Salvatore talked to her about that, too. About their home gym, how big it was and how they had everything there to help her get stronger mentally and physically. He was just as good looking and intimidating as his brother. He had black hair, spiked up on top and trimmed tight on the edge. He was muscular, too, but a couple of inches shorter than Finn. Both men seemed capable of anything. They oozed power, strength and that whole law enforcement attitude and confidence that she found sexy.
She felt stupid. Like some teenage girl with no experience who had a crush on the much older, more experienced man. But she felt it for both Salvatore and Finn.
She needed to remind herself that they didn’t see her in that light. They saw her as a young woman, a victim who they rescued in the nick of time, and who needed support and their law enforcement presence to make her feel safe.
She swallowed hard, realizing she was in a dead stare.
Finn lipped the words, “Are you okay?” and she nodded and then felt the tears fill her eyes as she looked away and looked out toward the woods. She felt guilty for lying. For trying to put on a tough expression and act like what happened to her, what those men tried to do to her was no big deal and she was over it.
What a lie that was. She didn’t think she could ever get over the abduction and assault. In fact, she knew she was destined for a life full of fear, especially at night, or when she was alone in bed. Her father had suggested she move back into the house with him. He needed help anyway, but that would mean giving up her independence and allowing those men who hurt her to win. She couldn’t do that.
“How about we grab some iced tea and join the others? Mercedes is over there. I haven’t spoken with her in so long and I think you’ll really like her,” Eliza Grace suggested.
Missy Ann put on her fake smile, ready to socialize and act like the world was a pleasant, safe, happy place, and stood up. She fixed her skirt and then pulled the blouse she wore over the camisole tight. Despite the heat she wore the blouse to hide any signs of the scratches and cuts. She didn’t want to answer questions, or discuss what happened. She just wanted to stop being scared.
“I can’t believe it’s been so long since we hung out. God, we need to get together more often. Maybe do a girl’s night out thing,” Mercedes said to Eliza Grace.
Eliza Grace smiled and Missy Ann prayed that they didn’t ask her to join them. To go to some restaurant around a group of strangers or worse, some club or bar to hear a band play. She shivered and felt the anxious feeling begin to form in her chest. She didn’t want to have a panic attack.
She thought about the crowds, people standing too close, bumping her, touching her as they passed by. She thought about how men liked to do that. Use the crowd as an excuse to rub up close to a woman, or hold on to their hips as they passed as if they had every right to touch them. She tried to will the anxious feeling away. She felt the tightness. She swallowed once, twice, trying to ease the lump away.
She tried breathing softly, and focusing on the conversation as Mercedes started telling Eliza Grace about a place in Cambridge. A spa or something.
“That sounds really nice. I’ve never gone to a spa or had a massage,” Eliza Grace said and Mercedes started describing all these different ones. She talked about traditional massages and then about seaweed wraps. But Missy Ann kept thinking about being out of Chance, about driving alone, which she rarely did, and stuck to going from her house to the store and back. She didn’t drive at night. She wouldn’t want another person touching her, massaging her muscles, placing their hands on her body at all.
She felt her breathing strain as she thought about what Mercedes was describing.
There’s something wrong with me. I can’t even discuss a massage and going to a spa without freaking out and worrying about someone touching me. But it sounds nice. It sounds relaxing. Can I ever relax? How can I after what happened?
She felt the sensation grow worse. She didn’t want to make a scene and ruin a nice party.
“Would you excuse me, please? I need to use the lady’s room. I’ll be right back,” she mustered the strength to say. Eliza Grace placed her hand on her arm. Missy Ann flinched and tightened up and then smiled.
“I’m good,” she said, before Eliza Grace could ask her if she was okay. It was a routine now. Eliza Grace was her best friend and they experienced the trauma together.
She hurried into the house and headed toward the back bedroom where a separate bathroom was. She didn’t make contact with anyone. She just needed to get into the bathroom and get control of the anxiety attack that was coming on fast.
She just got into the bathroom when her thoughts got the best of her. Flashbacks of the men striking her filled her mind. She pushed them away and gripped the sink. She hung her head and tried to think positive thoughts as Alana had suggested.
She thought abou
t the spa. The sounds of relaxing music, the feel of warmth, the tranquility of it all. She jerked as she felt the hands. She gasped and lost her breath. In her mind she was back in that cabin, she felt the hands between her legs, the cuts to her skin and the brutality of it all.
She heard the knock on the bathroom door. She gasped again.
“Missy Ann? Are you okay?”
Finn.
She opened her mouth ready to say help. To have him save her again. Then she closed her mouth. She couldn’t do that. He didn’t deserve the burden of caring for her when she suffered one of these panic attacks. So he and his brother saved her from a worse fate than what she already suffered. It wasn’t right or fair. He should be spending his days off enjoying a date with a woman, with someone closer to his age, someone who could give him and his brother what they deserved. Someone who wasn’t a victim and could never let a man touch her again.
She shook her head and felt her throat close up.
The door opened and she caught sight of his reflection in the mirror, the intensity and the anger, and then she felt his arms around her and his face next to her neck.
She gasped, expecting his touch to scare her and make her scream for help, to be let free, but it didn’t happen. He was gentle, yet firm in his hold. Her nostrils flared as she breathed heavily, taking in his scent. Then she felt his lips, the warmth of his breath, the familiar scent of Finn.
“Easy breaths now, baby. Nice and easy breaths for me. You’re safe, Missy Ann. I’ve got you now. You’re safe. All your friends are right outside. Your dad is here, too, and Eliza Grace. Easy breaths, honey. Nice and easy,” he whispered into her ear. She tightened up and tried to resist the need to accept his protection, his care, and his ability to calm her and make it all disappear. It felt good, though. His arms around her. His lips against her skin. She felt safe and that scared her. She couldn’t let him have this control. Maybe he would use it against her.