“I hope not, Ava Grace. I don’t always want to be alone.” When he looks at me now, it’s as if he’s speaking directly to my soul. It’s like he sees me, is echoing everything inside of me.
“What do you want then, Samson?” I ask.
“I want a wife, a family. But I’ve always been my own worst enemy. I always push people away because what if I let someone in, really in, and then I fuck it up and ruin things. Ruin them?” Samson is choking up; his eyes fill with tears. “That’s what happened with my parents. I fucked things up and they paid for it.”
I wipe away the tears on my cheek, shaking my head. “No, Samson. That’s not the way it works. Your past doesn’t define you, good or bad. Who you are right now, the man you choose to be today—that is what matters.”
He looks at me, blinking back his tears. “I want to be a good man, a man who doesn’t run when he is scared.”
“Then don’t. Be a man who stays.”
He takes hold of my hand again. The spaghetti’s cold, the wine warm in our bellies, the heat between us growing.
“Let’s get out of here,” he tells me.
He doesn’t need to ask me twice. I want to follow wherever Samson leads.
14
I lead Ava Grace from the restaurant, knowing where I’m taking her. The valet pulls our car around and I drive her to the second half of our date. Pulling into the empty parking lot, I park the car.
“Samson,” she says, reaching for my arm. “Are we ice skating?”
I consider, right then and there, telling her the full truth, nothing but the truth, but I don’t want to spoil this perfect night. It’s already been so damn heavy, so damn hard. I opened to Ava Grace like I’ve never opened to anyone in my life.
And right now, her eyes are bright, her smile wide. I’m taking this girl skating.
Besides, I can’t bear to tell her who I really am and have her walk away on the heels of my admission over dinner. Right now, I want to hold on to the energy pulsing between us. She heard me explain my biggest fear, deepest regret, and instead of walking out, she held my hand. She saw my heart.
I’m not the one with the heart of gold. Ava Grace is.
“You think you can beat me around the rink?” I ask, her hand slipping in mine as we walk to the entrance.
“Oh, I know I can,” she says, laughing. “I’m not very good, but somehow when I lace up a pair of skates, I feel limitless.”
“You can’t beat a feeling like that.”
We walk into the lobby, it’s empty, there is only one person in the entire place.
“What size?” the man at the counter asks. The open skate hours are taped to the counter.
“Eight,” she tells him, then looks at me. “Where is everyone?”
I shrug. “I made a few calls.”
“But it’s an open skate night.”
“I rented the place for us.”
“Samson.” She opens her mouth as if ready to argue. “That’s crazy sweet of you.”
“You deserve crazy sweet.”
She just laughs and shakes her head. “What happened to the asshole I met at the engagement party? It’s like something happened to you and you became some romantic sap.”
My chest tightens. I’m nervous as fuck to tell her the truth, but before the night is over, I’ll tell her everything.
“A lot can change in a few months.”
A few minutes later Ava and I are on the empty ice rink. The only lights in the massive rink are the ones on the ice, and as we skate—me much more awkwardly than her —we are quiet. My hand finds hers, and she laces her fingers with mine. Every time her body brushes against mine, I make note of her vanilla shampoo scent and twinkling laugh. Each time I stumble, she helps steady me.
We glide, hand in hand, and listen to the music overhead, a mix of cheesy eighties hits, and… and I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with a woman like her. She makes me feel good in my own skin and I’ve never met a person who made me feel that way.
I’m so lost in thought about how I have fallen for this woman—head over heels—that I literally do. I fall over her. We crash to the ground, she falls on the ice, I land on my ass, she laughs as she winces and I groan as I reach to help her up. Every time I try to stand, I fall back down, and then she collapses on top of me.
The air is cold, our breath hot. She’s across my lap, and I pull her to me, her ass in my hands, her lips on my mouth. I’m sitting on ice, but this woman melts everything inside of me. Everything that has been cold and reserved and held back... is thawed.