I glance my eyes around Zane’s house and wrap my arms around me. The buttery soft material of Zane’s large tee shirt swamps my frame in the most amazing way. It’s so nice to wear this while I wait for my clothing to wash, it’s lovely. Sure, it’s a bit confusing when I’m surely trying to stay away from anything that feels too relationship-like so that my emotions don’t get entangled with anything, but it’s a warm, pleasant sensation.
And apparently, Zane is going to come back with more clothing for me tonight. Clothes, so I don’t feel stuck here, so I can escape if I want to. I know what he’s doing with this, he’s trying to keep me feeling free, which is so lovely. He’s the complete opposite of everything I’m used to.
I will find a way to pay him back, that’s for sure. I don’t know how yet, but I’ll get some money from somewhere. I’ll find a job and save up because I don’t want to be indebted to another man ever. I don’t know what skills I have, what sector I can work in, but I’ll figure it out somewhere along the line.
Now I’m free to do whatever the hell I like. The freedom is a little overwhelming, my head spins with it. I almost get lost in it until my cell phone bleeps out, shaking the silence.
Zane: You said size six, right?
I smile to myself, picturing him in a clothing store, falling apart. He might be really good at it, might be buying clothes for women all the time, but somehow, I don’t see it. I can’t imagine that happening. I bet he’s tugging his dark hair, rubbing his cheeks, attracting the attention of the attractive sales assistants who are tripping over themselves to catch his eye. A man like Zane must have female attention everywhere.
I don’t know if I should be jealous about that, not that I have any claim over him, but I don’t anyway. We just shared a moment together and it was wonderful. It isn’t going to last, it’s just for now, so it’s nice to imagine other women ogling over him, knowing that for a moment I had his attention. Last night, his eyes were all on me.
God, I want that again. Having his focus all on me was wonderful. It sends a shiver racing up and down my spine to think of it again. If I’m going to be here for a little while longer, there might be a chance.
Nova: Yes, six in shoes and clothes. Don’t panic too much, I don’t want to be a nuisance.
Zane: You aren’t. This is a fun way to spend my lunch break.
I giggle and clutch my hand to my mouth, all lightheaded like a school girl with a crush. I haven’t ever felt this way, even with Jeremy in the beginning. He simply had me in awe of him, but because of that, I couldn’t truly ever be myself. I wanted him to like me so much, I wasn’t ever myself with him.
We were never really married. I just wish I followed my gut and called it off before it happened.
Nova: I’m sorry, I do appreciate it. It’s very kind of you.
Zane: Here, let me send you some pictures.
A ream of images come through on my phone of sweatpants and leggings, nice looking tee shirts and a hoody or two. Not the sort of thing I would have worn around Jeremy, he always wanted me to be feminine, but right now during this transitional period of my life, I just want comfort.
Nova: That all looks perfect, thank you so much. Any of that.
Zane: Great, well I will be home by six, so I’ll see you then.
He keeps reassuring me that he won’t be long, it’s so nice. It’s almost as if he knows that I’ve spent many years on edge, not knowing when my husband will be home and what mood he’ll be in.
Nova: Great, I will see you very soon.
I want to thank him now for everything that he’s done but I don’t have any cash to buy him a gift. I guess the only thing I can really do is cook him a nice meal when he gets in. I’ve gotten pretty good at cooking. I know that I can do a good job, and if I use ingredients that he already has here I can guarantee that it’ll be something he likes. He lives alone, he doesn’t have to buy for someone else.
I happily bound into the kitchen, knowing how I’m going to spend the rest of the day now. I flick the radio to life, bring up some cheesy pop song that I can dance along to, and I get to work. I’m in my element, happy and carefree. The real me might finally be coming out at last…
12
Zane
“Urgh, what a day,” I announce loudly with an eye roll as I push my front door open. “I’m so glad it’s done.”
When it’s been a long one like today has been, I usually like to be alone when I get home to de-stress, but today I’ve spent the whole time excited to get back to see Nova. She’s been playing in the back of my brain, giving me something to look forward to, and now I want that reward so badly it hurts.
“Oh, wow, you’re a bit early.” She scoots around the corner into my hallway with just one of my tee shirts covering her frame. She looks so delicious my mouth actually waters. “I’m still cooking dinner…”
I inhale deeply, the spices filling my nostrils. “Oh, whatever you’re cooking smells phenomenal.”
“I wanted it to be out on the table before you got in. Sorry, it isn’t there…”
“You aren’t a nineteen fifties housewife,” I laugh. “I don’t think I have ever had anyone cook for me before. That’s so sweet of you, you didn’t need to do that. I could have ordered a take-out.”
“I wanted to do something nice, to say thank you for everything you’ve done.”