Chapter 15
Amanda
For the first time in my life, I was a complete and total mess. Nothing was helping me feel better. No matter how many pints of ice cream I ate or long phone calls I had with my dad, I still felt emotionally and physically like total shit. I couldn’t believe that Nathan flipped switches on me like that, and I had no idea where he was getting his information, but it was more than wrong. Someone was trying to sabotage my life, going so far as to give Nathan a fake marriage license. As far as online, I found one site that listed me as married, but when I looked further, it was another Amanda Johnston from Iowa. It wasn’t even me.
As far as my physical ailments, I was still feeling terrible. I had gotten to the point where I could get up and shower every day, but I think that was more because I was getting used to feeling like hell, not because I actually felt any better.
I was starting to get concerned about my wellbeing. Stomach flus never lasted this long, so I made an appointment with the doctor and dragged myself to his office. They did all kinds of tests and left me sitting in the office on a crumpled strip of paper with an examination gown that swamped me. I dangled my feet over the edge of the table and looked down at my feet, feeling so small in the world. It was times like these, when I was sick and scared, that Nathan was supposed to be there comforting me.
“Amanda,” the doctor said as he walked in, looking at my chart. “I think we found the culprit to your stomach issues.”
“Oh, good,” I said. “What do I need to do? Take some medicine and get some sleep I hope because I’m exhausted.”
“Well, it’s not quite that simple,” he said. “You are going to be feeling exhausted for quite a while, although there are things I can do for the nausea.”
“What do you mean? What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you.” He chuckled. “You’re pregnant.”
“Wait, what did you say?”
“You’re pregnant, Amanda,” he said, taking off his glasses and looking at me. “And I can tell now, this is coming to you as a surprise.”
“Uh, yeah,” I said. “I mean, the thought of me being pregnant never even crossed my mind. Not for a second.”
“I’m assuming you are sexually active,” he said.
“Yes, well, I was,” I replied. “We broke up.”
“Maybe you should call him,” he said gently. “You don’t have to go through all of this alone.”
“I don’t think that’s an option,” I replied, completely stunned. “And you’re sure I’m pregnant? It’s not just some weird mishap with the test?”
“Blood tests don’t lie about something like this.” He smiled. “And from your chart, it looks like you are a week late for your period at this point.”
“Yeah, I just thought it was because of whatever I had,” I said.
“Well, in a way it is.” He chuckled. “Why don’t you lay back, and I will take a look with the portable sonogram? It’s not as elaborate as the full version you will get in a month or so, but it will show me the gestational sac, and I can tell you about how far along you are.”
I laid back and lifted my knees, pushing them apart. He reached under the sheet and inserted the wand, moving it slightly back and forth. I looked over at the black and white screen, watching the blurs move across, wondering which one was the baby. He clicked and clacked on the keys, taking measurements and looking at his notes. When he was done, he cleaned me up and sat back in his chair.
“Well, it all seems to line up perfectly,” he said. “You are around five weeks pregnant, but that reading can change as the baby grows, and we can actually take better measurements.”
I didn’t know what to think. My mind was on fire. Nathan had left me. He had just gotten up and ran off, saying I was trying to steal his money. I was all alone, with no job, no ability to start my clinic, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for any of it. My face turned white as I sat there staring up at the different charts on the wall.
“If you need some help,” the doctor said. “Or you need to talk to someone, I can refer you.”
“Thank you,” I said sweetly. “I just want to go home.”
“Alright,” he said. “The front desk will have some information for you, and they will set up your next appointment.”
“Thank you, doctor,” I said, smiling at him as he left the room.
I gathered my things and changed my clothes, my mind completely blank. It was like I had gone numb, and nothing seeped through, not even the heartache that had been plaguing me. When I checked out, they gave me a prescription for the morning sickness, and I set up my future appointments. I walked out to my car and climbed in, sitting there and gripping the steering wheel.
I had no idea what to do next or where to even go. I figured that my first step was to call Nathan and let him know. He deserved to know he was going to be a father. I pulled my cell phone out of the bag and scrolled through the numbers, my finger hovering over the call button. If he still felt the same way as before, he was going to just think this was a ploy to get him back. Either way, I had to tell him, or at least try to tell him. It was my responsibility to do so.
I pressed call button and pulled the phone to my ear, listening to the ringing. After the third ring, it went straight to voicemail. He had rejected the call, which didn’t surprise me at all. I thought about leaving a voicemail, but I had no idea what I should even say. I couldn’t tell him that I was pregnant on his voicemail, and everything else would just sound like a feeble attempt to get him to call me. I hung up the phone and tossed it on the seat next to me. What were the steps after that? Should I find him? Should I go to his office to tell him the news, or should I take the rejected call as a rejection of me and the baby? With the way, he acted the last time I saw him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he rejected both of us