I said that Tiggy needed more time to recover from laying waste to Tarker Mills.
They knew what I was doing.
But they didn’t call me on it.
“Sure, Sam,” they said.
“Okay, Sam,” they said.
And so we waited.
AND ON the seventh morning after Ryan and Justin left, we stood in front of the keep: a dragon, a hornless unicorn, a half-giant, and a brokenhearted wizard’s apprentice who was still kickass but super sad about stupid boys and their fucking faces.
“And let the adventure begin!” I said, trying to sound jubilant.
“Hurray,” Gary said. He did not sound jubilant.
“So many brooms,” Tiggy said, carrying one broom.
“This sucks,” Kevin muttered, glancing back forlornly at his keep. “The things I do for love.”
“Lust,” Gary said.
And we started walking back to Castle Lockes and an uncertain future. Toward the unknown. Toward heartbreak and—
“Shit,” Gary said. “I forgot my scarves.”
“Gary,” I said through gritted teeth.
“What?” he said, sounding defensive. “You know I can’t go anywhere without my scarves. What of the wind-rape?”
“Why were your scarves even out?”
“Er.”
“We were trying to see which ones could be used to tie him up,” Kevin said. “For sexual things. Spoiler: it was all of them.”
“Oh my gods,” I gagged. “Stop it. Go get your fucking scarves.”
“I’ll go!” Kevin cried joyously, already turning around.
“You stay right where you are,” I snapped. “You just want to go back and look at your treasures.”
Kevin pouted and refused to look at me.
“Tiggy,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “Would you go get Gary’s scarves? Please.”
“Take my broom?”
“Yes. You can take your broom.”
“Take my broom,” he said.
Six minutes later.
“AND THE adventure begins,” I said and took a step.
“Tiggy,” Gary said. “Tiggy, dear. Did you repack your pajamas?”