He lets go, and his body falls on top of mine. I’m suffocating underneath him, but I am too timid to let him know that I am uncomfortable.
Julian pulls himself out of me, his cock resting on my stomach as I see him wince in pain. The guilt is smothering me to the point I can’t breathe. Squirming around, I free my arms and pull my dress up to cover my chest, aware my insecurities and guilt have gotten the better of me. Again, it was bound to happen.
Slowly, he moves off me and is lying flat on his back, palms resting against his face. For some reason, when I look at him naked, he catches me, and I immediately turn away.
“I’m sorry, Julian. It was too much.”
He doesn’t say anything, and I give him a moment.
Fuck, I’m a bitch for making him stop halfway. What kind of girl does that? You—you idiot. But with valid reason, right? Right at this moment, I need my best friend to talk me through this. She will make me see some sense. Except, that would never happen because your best friend has screwed the guy as well. God, this is just getting worse and worse.
We lay there for a long time in the dark in an awkward silence not saying a word to each other. He is still, and his arousal has sunk faster than the Titanic. I’m still soaked, uncomfortable as the wetness between my thighs needs some attention.
“You feel like going for a walk?” he says in an arctic tone. “I could use the fresh air.”
“Sure. And I get it. Soldier needs to calm down,” I joke to hopefully lighten the mood. He lets out a relaxed laugh, and in that moment, I know everything is okay between us.
Both of us get dressed, and I take a moment to clean myself up in the bathroom before we head out. It’s late, just past midnight as we take a stroll in a park not too far away. The cool night’s breeze eases my anxiety, and the mosquitoes are feasting on my pale skin causing me to scratch like a crazed lunatic.
Julian grabs my hand and starts to talk about his next project. I listen intently, taking in every word. He loves his work so much and is passionate about helping others. As I watch him talking, my eyes move to his body. His light blue Lacoste polo shirt is slightly fitted across the chest and is showing off his muscular arms. He has a bronze tan from the Australian sun, but I love that he has no tattoos, and you can see how perfectly smooth his skin is. His hair is messy, sex messy, and a mousy brown color with a few strands which appear almost blond. As he continues to talk, his mouth does this licking thing I could watch for hours on end. I don’t think he realizes he does it, which makes it sexier. Everything about him screams sex, including the way his eyelashes curl as they cover his beautiful brown eyes. I want to run my tongue along every part of him, including his cock.
Okay, and here is the giant elephant in the room. How ironic. He’s bigger than what I’m accustomed to, and I hate that the thought crosses my mind. Surely, I’m not the only woman who has thought that when they sleep with someone new. I mean, vaginas aren’t different. They are pretty much all the same. Mind you, Rocky has told some horror stories about loose vaginas comparing them to a bucket of sand. I didn’t get the comparison, and Rocky had to, of course, spend the following hour giving Eric and me a visual demonstration on a whiteboard which was entertaining, though I’d never admit it to him.
Bigger doesn’t necessarily mean better. It’s different. And I’m not used to different.
“You’re so fucking hot, do you know that?” I utter suddenly.
He pauses the conversation about Eastern Europe. “Um, okay, interesting topic change, but thank you?”
“No, I’m serious. You’re like insanely hot. I always thought that, even the first time I met you. I couldn’t stop staring at you, which at the time wasn’t acceptable since I was engaged, but seriously, you ooze sex appeal. I mean, I just want to… I don’t know what I want to do, but fuck, you’re so hot.”
I catch him smirking, shaking his head in amusement. “You know what I love about you? You just say what’s on your mind. You don’t bullshit. You, Adriana, are like no one I have ever met. And for the record…” he continues, “… just so you know, not at all helping the soldier here.”
Did he just say love? Quick, think of something! “Good, it’s better he is hard.”
His eyes dart to mine. The ambivalent expression is expected. After all, I just ended a very intimate moment by crying. With his free hand, he adjusts the noticeable bulge, squirming uncomfortably beside me.
I want him.
This time, I won’t stop. I need him, all of him, to be completely mine.
I don’t need to
search far. This desire that I know I have within me is finally staking its claim.
I am fearless.
I am bold.
I want him.
I am rampant, pulling his belt buckle toward me. Screw all this take-it-slow-be-gentle-with-me bullshit.
He can sense my urgency all the while trying to keep his distance and maintain his composure.
“I want you, Julian. Right here. Right now.” I bite my lip as the throbbing between my legs refuses to subside.
“Adriana, maybe we should take it slow. It was only an hour ago that—”