Will I fall so desperately in love with him again from simply being in his presence?
Will all the memories and empty promises come tumbling back, crippling my ability to move on?
The truth is that life broke me the moment my mother died. And in my entire life, I shielded myself from the pain by being in the spotlight. I forced people to fall in love with me, and all it did was throw me into a life of solitude, which in turn broke me with its yearning.
I risked my heart on Noah, I wished I could tell him that, but instead I keep that fact to myself. What we had, or what I had imagined, broke me for good. And although rock bottom with a broken heart seems impossible to climb out of, it means that I need to trust the journey. Exactly what Mama Valentino had reiterated all along.
“I’m going to stand here,” I tell him, taking a deep breath and letting go of the chain torturing my frail heart. “I love Morgan, but she’s in pain. I don’t know if you can even put yourself in her position. But Noah, you need to find it within yourself to do the right thing by Jessa. It’s not about you and Morgan, it’s about her.”
“You don’t think I know that? She’s my daughter for Christ’s sake,” he pleads.
“Then do what she deserves.” With reluctance, but complete desire to end this nightmare, I move toward him and wrap my arms around him, whispering, “You’re stronger than you think. And you love so hard… if there’s such a thing. Any child would be lucky to have you as their father. Count the blessings, not the mistakes.”
He holds onto me tight while shuddering in my embrace. Just like Morgan, he’s shattered into a million pieces.
There’s no longer right or wrong—only a world that consistently turns as we fight our way through the uphill battle called life.
Pulling away from him, I smile to let him know it’s going to be okay. Noah will still be a part of my life, that will never change. Yet, my love for him has begun to evolve into something greater than a selfish love which was never meant to be.
It became a love between two people who would do anything for each other in the name of family. And that part of us is a journey I now trust with all my heart.
“I better go,” I tell him. “Take care, okay?”
He nods, acknowledging me with a thankful smile. I turn around to head back home before he calls my name one more time.”
“Hey, I forgot to tell you. I had a dream about you last night.”
“Really?” I hide my grin behind a straight face. “That’s weird.”
“Yeah, it was, actually. You were Morgan.” He sighs, confused as he watches me oddly. “It was… different.”
It’s as if the universe had spoken, dealt its cards, and watched the game unfold. I walk back to him, hugging him one more time. “I’ll always be your family, and so will Morgan. Just remember that.”
Noah holds onto me fiercely before letting me go, cupping my face in his hands with a satisfied smile, his eyes brighten as he examines my face. “What did I do to deserve a sister-in-law like you?”
I laugh, grabbing his hands and clutching them tight in my own.
“Karma… she always wins in the end.”
“Just breathe.”
I couldn’t just breathe.
Adrenalin floods my system. It pumps and beats like it’s trying to escape the trapped confines in which it falls prisoner to. I sense my heart will explode as eyes widen with fear.
Morgan rests her hand against mine, wary of the onlookers watching us.
We spent the last two months traveling through Europe, a much-needed vacation to cement our sisterly bond and escape the Hollywood rat race. We bonded over our love of architecture, our playful fight during La Tomina which had us in absolute stitches, completely drenched in tomato remnants.
We danced in the hills of Bavaria, drank and sung our way through Germany, finally ending up in paradise—Santorini, Greece.
Things between Noah and Morgan are amicable. They both agreed Noah would meet us in Paris, where we took Jessa and even an excited Michael to Disneyland. I won’t say that things are perfect because they have a long road ahead of them, but they have agreed to make it as painless as they can for the kids.
They did, however, agree to a divorce. It surprised me that Noah so willingly accepted their marriage had come to an end. He took responsibility for his actions and did the best he could despite the circumstances.
I decided to take an acting hiatus. This journey of finding myself became an obsession I couldn’t break.
Until now.