“Yeah,” Mama said. “He is. Like fire. I want him to burn me. All over my face.”
“Feeling a little objectified now,” Ryan said.
I scowled at Mama. “That’s not gonna happen. You keep your perfectly beautiful grubby fingers off of him.”
“Hmmm,” Mama said.
“Hmmm? That’s all you got? Hmmm?”
“Just realizing something,” she said. “Have you had many of those lately, Sam? Realizations?”
“I’m realizing a few things right now,” I told her. “And several of them involve you. Spoiler. It doesn’t end well.”
“And how are you?” Mama asked Ryan.
“Fine,” he said, though he didn’t sound fine at all.
“Long trip?”
“Not too bad.”
“Traveled through the Dark Woods, did you?”
“For the last few days.”
“Have you ever had sex for money?”
“Not in a long time,” Ryan said. “I don’t do that anymore.” He blanched. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud. How the hell…?”
So I said, “What?”
“Never mind,” Ryan said, refusing to meet my eyes.
“I like him,” Mama said. “And I don’t say that about many people.”
“You’ve said it to five people,” I reminded her. “Me. Moishe. Tiggy and Gary. And now Ryan?”
“I think I’m being insulted,” Ryan said.
“Where are Gary and Tiggy?” Mama asked me.
“Outside the city,” I said. “We’re trying to keep a low profile. Too many people know our faces right now.”
“There’s the ego,” she said.
I rolled my eyes. “It’s a loud unicorn and a half-giant. It’s not about ego or subtlety. It’s more practical.”
“Especially when you’re coming to see the Queen of the Fuck Palace,” she said.
“I blame you for this,” I told Ryan. “All of this is your fault.”
“I don’t even know what’s happening right now,” he said.
“You’re being interviewed,” Mama said. “For a job.”
“He is not!”
“Tell me, Knight Commander,” she said. “Are you up for a little questioning?”