My stomach convulsed as my entire body shook and trembled.
“Goddamnit, Maddie. Wake the fuck up!”
My eyes popped open at the sound of Eric’s voice. I shot up out of my bed quickly, my eyes barely adjusting to the dim light.
“The lights. Turn the lights on!” I screamed, hurriedly crawling off my bed. As soon as my feet hit the floor, I rushed past Eric and latched onto the bathroom doorknob. My fingers moved quickly, unlocking it swiftly, and as soon as my knees hit the bathroom tile, I heaved into the toilet, acid burning the back of my throat.
My eyes grew even more watery as I laid my sweaty head down on my forearm. My entire body was racking with trembles, and sweat beads slowly ran down my spine.
I hate this.
As soon as I knew I was done puking, I flushed the toilet and tried standing, but my legs gav
e out, and I fell to the floor on my butt. I clenched my chattering teeth and sucked in my lips to keep myself from crying again as I backed myself up against the tub, closing my eyes.
I was stronger than this. Why couldn’t I get my shit together? Why did the nightmares keep coming back? And why were there two unnecessary evils in this one?
I breathed in and out of my nose, calming my body down for long, agonizing minutes before regaining the strength to stand again. As soon as I unclenched my eyes and stood up on two feet, ready to walk back into my room to face Eric, I stopped. He was standing there, just inside the bathroom, staring at me like he’d seen a ghost.
My lip trembled when we locked eyes, and I wanted to hide. He was seeing a part of me that even I didn’t want to see. And I hated that he was staring at me so stoically. I had no idea what was going through his head. There wasn’t that evil glint in his eye he often gave me, and there wasn’t that cocky, smart-ass grin on his face either.
He just stared, his blue-gray moody eyes on me.
I suddenly felt even smaller than usual.
Embarrassment had me darting past him. He moved just enough that I wouldn’t touch him and then slowly turned around and continued staring at me.
When I sat on my bed and pulled my knees up to my chin, not daring to sneak another glance at the boy who just saw me completely raw, he whispered, “I assume it happened in the dark.”
I still wouldn’t look at him. Instead, I stared at the teddy bear my grandma gave me when I was seven perched on the floor in the corner of my room. “Yes.” It absolutely killed me that my voice came out raspy and broken. I didn’t need Eric to see me like this. I didn’t need anyone to see me like this.
“Did it happen here? Is that why you lock your doors? Did someone come in here and hurt you, Maddie?”
Mortification swirled in my belly. I dropped my head to my knees and slowly nodded as a tear escaped.
I paused at the sound of Eric’s knuckles cracking. I stole a peek at him, and by the looks of his tense shoulders and wiggling tight jaw, I could tell he was angry. That was the conflicting behavior I was talking about earlier. Eric was mad.
And for a fleeting moment, I let myself relish in his sudden protectiveness, but only for a second, because I knew, without a doubt, that he’d go back to disliking me eventually. This was a minor time lapse in our story. Maybe if we were in a different reality, in a different time, this could have played out differently.
“I’m fine, Eric. You can go home now. I won’t be able to sleep for the rest of the night.” The clock on my table read just after three in the morning, which meant I’d actually gotten a decent amount of sleep for once.
Eric’s broad chest rose swiftly underneath his tight t-shirt. His arms were still crossed, and his expression was unreadable. When he flicked his eyes to me, I jumped. “Who else knows about this?”
I gulped, clutching my knees even tighter. God, I have to look so…vulnerable. “No one.”
His eyes widened for a split second. “No one? No one at all?”
I shook my head slowly. Of course no one knew. Who would I tell? All my friends? My boyfriend? That’s right, I had neither. “No.” Panic hit me fast. I snapped my spine into place. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
Eric didn’t move his attention from me. Not even a slight dip of his eye. Nothing. He just blinked a few times before letting his arms fall.
“Here’s the deal,” he started, advancing toward the bed with a wide, confident stride. “Tomorrow, you can go back to being your strong, I-don’t-give-a-fuck, thorny self…poking anyone who comes near…and I’ll go back to remembering all the reasons I absolutely fucking hate you.” My eyebrows hunched together as I angled my chin up to meet his stance from above my bed. He swallowed, his prominent Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “But for now…what do you usually do after a nightmare like that? You said you don’t sleep, so what do you do?”
I licked my dry lips, confused as hell. My heart flew through my chest at the prospect of Eric not hating me for just a few more hours. “I…I read…or binge-watch a show. Something interesting…to keep me awake.”
He nodded, looking all around my room before he landed on the remote laying on my dresser. He walked over briskly, snatched it with one swift hand, and then came over and flicked his chin at me.
I scrambled to move over, all way to the very side edge of my bed, and sat up tall. The mattress dipped as Eric sat down and flipped his legs onto it. He smelled clean and fresh.