. I played along though I didn’t always sleep that well. I was sore, and I kept dreaming about Liam.
The dreams varied. In some, we were in Liam’s bed making love the way I never had before and likely never would again. I missed the way that he touched me and I’d wake up in tears some nights before I remembered why we were apart. I would slide my hand down over my stomach, still flat. I knew that there was a little life in there, though. I’d been to the doctor, and it was verified that I was only about one and a half months along. I was starting to feel a bit of the all-day sickness that came along with the first trimester, and Ginger kept the apartment stocked up on things to ease the discomfort. She was reading books about what to expect, making me want to cry as I watched her sometimes.
I still wasn’t completely sure that I was going to keep the baby, but knew that I could not terminate the pregnancy. This was a life, and I hated the idea of pushing another part of Liam away. I spent a lot of time trying to fit a baby into my life with school and working, something that had fallen to the wayside since the accident. I couldn’t sit up long enough to get too much work done and was thankful that my clients were so understanding about things.