And let me tell you, that distance was killing me. Because, during those days and nights in the attic, it seemed as though my body had grown addicted to Jake’s. I missed his touch and the feeling of his big, muscular body surrounding mine. I missed his fur and bonfire scent and the deep murmur of his voice in my ear.
And yes, I missed having him inside me. I felt as though there was an empty spot between my thighs—a void that grew hungrier every day. As the moon waned and then waxed again, growing fuller every night, I felt sometimes like I might die if I couldn’t feel him filling me again, thrusting in me…coming in me…making me his.
I told myself over and over I had to stop thinking like this—had to stop wanting him. He was my stepbrother—my real brother in the eyes of the Were law—and we were never going to be able to be together.
But though I knew that in my head, my heart and my body refused to listen. I yearned for Jake as I had never yearned for anyone before and yet, I couldn’t show it. I had to be cool and distant with him and he was the same way with me.
Sometimes he was so remote I wondered if what had happened between us had all been a dream. After all, we had agreed that we were only acting—what if that was all it was? What if he didn’t actually give a damn about me? What if I was crazy in love with him and he couldn’t care less about me—about us?
There is no “us” I reminded myself for the five hundredth time as I accepted another serving of roast beef from my mother, just to make her happy, after she offered it to me yet again. And the way that Jake—who was sitting across the large, ornately carved dining room table—was completely ignoring me seemed to support that idea completely.
“Your father and I are going out tonight,” my mom said, breaking into the monotonous, repetitive circle my mind had fallen into. “We’re going to see a movie for the first time in ages.”
For the first time since the attack and kidnapping, you mean, I thought but didn’t say. She and my stepfather were always going to plays and movies and charity balls and musicals—it was like she was trying to make up for the years when we were so poor we couldn’t even afford to see a matinee showing of anything.
Jake frowned at his father.
“Will you be taking guards with you? I hope you know you’re probably still a target. We all are.”
“Actually, we’re not,” Marcus said firmly. “I’ve had some investigation done and I have some very good news for all of us. With Sorenson gone, the Worshipers of the Moon are scattered and leaderless. Also, their appointed date of total destruction has come and gone and all of the regular Weres have not been “scattered from the Earth and blown as chaff before the wind,” so it’s hard for them to get new converts to believe their nonsense.”
I shivered at the sound of the crazy prophecy that Ophelia and Sorenson had repeated over and over. I wanted to forget all about it and here was my stepfather, bringing it up again!
“Does that mean it’s safe for me to go out too?” Jake demanded. “Because I’m tired of being cooped up in this mausoleum—I need to get out of here!”
“And where do you propose to go?” Marcus asked, frowning at him.
Jake shrugged. “I heard the local pack is having a group breeding tonight. Thought I might go down and sew some wild oats.”
His words stabbed me like a blade to the heart, but Marcus nodded his approval.
“Good—it’s about time you got out a bit. Yes, it should be safe to go but please be sure you wear the mask I got you. We don’t want any of the local bitches coming after you for child support if you knot them.”
“I’ll be careful,” Jake promised, grinning. “Nobody will know they’re getting a Royal knotting.”
He laughed and Marcus joined in, laughing as well, though he was usually pretty solemn. My mom frowned and admonished them for introducing an “off-color” subject at the dining table. And as for me, I sat there frozen with a full plate I hadn’t touched and an aching heart that felt like it was breaking in two.
Of course Jake and I had never promised to be exclusive with each other and I knew we could never be together again, but the idea of him going down to the local pack grounds and knotting some Were slut was enough to make me furious and horribly depressed at the same time.
“Ani?” my mom said. “Anastasia?”
“Huh?” I looked up, realizing that she’d called my name several times.