“That is… strangely nice,” I admitted. “Thank you. I would also have you for breakfast as well.”
He sighed. “Too bad you’re like my older sister. We could have been something special.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Older? You’re seventy-six!”
“Boo, you whore,” he said. “Now it’s your turn to tell me how amazing I look.” He pranced around me in a tight circle.
“You don’t look seventy-six at all,” I said.
He glared at me. “Try again.”
“You look wonderful.”
“I knew there was a reason I kept you around.”
“Joy. Sustaining your ego is my life’s work.”
“Make sure you don’t sneeze or fart tonight, okay? Your pants are so tight, I’m pretty sure they would rip. Wouldn’t want Knight Delicious Face to get a sample of the goods along with everyone else.”
I groaned. “If you look close enough, you can see everything. It’s like I’m an advertisement for circumcision.”
He looked closely. It was very disconcerting to have your gay unicorn best friend studying your penis that intensely. Finally, he gave his verdict. “It’s a very nice penis.”
“Thank you.” Because it was.
“Not as big as mine, though.”
“Good-bye, self-esteem and fuzzy feelings. It was so nice to make your acquaintance.”
“Bah,” Gary said. “Knight Delicious Face won’t know what hit him.”
“Uh, yeah he will. His boyfriend.”
“Want me to trample him?”
“As awesome as premeditated murder of royalty would be, I don’t feel like causing the death of the King-in-waiting. That just might be against the law. Or something.”
“I can make it look like an accident,” he said. “I’ve done it before.”
“Remind me never to piss you off.”
“You piss me off all the time.”
“To the point of murder,” I amended.
“I would never kill you,” he assured me. “Maim. But never murder.”
“Most people think you’re sweet and fluffy. It’s all lies.” The throne room sounded crowded, if the noise from the other side of the Great Doors meant anything. I tried to peek through the doors, but I couldn’t see anything. Damn superior craftsmanship.
“Just tell me when,” Gary said. “I’ll handle the rest.”
“Tempting. But no. I don’t even care about stupid Ryan Foxheart and his stupid gorgeous hands or his stupid perfect boyfriend. Tonight is all about me.”
“So glad you think so,” Morgan said, coming up from behind me. “It will certainly make things that much easier.”
I turned to my mentor. He was wearing dark blue robes adorned with the King’s crest stitched neatly on the back. He’d braided flowers into his beard that matched Gary’s. They were absolutely adorable, and I had to stop myself from pinching Morgan’s cheeks and sighing at him. He didn’t like it when I did that.
But wait. “What will go easier tonight?” I narrowed my eyes at him.