My mind is playing tricks on me. Hallucinating from the surge of emotions that gripped me only moments ago.
“It’s you,” the voice whispers, not to frighten me.
In a heart’s beat, my pulse races furiously. Another memory, another piece I want so desperately to forget.
He’s here.
He has found me.
I’m terrified.
I can’t look at him.
I don’t need his judgment on top of everything else.
“Will you say something, please?”
I check my shoelaces, making sure they’re tight. Like a well-tuned engine, my heart rate accelerates, sending waves to my brain that begin the adrenaline rush. Without lifting my head, I try to remember which path to take through the dense bushland. If I need to escape him, it will need to be quick.
Three. Two. One.
I run, my arms moving at rapid speed, the sticks beneath my feet breaking. He’s yelling, birds are flying from their nests in fear, but I run, I don’t need him. My life is better without him. I can do it all on my own.
My body is yanked backward, and with my breath caught into my throat, he turns me around and smacks me into his chest, suffocating me.
I can’t breathe.
I smell only him.
I feel only him.
My willpower fails me, and with a heavy scream, I sob into his chest, slamming my fists into his body like I’m beating a drum. Part of me wants to escape him, to hurt him, and to push him away out of my space, but the other part of me, in an exuberant amount of pain, remains in his arms though trying to fight how comforting he makes me feel at this moment.
“Milana, please stop. I beg you.”
I can’t. Hysterical but so hopelessly sad that he’s here. It takes me moments, my chest heaving loudly inside his embrace.
He’s trying to protect me, but he can’t stop Mama from dying, no one can.
Softly, and with a gentle touch, he lifts my face. My eyes have swelled, an
d with only the moonlight hovering over us, we both search each other until our eyes meet, and my whole world falls into his hands.
I love him.
I can’t deny that.
“Don’t run away from me, please. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
The cries that escape me are driven by fear, the hurt seeping out in every tear.
“I’m terrified. I’m terrified of loving my baby and her losing me one day, just like I’m losing Mama. I can’t live without her… I don’t want her to die!” I choke, the sobs punching through me as the raw pain begins to tear away at me again.
“You won’t lose her. You need to love her, just like your mom loves you.”
The tip of his thumb swipes beneath my eye, his expression compassionate and overcome with worry as his brows draw together. In an attempt to calm my raging emotions, I take a moment to examine him, instantly noticing his gaunt cheeks. Now I want to touch him, feel his skin beneath my fingertips for my own selfish reasons.
“Milana, I was a fucking idiot not to understand how much you love your mom and gave up everything for her. She’s special. I’ve known her for two minutes, and in my whole life, no one, aside from you, has made me feel accepted. So, I get it, I get everything you’re feeling right now. And you know what, I’m jealous. You have so many years and memories with her.” He gazes at me, longingly, yet the pain is transparent. “I should have been there for you. God, I just kept fucking up, you know. I mean, Carson… fuck! I just should have—”