“This can’t possibly end well,” I muttered. “And you’ve already questioned him.”
“What?” Ryan asked. “What job?”
But Mama didn’t even give him time to think. “Mead or cider?”
“Cider.”
“Oceans or mountains?”
“Mountains.”
“Brisket or lamb?”
“Brisket.”
“Topping or bottoming?”
“Both,” he said. Then, “Wait. What?”
“Sweet molasses,” I whispered.
“Well, then,” Mama said. “Versatile. My, oh my. My day just got far more interesting.”
“How do you do that?” Ryan demanded.
“Get you to say things you don’t want to say out loud?” she asked. “Simple. I’m Mama. I can do anything.”
“I think I’ve forgotten why we came here,” I said, staring at Ryan.
“You’re hired,” Mama told him. “Of course, you’ll need to renounce your knighthood, your oath to the King, break your engagement with the Prince, and then tell your one true love you can’t be with him anymore.”
“Won’t his one true love know when he breaks the engagement?” I asked. “That seems to be pretty telling if you ask me.”
Mama stared at me.
“What?” I asked.
“Are you really that stupid?” she asked.
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?”
“Ryan,” she said. “Would you care to—?”
“Nope,” he said quickly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She glared at the both of us. “Really? Really?”
I was so confused. “What are you mad at me for?”
“You’re fired,” she said to Ryan. “Pack up your shit and get out.”
“What?” I shouted at her. “You can’t fire him! He’s the best whore you’ve—wait.”
r /> “Um. I don’t have any shit here?” he said. Or asked. I wasn’t sure which.
“Oh,” Mama said. “Then it will be easier for you to leave.”
“I’ve never been fired before,” Ryan told me. “I feel strangely upset by this whole thing.”