“I’m staying with Eric. You need to sort yourself out, Julian. There’s only one road you’re heading down, and I’m telling you, it’s a dead end.” He stops by the kitchen counter and throws me an envelope. “And here, an eviction notice.” He slams the door behind him.
I am officially alone.
After tonight’s events, there’s nothing I want to do more than climb into a hole and rot away, but instead, I head to my medicine cabinet and find my sleeping pills.
Sleeping pills or call my dealer.
For tonight, the pills win, but for how much longer?
Frankly, I have no idea.
***
The room is dark, the light fighting its way in.
The urge, the craving, it devours me.
Alone, I hear the gentle tap on my door, gentle, yet it startles me.
I jump anxiously. It’s the monster who lurks under my bed, but he’s on the other side of the door.
Like a frightened child, I open it and succumb to the power he holds over me.
He opens his hand, and I see the light illuminating the dark walls. My senses, there’s a frenzy within me, taunting and teasing me, and the more it consumes me, I feel myself weaken.
I hand over the last of my money—my rent money.
And like a thief in the night, he disappears.
And I’m alone again with the devil laced in white.
It’s all I have now.
No Chelsea.
No Charlie.
And I need to survive, don’t I?
I’m like venom. I hurt those around me, including myself.
I walk to the table and lay the white lace carefully in a line. I know the drill. I think about it every second of every day.
I lean down, inches away from euphoria sweeping over me. But I feel a touch, a brush of a hand over my shoulder. I’m hallucinating, I know I’m alone. I bend down again, and the feeling repeats.
I don’t look behind me. Instead, I close my eyes allowing my senses to focus.
There’s a cool breeze in the room, but the windows are shut.
“In the darkness, our savior will find us. It will drive us into the light.”
The voices, I hear them.
“In our weakness of times, find the strength, it lurks behind the shadows, but it’s watching, it is waiting to be asked for help.”
I have officially gone crazy.
“Those who live in the light only know the truth to living in the darkness. I am here, I’m watching over you, I am guiding you. Be still, hear my words. The fallen will continue to fall without a savior amongst them.”