What was he doing?
“Stop looking at me like that,” he said before snapping his attention to me. Our eyes met, and I felt myself jerk back. Eric may not have been the star quarterback or the alpha in his trio friendship with the Powell brothers, and he may not have been labeled the king of English Prep, but he was every bit as intimidating. His steely eyes, dark features, and the knife-like cut of his jaw angled in my direction paired with the low raspy bite to his tone and subdue attitude... Eric was every bit as terrifying as he was hot. And that meant a lot coming from a girl like me. I didn’t usually allow men to intimidate me, but Eric did just that. Maybe it was because I knew he hated me, or maybe it was because every male was now skewed in the worst way possible inside my brain, or maybe it was because I was so attracted to him. Either way, I was thrown off course.
“Look at you like what?” I finally croaked, looking away.
“Like I’m some hero. Wasn’t it just a few hours ago that you told me to stop looking at you like I wanted to be such a thing?” A light chuckle came from him, and the butterflies came back. They stunned me so much I actually looked at my stomach, but at that moment, a noise echoed throughout the house, followed by faint laughter. I felt Eric’s entire demeanor change. His back straightened up, and he hissed through his teeth.
My mom was home.
And she wasn’t alone.
The hair on my arms stood erect as my heart galloped in my chest. The thumps were hard and painful. I peeked at Eric from the corner of my eye, and he was wound tightly, ready to snap something with his clenched fists. A man’s slurred voice floated underneath my locked door, and relief kicked in. I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath until I gasped for air. Eric’s fists loosened, and it seemed we were both swimming in relief.
I was relieved it wasn’t the dark voice from my nightmare. And he was likely relieved it wasn’t his father. What a predicament he and I were in.
Minutes passed, the clock ticking by slowly. The remote was still laying between us, neither one of us touching it.
Before I could backtrack and put my walls back together, I blurted out an apology. “I’m sorry.”
The entire room froze like we were in an ice castle. Not a single sound was heard. Not a single movement was made.
“You’re sorry?”
A breath floated out of my mouth, and I honestly expected to see it in the ice-cold room. “I’m sorry my mom slept with your dad.”
Eric laughed sarcastically, shaking his head. His tone was sharper than before. “That’s not what you need to be sorry for.”
I picked at the little threads on my blanket. “I know.”
Painfully long seconds passed, the room somehow even colder than before.
“Why didn’t you just fucking tell me?”
Because I couldn’t risk my father finding out. There was too much to explain. Too many questions Eric would ask if I told him the whole truth. So I didn’t.
“Because I’m selfish, Eric.” As soon as the words were out, I caught his eye. I dug my fingernails into the palms of my hands, almost recoiling at the validity in my response. I truly was selfish. It wasn’t a lie; it just wasn’t the whole truth.
Eric’s stern expression never wavered. We were locked and loaded. He was angry, and I was angry. The only difference was his anger was directed at someone other than himself. But me? I was mad at myself. I was mad for letting myself feel this way. For letting myself feel guilty with my selfishness.
Who would protect my mom and me if it weren’t for me?
I shouldn’t feel guilty about that. But I did. I did because looking at how hurt and angry Eric was made me feel things I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I was growing weaker each second I was alone with him. I was allowing hidden truths to dictate how thick my steel wall was.
Eric’s harsh gaze was ripped from mine. I gazed at the tick in his jaw as he grabbed the remote and turned the TV on.
We stayed eerily stiff on my bed, not touching or looking at each other as some Netflix show played in the background. As soon as the sun started to peek in, we both glanced at my window.
Eric finally moved, swinging his legs over the side of my bed, and stood up. He didn’t look at me once as he moved the chair from underneath my door and unlocked it, stepping over the threshold. He left without a single word.
It was as if the entire night never even existed, and it was probably better that way.
Chapter Sixteen
Eric
“The severity of the war was unmatched. Tens of thousands of young soldiers died, never going back to their families or loved ones.”