While he’s had good periods before, it’s never been like this, and I can almost let myself hope maybe this is it, the start of his recovery.
Mom always cautions me to slow down when I start thinking like that, just in case I get my hopes up and I’m devastated when it turns out he’s not going to recover after all. But even she’s been looking at him in a new way recently, as though appreciating the change in his demeanor.
If we tell him, could it set him back?
“Hello?” Dad chuckles. “Earth to Lori?”
“I’m sorry,” I say, wringing my hands as the pathetic part of me continues to look for a way out of this. “This is difficult to talk about. But I – we – wanted you to know.”
Dad narrows his eyes. He’s wearing his old sweater, the one mom and I knitted for him when I was eleven.
In truth, she did most of the knitting, but it always warms my heart when I see the burgundy material hanging off his body. Once, it was baggy but not super baggy. Now it looks several sizes too big.
Looking at that sweater, it all hits me, what we’re doing, the immensity, and the importance of it.
“Know what?” Dad says after a long pause.
Mom is looking between me and Lukas.
Lukas leans forward, returning her gaze steadily. He then looks at my father. He glances at me, as though silently asking if I mind if he says it. I shake my head and nod at the same time, meaning no, I don’t mind… and yes, I want him to do it.
Only my Lukas wouldn’t need me to expand on that. He nods and turns back to my parents.
“Lorena and I have started a relationship,” he says. “We thought you should know. Out of respect, particularly, I wanted you both to know that my intentions for your daughter are only the best, always the best.”
A long pause passes.
Mom glances at dad, but dad just keeps his eyes on me and then Lukas, moving his gaze back and forth. I can hardly take it, my fingers twitching with the need to fidget, to do something rather than just sit here.
“How long?” Dad says finally.
“A couple of weeks,” I say. “I mean, officially…”
I trail off. I was about to say, officially, since last night. But then it might be too obvious what I’m talking about. The last thing I need is to put those sorts of ideas into their heads.
“Two weeks,” I say. “But we’ve only described it as being boyfriend and girlfriend for a little while.”
Mom sits with her hands in her lap, her face composed and impossible to read. Dad looks dumbstruck more than anything, as though we’ve caught him off guard and he isn’t quite sure what to say. He continues to stare.
After another insanely long pause, dad says, “And the age difference?”
“What about it?” I ask.
“Don’t you think he’s a little old for you, Lori?”
“No,” I say passionately. “We’ve already talked about it. It doesn’t bother either of us. So why should it bother you? And the truth is, dad, I like how much older he is. Boys my own age are always so immature. Lukas, he’s got everything together. We’re ready to start our lives together.”
I bite down, stopping myself from going any further.
Lukas and I agreed to leave out all the stuff about our primal need, the burning desire inside of us because we know it won’t make sense to anyone else.
“Bluntly, sir,” Lukas says, “I want a future with your daughter. I want a family, and one day, a marriage.”
I gasp and Lukas looks at me, a smirk playing on his lips. “Don’t sound so surprised, Lori. What did you think I meant I said we were going to be together forever?”
I resist the urge to reach out and touch his face. Then I turn to my dad. “I want the same. We both do. We’ve talked about it. A family, a future… we’re in this for the long haul, mom, dad. This isn’t just some stupid fling.”
“It’s been a long time since my wife’s death,” Lukas goes on, “and, honestly, I’ve never been with anybody since. I was content to spend the rest of my life alone. But then I met Lori, and she changed me. I know the circumstances might be a little odd, with our age gap and Lori’s friendship with Jamie, but I want this. And I think Lori does too.”
“More than anything,” I say.
Mom is the first one to smile. She grins from ear to ear, looking at me and then Lukas. She turns to dad. “Isn’t this wonderful?”
“Really?” Dad says.
“Oh, come on, Mitch,” she replies. “We’ve talked about how much we’d love for Lori to find someone she cares about. Are you telling me, after hearing what she just said, you think she hasn’t found that person?”