“I told you we should have killed them,” Gary said.
“We can’t just kill people,” Ryan said.
“They were holding us prisoner.”
“That doesn’t make it right. Killing people never does.”
“Oh?” Gary asked. “What about Moishe?”
“I’ll kill him,” Ryan snarled. Then, “Uh. I mean. No way. What. Who?”
“Do I even want to know?” Justin asked, edging away from Tiggy, who was frowning at him.
“Elven whore,” Gary said. “Works for Sam’s fairy drag mother. Long story.”
“Funny,” Justin said. “You all seem to have a lot of those now.”
“I’ve got your long story right here,” Kevin said, curling his tail around Gary’s legs.
“Dude,” I said. “So not cool. Like, at all.”
“Hush,” Gary said, leaning into the dragon. “I think it’s endearing.”
“You’ve known him for two hours. He can’t yet be endearing.”
“It’s endearing,” Gary insisted as Kevin’s tail started to rub against his own. “And maybe slightly invasive.”
“You’re not getting to third base with my best friend while I’m watching,” I told Kevin.
“Why not, pretty?” Kevin purred. “The more the merrier, I always say. We can just go back into the keep and drink some wine and take off our clothes and just go for it, you know? Just do it. It’s just our bodies. Everyone’s got one. Sweaty, naked bodies that—”
“I am so uncomfortable right now,” Ryan said.
“Guys,” I said. “Cult. Coming to murder our faces. Priorities.”
“Why don’t you just use your magic?” Justin asked. “It shouldn’t be that hard.”
“Ungh,” Ryan said.
“It’s harder than you think,” Gary said, wide-eyed and innocent.
Justin grimaced at Ryan. “Did you just drool? Seriously, Ryan. I can’t take you anywhere. What the hell?”
“What?” Ryan said, wiping his mouth. “No. Of course not. That’d be weird.” His eyes were still glazed over as he looked down at my hands as if he expected me to cast a spell right in front of him. Instead, I was focusing on not getting an erection because apparently I had a kink for Ryan’s kink for my magic.
“I didn’t come this far to get murdered by a cult,” Justin said.
“Wow,” Gary said. “I didn’t think you went far at all. I thought we were the ones that did all the work to rescue you. Funny, that.”
“You’re kind of a bitch, aren’t you?” Justin said.
“What did you call me? Oh, Gary’s gonna bring the pain—”
“Shut up,” I snapped. “All of you. For fuck’s sake.”
Surprisingly, they all shut up.
“Wow,” I said. “I didn’t think that was going to work. Huh. I must be intimidating.”